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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#371

Post by Tade0 »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

Before becoming a parent I generally avoided kids. I had some vague plan about starting a family, but that was it.

It wasn't enjoyable from the get go. But with time we started forming a bond and having our own little habits.

Bottom line is initially you don't know this person so it's hard to expect from you to automatically have a great time. But as a child develops they become more interesting overall.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#373

Post by [deleted] »

astorsnk wrote: post #359
jollofricepeas wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

Anecdotally I see this with my friends who’ve had kids. A bunch of them all had kids roughly the same time (all within a year) and it’s fascinating how differently they all react. On the extreme ends you have one that nobody sees anymore because he has a child. On the other hand you have the guy that does everything he used to because, when possible he brings the baby, and when not his wife will take care of it (and…

[deleted]

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#374

Post by p2detar »

icare_1er wrote: post #369
WheatMillington wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Kind of makes me anxious about having kids but I have also heard, on the other end, senior people expressing how gloomy it feels to not have kids. And unlike the tiredness of having kids, that anxiety only grows forever till the day you die and all you leave behind is a nice car.

My algorithmic approach has always been:

1. You’re 100% sure you don’t want kids? Then don’t.

2. In all other cases, have a child. Even when in doubt.

Years will pass and doubt may perish, but with it also the ability to have children.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#375

Post by jstummbillig »

So what if we do? I am strongly in favor of thorough and regular contemplation of ones life, but it leads to really weird things, if it's led by our lackluster comprehension of time and numbers. A number is not bad, just because it clashes with our intuition. Just because something feels bad when it is presented in a certain way, does not mean it is bad.

For example, learning that x tons of food are wasted in any given context provides me with 0 useable information in relation to my life. What would be the alternative? I have assume nobody is wasting food to waste food if they could do the same thing without wasting food. It's a byproduct of trying to optimize a processes. What are these processes, what are they being optimized for? What can be done to improve them and what would it cost?

If I feel something is a shockingly big or small number – and that's what these kinds of number games always seem to aim at, for whatever reason –, I am usually just being set up to be confused and unhappy about how reality outside of my own speck of experience works.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#376

Post by McBeige »

ChaitanyaSai wrote: post #338
obruchez wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know what it's supposed to mean, though. I like brunches. My son likes them as well. I mean: any part of life is not life. Kids are not life. Or am I missing something?

I take brunch and life to be stand-ins for two notions. Brunch as the ability and desire to wish for a lazy day spent as one wishes, desultory consumption of something nice and/or new while in control of our time. Life is the sum-total of all meaning we accrue along the way, including our experiences from events we are thrust into.

It's lightness and weight, as in Kundera's 'Unbearable Lightness of Being'.

Lightness is nice, it's comfortable, but vertigo inducing. So we also long for weight sometimes.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#377

Post by cliftonk »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

I have two kids under two. It's tough, but i dont personally know any parents that don't have a ton of fun with their kids. I love spending time with my 2 year-old. We have tons of fun together (like many 2 year olds, outside activities are a must). I'd rather be with him than any of my friends or other family and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#378

Post by danielrpa »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

The best phase is about to begin, and the worst of child raising is behind you. It will never be easy, but IMHO older kids are a lot more fun, clever and interactive.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#379

Post by kanahanin »

natnatenathan wrote: post #289
dionidium wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it makes you feel any better I delayed having kids and spent my 30s dating and hanging out and going to bars -- and it was terrible. I was never more depressed. I got tired of dating. I got tired of bars. I was lonely. My life had no meaning or direction. I had a nice career and could go anywhere and do anything I wanted, but it turns out none of that made me even a little bit happy. I remember one summer making p…

This is exactly my experience, probably from age 28 until I met my wife at ~34. My friends and I would go to all these bars, clubs, rock climbing trips. While I loved my friends and generally enjoyed doing those things, I felt this long-term malaise of meaningless. The loss of freedom getting married and then greater loss when having kids was unexpected and a jarring change. But it has made me such a better person. A…

You've just described my life. Thanks for the perspective, That empty feeling was very confusing for me. I've something to look forward too!

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#380

Post by A4ET8a8uTh0 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I think this is one of the biggest factors in terms of successful child rearing. I am relatively lucky in that aspect that we seem to make it work ( 9/10 -- we just had a longer conversation about it; clearly due to miscommunication some expectations were not conveyed openly enough ), but everyone's situation may be a little different and accommodation may be needed to find appropriate balance.

Full agreement here. That was the second time I was reminded what vicarious really means.

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