Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

An ode to that “coffee friend”

tiramisu.bearblog.dev

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 264 posts

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#41

Post by stephen_g »

plantain wrote: post #7

I do the exact opposite. Buying a gift for an expert when you are not an expert is always going to lead to disappointment, no matter how well they hide it. I buy gifts only from areas that I am an expert in, and I hope my friends may not be as enthusiastic about the area as I am, but at least we both know I got them the best for them.

Yeah, this is my experience too - in general, it's best to never buy gear for an enthusiast in something unless you really know exactly, specifically what they want and don't have. Even if you're an expert, you might just have different preferences to them and then they'll feel guilty about keeping something around that they don't use, or about giving it away or selling it...

But if you're an enthusiast/expert and they're interested but not to that level, and you have a decent idea of what gear they have and don't have, then it can work.

In terms of coffee beans, yeah, they can be a nice gift if you have a bit of an idea (good small roaster, roast type, e.g. espresso or filter, freshness, etc.) but for me at least, I basically always have just enough coffee for what I need (I buy a new 250g bag of espresso roast about weekly, one or two days before I run out of the old stuff)... But I'm always happy to try something, just don't go overboard and buy a kilo or something! 250g is plenty!

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#42

Post by atomicnumber3 »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

My personal hack for this is to be into french brandies and wines. 30% of the French government is dedicated to ensuring that when you buy "Cognac" or "Armagnac" or "St Emilion, Bordeax" you are getting exactly that.

Also makes it easy for my wife to tell others: "Cognac, Grande/Petite/Fine Champagne". And boom, guaranteed right thing.

Also, no redundancy - just more to drink.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#43

Post by 2muchcoffeeman »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

This is why I like the “lame” gifts.

Once I got a towel. Only one, but still, I needed to get some new ones and now I get to delay shopping that while longer because who wants to buy towels? Awesome.

People always think of gifts as fancy stuff. But if you can save me some time, or feed me, fantastic.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#44

Post by at_a_remove »

It's not about getting the best, it's about finding that which establishes the relationship, in particular that you know them, remember what was said, have shared experiences. Example:

Someone I was fairly fond of was retiring, a few levels above me. Traditionally, items are given. I gave an autographed copy of a particular book (we discussed it in my job interview over ten years prior) which related to our profession, a special dessert one (from the area in which she served in the Peace Corps), and a bottle of dandelion wine (her favorite author was Bradbury, who just died, and who authored Dandelion Wine). These went over well, despite not being the rarest of books or the most expensive of wines, but because of the dependence on and acknowledgement of my knowledge of her.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#45

Post by stonecharioteer »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

This. I hate getting books as gifts because I am lucky about the editions I buy nowadays. People used to gift me books until I asked them not to. I'd prefer it if someone asked me what I wanted and got me specifically that, unless, of course, they made me handmade cards or bookmarks.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#46

Post by edgecasestdio »

wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

Perhaps the idea of the submitted article can be amended to account for your experience.

If a person has a friend that is into coffee, that's great news because you know your friend has a clear interest, but additional research is needed to make sure the gift is high-quality and redundant. Maybe 15-20 minutes of research on a specialty forum like r/coffee (at least the wiki) or a reputable YouTube channel (like James Hoffmann's) can help the gift-giver understand how to find quality beans (often light-to-medium from a smaller reputable roaster). If there's uncertainty, one can either directly ask the friend or make observations.

In the end, perhaps the best gift isn't so much the coffee beans per se, but the thoughtfulness you take in the person's hobby as you can then develop a shared interest.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#47

Post by fishtoaster »

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool.

Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuff was hip. I internalized that attitude.

Even into adulthood, I occasionally find myself making fun of people for being into specific things. I eventually made myself a rule: if someone really enjoys something that's not hurting anyone, that's an admirable trait. It's easy to obey this rule for things I like: science fiction, fancy beer, programming. It's not too hard to obey this rule for things that I'm not personally into, but are culturally adjacent to me: classical music, literature, skiing, fancy coffee. It's harder for things that are not as cool among my social group. I sometimes have to remind myself that being super into football, nascar, or the bachelorette is just as admirable as being into my things. Un-ironic enthusiasm is one of our best traits as humans, even when directed towards things I don't personally get that excited about.

And so I'll always appreciate that coffee friend. They're lucky enough to have maintained the ability to nerd out about something and I'm glad of it.

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#48

Post by andirk »

2muchcoffeeman wrote: post #43
wfleming wrote: post #39

As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this. If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders). Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and…

This is why I like the “lame” gifts. Once I got a towel. Only one, but still, I needed to get some new ones and now I get to delay shopping that while longer because who wants to buy towels? Awesome. People always think of gifts as fancy stuff. But if you can save me some time, or feed me, fantastic.

Yeah I needed to go to the DMV so my friend came back from Japan with a $1 gift for me: an ID of a cat wearing a tennis headband and bifocals.

I would show bouncers who never thought it funny. My fave was one looked all over it and said "What?? Theres no birthday!"

Re: An ode to that “coffee friend”

#49

Post by abrookewood »

fishtoaster wrote: post #47

I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool. Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuf…

The other thing that's great about having friends like this, is that they've done all the hard work for you! You can just adopt their setup/approach (within reason) and can be fairly certain that you are going to get a good result without needing to put in months of research.
Post reply on HN