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Take a break

robinrendle.com

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Re: Take a break

#161

Post by [deleted] »

civilized wrote: post #149
Silverback_VII wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I think it is impossible to understand how much additional stress and anxiety being a parent of small children bring without being in that position. I have to disagree and I'm a father. I think it's exactly like in the book "the happiness advantage", some people will see the positive and use it as possibility to grow and to get more productive. On the other hand, People who focus on the negative and didn't learn to…

Some people have an easy time raising kids and some have a much harder time. There are a lot of reasons for this. Different kids, different parents, health issues. The stress of a genuinely difficult parenting situation doesn't just go away with some superficial pop psych like focusing on the positive. That's such an astonishing claim, it's like telling a drowning person to use positive thinking to solve their proble…

[deleted]

Re: Take a break

#162

Post by luckylion »

l3w3 wrote: post #155
luckylion wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd prefer if I didn't, but it has few side effects and it's not a recreational thing, so I find it's similar to the Mometasone furoate spray I'm being prescribed to manage my sinusitis. I'd prefer to not need that, too, but breathing is more important.

I found long term use of Mometasone to have unpleasant side effects. Have you tried Montelukast, or spoken to an ENT consultant? A small surgical procedure eliminated nearly all of my symptoms.

I've not tried Montelukast (didn't even know about it, but I will look into it, thank you!), but I did have a surgery, which improved the situation somewhat, but only to a "I can breathe somewhat" level. I don't know its technical name, but it came with a general anaesthetic, lots of care afterwards, and a three-page invoice.

Re: Take a break

#163

Post by CalRobert »

thrwawyprnt001 wrote: post #82
CalRobert wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish I'd understood the degree to which small children destroy you. The amount of focus time you get falls by 90%+, you sleep horribly every night without fail, and you spend every quiet moment waiting for one of them to start screaming because they found some new and ingenious way to hurt themself. Maybe a lot of that was having a 1-3 and 3-5 year old wfh during covid, but I feel like I'm broken ever since.

Anecdotal comment inbound, but you sound like you could benefit from a bit of hope: it really should get better, and soon. I have kids similarly distanced in age, the years you mentioned were the hardest so far and by far, even without a pandemic in the mix. That said, after they both were above age ~7 and able exist with a small bit of independence, things became easier. Like, an order of magnitude easier on my subj…

Thanks. I'm not as miserable as I make it sounds but the life I had before is 100% gone and dead. I enjoy much of my days and adore my children but I do spend a lot of time realizing there's a lot of things I want to do that just won't happen. I also notice that every time a colleague talks about "working on something over the weekend" or learning more stuff after work I fall further behind professionally.

Re: Take a break

#164

Post by tomrod »

ThalesX wrote: post #86
tomrod wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder whether you've ever asked the PM what happens when a deadline is missed? It may be he or she is shielding you from consequences and impacts you're unaware of, hence the anxiety. I had a PM act this way during on one of the projects in my department for awhile and they were a mess. Finally I requested they let the team absorb the impact instead of the PM handling everything. While fortunately is was recoverab…

As an IC I don’t want to absorb that. It’s really not in my JD. I don’t go to my “higher ups” to absorb some tasks from me and get down and dirty, and I expect them to also not involve me in their orchestration. Ultimately they should manage the situation for the money thay they receive. When in the position to manage, it’s my responsability to create a controllable pipeline for task delivery and not bother the devs…

> It’s really not in my JD.

I've noodled on your response overnight. Here are my thoughts:

[1] Working within a team to deliver on time, or effectively communicating when that delivery is behind, is part of a good team working agreement. For that reason, I would expect it is part of most job descriptions implicitly and often explicitly.

[2] Managers, be they personnel, project, or product, absorb things from individual contributors quite often. An example of this is when re-prioritization needs to occur because another team member is unable to complete tasks for any number of reasons.

A delivery failure isn't office politics. Do you feel that it is? I could see if a manager were setting arbitrary deadlines without consensus with the team as being a meaningless nihilist exercise (i.e. office politics and their ilk). But where consensus was discussed, the failure to deliver then lives with the team.

Re: Take a break

#165

Post by novosel »

RockingGoodNite wrote: post #109
novosel wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Completely in agrement with you. We are fundamentaly biurnal, you wake up, (in whatever state you prefer), and then do your thing with a limited (daily provided) resources that are awailable to you. Repeat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2278827/ People are biurnal? No, people are diurnal. People who try to be nocturnal or biurnal are fooling themselves and screwing up their lives and probably negatively affecting the lives of those around them.

Yes, thank You.

I made a spelling error. Biurnal is not nocturnal. I am not promoting that kind of lifestile. (have done it myself, mind you)

Re: Take a break

#166

Post by lgvld »

The "no-bullshit" design of this blog is already kind of a break, very refreshing. Something about the style and/or the typo makes it pleasant to read also.

Re: Take a break

#167

Post by ThalesX »

tomrod wrote: post #164
ThalesX wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an IC I don’t want to absorb that. It’s really not in my JD. I don’t go to my “higher ups” to absorb some tasks from me and get down and dirty, and I expect them to also not involve me in their orchestration. Ultimately they should manage the situation for the money thay they receive. When in the position to manage, it’s my responsability to create a controllable pipeline for task delivery and not bother the devs…

> It’s really not in my JD. I've noodled on your response overnight. Here are my thoughts: [1] Working within a team to deliver on time, or effectively communicating when that delivery is behind, is part of a good team working agreement. For that reason, I would expect it is part of most job descriptions implicitly and often explicitly. [2] Managers, be they personnel, project, or product, absorb things from individu…

> I've noodled on your response overnight

That's a high bar in today's social media climate; I'm afraid I'm responding without noodling on it.

> [1] Working within a team to deliver on time, or effectively communicating when that delivery is behind, is part of a good team working agreement. For that reason, I would expect it is part of most job descriptions implicitly and often explicitly.

I agree 100% with this. A good IC will keep the manager in the loop with the current state of progress and potential roadblocks. While I don't think 'communication' is solid enough to use in a job description, I believe it's crucial in a well-oiled team.

> [2] Managers, be they personnel, project, or product, absorb things from individual contributors quite often. An example of this is when re-prioritization needs to occur because another team member is unable to complete tasks for any number of reasons.

I feel this is similar to [1], IC -> Manager pipeline. I wholeheartedly agree that they should absorb as much information as possible and manage the project so that the theoretical matches the practical.

> A delivery failure isn't office politics. Do you feel that it is?

Sometimes? Many times? Delivery failures can be as arbitrary as an asteroid impact clearing out the team, office politics, bad planning, stupid ideas, bad teams, etc.

> I could see if a manager were setting arbitrary deadlines without consensus with the team as being a meaningless nihilist exercise (i.e., office politics and their ilk).

This also depends on what is delivered. Are we talking about founding engineers at an early-stage startup? Mid-level engineers at a company with thousands of them? In most companies, I'd be laughed out of the room if, after the business made the planning, features, and roadmap, I'd object with some personal and documented belief about the product.

> But where consensus was discussed, the failure to deliver then lives with the team.

I don't see any part in GP's * comment that makes me think of consensus. Nor communication. Nor re-prioritization. I feel this consensus is an escape hatch so that people in a position to fail end up protected. If I don't deliver, it's visible pretty fast, and I get pulled in for discussions regarding my failure mode. When the project manager fails, it's a team failure by consensus.

Ultimately, leadership is leadership for a reason. Management is the management for a reason. In the case of a failed invasion, would you blame the soldiers or the generals? I can see how one might blame the soldiers, but I'm not sure that will win you the following battles.

* > I work with a project manager who is obsessed with deadlines. "Hey do you have an update? When do you think it will be done? Hey, the deadline is really close!" They maintain a complicated Gantt chart. What happens when we miss the deadline? Nothing really, our updates aren't on a fixed timeline, and our users are very happy with our product today. Everything is artificial.

Re: Take a break

#168

Post by helloworld11 »

RockingGoodNite wrote: post #109
novosel wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Completely in agrement with you. We are fundamentaly biurnal, you wake up, (in whatever state you prefer), and then do your thing with a limited (daily provided) resources that are awailable to you. Repeat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2278827/ People are biurnal? No, people are diurnal. People who try to be nocturnal or biurnal are fooling themselves and screwing up their lives and probably negatively affecting the lives of those around them.

There's more than a great deal of evidence and different rhythms to the contrary for your blanket statement to be in any way certain. Many people live long, very productive and healthy lives not being diurnal to great effect, even if most are diurnal.

Re: Take a break

#169

Post by noahtf »

CalRobert wrote: post #163
thrwawyprnt001 wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Anecdotal comment inbound, but you sound like you could benefit from a bit of hope: it really should get better, and soon. I have kids similarly distanced in age, the years you mentioned were the hardest so far and by far, even without a pandemic in the mix. That said, after they both were above age ~7 and able exist with a small bit of independence, things became easier. Like, an order of magnitude easier on my subj…

Thanks. I'm not as miserable as I make it sounds but the life I had before is 100% gone and dead. I enjoy much of my days and adore my children but I do spend a lot of time realizing there's a lot of things I want to do that just won't happen. I also notice that every time a colleague talks about "working on something over the weekend" or learning more stuff after work I fall further behind professionally.

Honestly? They are doing something “productive” over the weekend but may be burning themselves out or won’t experience the good parts of parenting that weekend.

Don’t mean to put down those who don’t have kids - like myself - but I’m sure the grass seems greener elsewhere, especially when you’re tired.

Re: Take a break

#170

Post by nske »

nonrandomstring wrote: post #8

May I suggest a purely rational, evidence based take? The trap is your belief in a linear relationship between effort and outcome. Working harder and longer produces more productivity, right? That's false. As you say so yourself, your memory goes to shit. It's not just a law of diminishing returns. For coders, past a certain point, exhaustion leads you to start undoing your work. You are into negative productivity. I…

I don't think most people that are like this rationalize it like this and make a conscious decision to act that way. It's more of a psychological compulsive thing, reinforced by becoming a habbit.
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