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Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#531

Post by boring_twenties »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #107

Focused too much on making a living in my teens and 20s instead of college and social life. Never pursued artistic interests seriously because I was just too tired from working and stressing out about bills. Now I’m in my 30s with next to no social life and the realization that I’ve wasted away my time and whatever little talent I have. There’s a “regret” folder sitting in my Google Drive with two half-finished books…

I spent my teens and 20's working, too. Turned down a different path when I was 33. Now I'm 39, and just recently ended up going back to a productive career -- but those years in between were absolutely the best of my life and I couldn't be more glad that I took them for myself.

Would some things have gone better if I'd done that with my 20's instead of my 30's? Undoubtedly. At the same time, other things made it much easier in my 30's -- for an obvious example, having money already saved up freed me from having to work some menial job to support myself during those years.

It's definitely not too late.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#532

Post by jemmyw »

raffraffraff wrote: post #515
jemmyw wrote: post #163

Don't stop doing something you enjoy, thinking there's time to pick it up again later. I played badminton a lot in my teens and loved it. Then I went to uni and didn't continue with it, moved around the world, and every move would casually think "wonder if there's a badminton club around". Now I've finally started playing again and the first thing I did was get an injury because I tried to play like a thin, fit 18 ye…

This hits home. I started playing badminton when I was about 13 at a tiny club in a rural area. I ended up playing against adults most of the time. By the time I was 16 I was completing in the adult League with my club (instead of playing in my age category). I played for a while in uni too, but eventually quit because I moved to an area that didn't have a club. Always thought I'd resume paying. I'm 47 next year, so…

Just be careful with your arms and stretch properly. It was the tendons that I hurt going back at it too aggressively.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#533

Post by 8n4vidtmkvmk »

dctoedt wrote: post #256
bheadmaster wrote: post #140

I don't really "believe" in regret. At each and every point in my life, I was working with the information I had at my disposal, each information having its own "weight" in my mind. Every mistake I've made has brought some information in my mind that wouldn't have been brought otherwise. Fantasies of "changing the past" are seductive, but ultimately pointless. The only way I could justify having regrets, is reminding…

> At each and every point in my life, I was working with the information I had at my disposal, each information having its own "weight" in my mind. This. You play the hand you're dealt — and the hand you're dealt includes your "wiring" (brain anatomy, brain chemistry, etc.) and your "programming" (past experiences, etc.). And you try to learn what you can. (Warning — tangent:) It all contributes to what I've come to…

sometimes you know you're doing something dumb before you do it, but you do it anyway.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#534

Post by graycat »

bigbillheck wrote: post #500
graycat wrote: post #382

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your remarks about my post have to do with females, that is gender. Today that is a touchy, sensitive, politicized subject. You seem to be saying that, in dealing with people, should get more information. In a sense, you are correct: That sense is from applications of the Radon-Nikodym theorem. The charming proof by J. von Neumann is in the W. Rudin Real and Complex Analysis . In practice, not really: What I mentione…

If we're talking gender and essential truths about behavior here, then as one dude to another I honestly have to tell you that: > For me, I still have her high school graduation picture in the UR corner of my computer screen -- I'm still in love with her. That was a failure. I believe that had I known what I wish I had known, I could have saved the relationship, likely had a really good marriage, etc. We would have d…

Yes, but you don't know how pretty she was, and how sweet and feminine, etc. otherwise!!

Also, no one understands love, in particular, you don't. I'm not nearly the first man to stay in love for life!

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#535

Post by level87 »

I wish I had continued programming after high school, instead I pursued a career as a furniture maker, scraped a living for 10 years, it formed my entire personality which in retrospect was really unhealthy. I also realised too late that everyone around me was being propped up by their rich parents/partners.

Recently changed careers and now happily programming and on my path to being a bit more financially secure. I can now design and make things I want in my spare time, without having to worry about where the money is coming from.

The comment someone made about everyone losing ten years somewhere really resonated with me.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#536

Post by graycat »

gilbetron wrote: post #502
bigbillheck wrote: post #500

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If we're talking gender and essential truths about behavior here, then as one dude to another I honestly have to tell you that: > For me, I still have her high school graduation picture in the UR corner of my computer screen -- I'm still in love with her. That was a failure. I believe that had I known what I wish I had known, I could have saved the relationship, likely had a really good marriage, etc. We would have d…

Yeah, not the only warning flag in there, is it.

Yes, I salute all those who are perfect and apologize again for all my shortcomings!

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#537

Post by fsckboy »

hypertele-Xii wrote: post #40

I've consciously moved on from ruminating on the past and replaying alternate timelines in my mind, to thinking about what I actually can change: the present, and the future. Life is a blind let's play. It's more fun to watch exactly because you don't know what's going to happen. Having the ability to play it again would destroy consequence, and thus meaning, to one's actions. Spending extraordinary amounts of time t…

>Having the ability to play it again would destroy consequence, and thus meaning, to one's actions.

this might say something deep about the interative process of software development. perhaps we should only get one try.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#538

Post by throwaway5959 »

nvarsj wrote: post #527
throwaway5959 wrote: post #513

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How’d you get a handle on your anxiety if you don’t mind me asking?

Therapy - if only to get me analyzing it rather than letting it control my life. It's still there, and it's still a struggle. I've learned to mostly accept it as just how my brains works. I can recognize when it's causing me to make the wrong choice, and override that. Long walks really help when it's bad.

Thank you. I feel like we’re getting there together at roughly the same time wrt accepting how our brain works and how helpful long walks are.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#539

Post by Spooky23 »

My biggest regret was that I didn’t intervene in an argument between my mom and grandparents that ultimately led to a near estrangement between my mom and her family for several years that caused her a lot of pain.

It wasn’t my argument and not my “responsibility” per se, but I’m sure that I could have defused it, and I didn’t for reasons that seemed reasonable for 15 year old me.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#540

Post by vector_rotcev »

Oneiros512 wrote: post #278
DontchaKnowit wrote: post #179

Always had an obsessive personality. Raised Christian. Always had a bent for pushing boundaries. Got interested in the nuerochemistry of psychoactive substances. Got very involved in educating myself about drug usage, until I was finally comfortable trying them. Queue ~6 years of polysubstance abuse, wasted money, and fake ass friends. Did everything under the sun I could get my hands on. I think the list of unique d…

Regarding social skills, I feel like I can relate to how you describe your situation. I was extremely socially anxious when I was younger and basically avoided any social interactions I could. Throughout highschool and college I never had any friends to speak of or dated. I mostly shut myself away with video games and other solitary interests. I moved to a new city away from my family when I was 27 and that was when…

Since I'm getting out and working on something similar right now - is there anything(s) you'd recommend in particular for the reading part of learning?
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