On eating out alone

I'm more akin to what the author describes: doing it primarily while traveling for work. I usually sit at the bar, have a pint and a basket of some sort of greasy finger food. I'd say 3/4 the time I find myself in smalltalk with others near me, or even the bartender. I'm not an incredibly social person either but I've found practically every experience doing it enjoyable. Doubly so since I'm travelling. Talking with others on their travels or the locals is great ways to find other things to do if you find yourself with the time to spare. Quick Edit: Airport bars are great some of the best for this experience imo. I've met some incredible individuals for the 10 minutes we share a space.

I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.

1. “Oh idk yet” (this means stop talking to me)

2. “Oh well I was looking at the shrimp, but the tofu also sounds good, I usually go for fish… etc etc” (this means keep talking)

If they react like #1 (short and not as interested, body language is turned away) then just smile and leave them be, no big deal. Just don’t keep talking at that point or you’ll just be annoying. Nothing personal, they just aren’t in the mood.

But a lot of the times, their eyes will light up, they’ll turn towards you, and they’ll tell you some more details like #2. This is where you ask more questions — “Oh, do you come here often? Do you live in the area? What other restaurants do you like? Have you seen the dolphins today?” And from that point, just see where it takes you.

Sometimes it’s just a quick 2 minute conversation and you don’t have much in common, so you just say “Ok well I hope you have a great rest of your night!” …But sometimes you get a response like “Oh the shrimp here is good, reminds me of a dish I got in Spain”, and you’ve been to Spain before so you go into more details about that! And it just takes off.

You’ve gotta just pay attention and be willing to stop talking if you run out of things to talk about, but sometimes you’ll have a lot in common and be able to dig deeper into shared stories and stuff.

Really it just takes practice, but nobody reasonable will be upset if you just kick off a quick chat & know when to stop if they’re uninterested.

Why not?

What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.

I definitely felt a stigma from eating alone, it doesn't matter how small that stigma was, or even if it was just in my head. My insecurities were amplified by social anxiety. I was single, not by choice, through lack of success mostly due to anxiety / insecurity. I felt like everyone seeing me as a young man eating alone would notice me and instantly leap to the correct conclusion I was unhappily single (and the incorrect conclusion I had no friends) and judge me as a failure.

I am now older, married with a young child, a chance to eat alone at a restaurant would be a rare welcome opportunity, but asking for a table for 1 is still a little uncomfortable for me. I know most people won't notice me, or care in the least bit why I am there. The server will have probably severed 100 lone diners that week with various reasons for being alone and I will not stand out from them in any way. The logic of that is mostly irrelevant and has limited impact on how it makes me feel.