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An ode to that “coffee friend”

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Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#111

Post by paganel »

nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

I was the nerd-ish type as a teenager back in 1990s Eastern Europe and I don't remember getting bullied. I knew things were slightly different in the US, I mean the whole "cool girls" group thing and all, as we were able to watch stuff like Saved by the Bell [1] on TV, but that kind of atmosphere seemed strange to us at the time.

[1] https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096694/

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#112

Post by jraph »

jcutrell wrote: post #35

I have learned this with my wife… Gifts don’t mean just one thing. There is a variety of things you can optimize for. For my wife, me getting her something she wants but wouldn’t get herself is the right gift. That, or something she wouldn’t have been able to find for herself. Surprises are low on her list. Extravagant gifts are low. She would be the kind of person not to buy the coffee for, because she knows what sh…

> thought about me long enough to do something specific and special to me

As someone who does not like presents, that may be the core thing about presents that speaks to me. Presents are a way, but maybe something else could work.

I'm fine with people just showing me they like me and hanging out with me though. And they don't have to do anything special for this.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#114

Post by hysan »

andirk wrote: post #48
2muchcoffeeman wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is why I like the “lame” gifts. Once I got a towel. Only one, but still, I needed to get some new ones and now I get to delay shopping that while longer because who wants to buy towels? Awesome. People always think of gifts as fancy stuff. But if you can save me some time, or feed me, fantastic.

Yeah I needed to go to the DMV so my friend came back from Japan with a $1 gift for me: an ID of a cat wearing a tennis headband and bifocals. I would show bouncers who never thought it funny. My fave was one looked all over it and said "What?? Theres no birthday!"

Do you happen to know where in Japan your friend got that from? I know someone (including myself) who would love that as a gift.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#115

Post by graeber_28927 »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

Can confirm (though only anecdotally). I was bullied a lot in middle school. But in high school I got into customizing Sony Ericsson mobiles (changing the font, making custom themes with their SDK), javascript programming (entered a few competitions with some fellow nerds), music and singing in the choir and the theater. Somehow those things got me respect, admiration, and a girlfriend. As the "to cool for fun" kinds were slowly adulting up, they realized I have lots of opportunity to learn stuff and to socialize, lots of confidence too (most don't even dare to sing in music class), and will get into whatever college I want with whatever customized resume I want. I had a straight vision for a career in mechanical engineering (though am currently in IT), while they struggled to find a path in life in college application season.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#116

Post by gambiting »

paganel wrote: post #111
nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

I was the nerd-ish type as a teenager back in 1990s Eastern Europe and I don't remember getting bullied. I knew things were slightly different in the US, I mean the whole "cool girls" group thing and all, as we were able to watch stuff like Saved by the Bell [1] on TV, but that kind of atmosphere seemed strange to us at the time. [1] https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096694/

Same exact thing for me. Nerds definitely weren't getting bullied, if you were good at maths and physics maybe girls weren't into you but the "bullies" didn't really mess with people who were good at sciences(I guess partially because they had to copy their homework from someone, so keeping good relations with the "nerds" was actually a good survival strategy)

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#117

Post by watwut »

nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

I did not noticed nerd vs jock dichotomy the way Americans write about it on discussion forums at all. Nothing similar to movies stereotypes either.

And my experience from my school is not like that either. You could have been "geek" or "nerd" or onto something and no one cared. Being good at something was cool or neutral.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#118

Post by CTDOCodebases »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

I have to agree.

If you want to do something nice for a friend like this then genuinely engage with them about their passion. Suggest going for coffee at the new interesting places that are opening up. Be open minded to their suggestions. Nerds like sharing their knowledge and enjoying their little niche with others. It makes them feel understood and makes their world a little less lonely.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#119

Post by abricq »

koonsolo wrote: post #98
fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

I wish this was true but unfortunately, I must disagree with saying that it is different in Europe. In France, 10 years ago, high-school was a constant lookout for who's the 'popular' kids (literally called like that). And reversely, nerds kid would often be made fun of, or socially excluded from breaks / activities. However, i have talked about this before with my wife who's from Italy and said that she never experienced this in Italy, apparently it was like you described: groups of friends, into studying and trying to make it to the next year. I wish it was like that in France.

However, I very much enjoy the original's post analysis about 'being into things', I think it's just brilliantly exposed !

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#120

Post by DocTomoe »

nxmnxm99 wrote: post #100
koonsolo wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This "too cool for stuff" sounds like US culture. I never experienced that kind of thing in EU. We each had our own friend groups, and didn't really care what the other groups were into. I once heard an artist say (can't remember which one), that they loved playing in Europe, since everyone at a festival is there to have fun. While in US, everyone is there to look cool.

It's a nice sentiment but really isn't accurate.... unless you're suggesting nerds don't get bullied in Europe

As a pretty nerdish guy (Computers, space program, star trek, electronics, miniatures painting) in our central European equivalent of high school, I don't remember instances of bullying against me. Bullying was something that we were aware of, sure, but it seemed to come from (US-centered, go figure) media, and henfighting between the girls.
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