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Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

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Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#181

Post by jasonladuke0311 »

nopenopenopeno wrote: post #165
polishdude20 wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've had this feeling in life that after middle age, it is most satisfying to adopt the mindset of a teacher. No more am I an explorer or barrier breaker. I am now a foundation, a home, a tome of knowledge and wisdom that should be used to help the next generation get a leg up.

Easy to do when you have stability and dignity. For myself, my first career was wrecked by new technology. Now I am 40 years old in an entry-level SWE position alongside 22 year olds working under people in their late 20s or early 30s. Not only would none of these people accept me as a source of knowledge but they can hardly bare to give me the time of day. I am very proud of my contributions to the team and I don’t…

If they won't accept an "old person" sharing their experiences, that's their folly.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#182

Post by ryandvm »

yboris wrote: post #10

Seems like a good way to avert a midlife crisis is to explicitly make helping others a non-trivial part of one's life. Focusing on effectiveness on helping others is probably an important component as well. I recommend looking into Effective Altruism - "a philosophy and community focused on maximising the good you can do through your career, projects, and donations" https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ In my case I've…

Averting the mid-life crisis is overrated.

I'm 45. I'm at least halfway through my turn. I'm definitely feeling the mid-life blues. I wonder if I'm wasting my life slinging bits for companies that probably won't exist in 15 years. If I'm doing an acceptable job at raising my children. If I'm contributing usefully to humanity AT ALL. Pretty soon the merry-go-round is going to start spinning down for me and my utterly insignificant portion of the universal timeline is going to be over with. Christ, if that's not depressing, what is?

No, I would suggest that if one never experiences the mid-life crisis then they aren't performing their philosophical due diligence. The trick is to not let it consume you and end up fucking up everything good in your life.

Get depressed, re-evaluate your life, make some positive changes, stop obsessing with accumulating gewgaws, and start helping people - that's the good shit.

What you don't want to do is quit your job, abandon your wife and kids, and run off to a polyamorous colony in Thailand. Otherwise, it may turn out that your purpose in life was to serve as a warning to others...

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#183

Post by pdrummond »

fleddr wrote: post #132

A great way to spontaneously trigger a midlife crisis, no matter your age, is to watch Youtube videos about the universe, the origin of life, etc. You'll get this inspirational rush of how amazing everything is, how vast the universe, how incredibly unusual for life to exist and for us specifically as a species to exist. And the advanced state we're in, able to do almost anything. And then you realize that you're usi…

And then you realize that you're using this incredible and very temporary opportunity to sit in a chair for most of your waking hours, for decades in a row.

"All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone." --Blaise Pascal

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#184

Post by mattgreenrocks »

thegrimmest wrote: post #178
somenameforme wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something interesting seems to be happening in society. We set aside religion, a trend that accelerated exponentially starting in the 60s, but had no real ideological or philosophical foundation with which to replace it, so it simply created a vacuum for meaning. In my opinion that vacuum was largely filled by consumerism and hedonism. But of course those alternatives aren't really alternatives, because they give som…

I'd ask "Why do you need meaning?". Why not just accept that life is meaningless, and any meaning you bring to it is ultimately of your own construction. Seems a lot simpler than continually searching for meaning or purpose, doomed never to find it because it simply does not exist. All evidence seems to indicate that we're complex meat robots, whose existence is basically inevitable given the right initial conditions…

> Why do you need meaning?

Why do we respond to meaning? Why do we seek it out? The difficulty in the search may be part of the answer: we need mountains to climb, both outside and inside ourselves.

Meaning is oxygen, and I'll continue optimizing for it.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#185

Post by chii »

thegrimmest wrote: post #73
howmayiannoyyou wrote: post #56

Acceptance. My survival strategy for mid-life has been to replace the ambition and balls that got me through my 20's and 30's with age appropriate acceptance of the MANY things I cannot control & don't have time to do, with a wisdom to focus on the FEW things that are likely to matter to me when I hit my 70's and beyond. For example, I can't control the divorce that consumed a ton of time and money in my 40's, but I…

Acceptance is basically the one and only key to happiness - it's simple to say and hard to practice. But by practicing it even the most miserably ill and destitute people can be happy. It's also not a particularly new idea, going back at least as far as Buddhism. It's also why I'm not inclined to agree with things like perceived inequality as being the root of all misery.

> Acceptance is basically the one and only key to happiness

is it really happiness if you just "tricked" yourself to it?

If you just changed your goals to something else when you realize you cannot achieve your originally planned goals, is it really "winning"?

And if you give up on your dreams, and accept your current circumstances, is that just called despair rather than acceptance?

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#186

Post by polishdude20 »

nopenopenopeno wrote: post #165
polishdude20 wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've had this feeling in life that after middle age, it is most satisfying to adopt the mindset of a teacher. No more am I an explorer or barrier breaker. I am now a foundation, a home, a tome of knowledge and wisdom that should be used to help the next generation get a leg up.

Easy to do when you have stability and dignity. For myself, my first career was wrecked by new technology. Now I am 40 years old in an entry-level SWE position alongside 22 year olds working under people in their late 20s or early 30s. Not only would none of these people accept me as a source of knowledge but they can hardly bare to give me the time of day. I am very proud of my contributions to the team and I don’t…

I think what you do in your work/job is only one piece of this pie. Surely you have more experience and wisdom to give about other aspects of life that are not SWE? There are loads of people out there who don't need your SWE advice but they may need your other advices.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#187

Post by bryankam »

lordleft wrote: post #53

One thing I love about Tolstoy's War and Peace is how it describes how individuals can cycle through absorbing worldviews, philosophies, causes and projects across the arc of their lives. They feel adrift, then find some great cause to push them forward, exhaust the possibilities of that cause, and find themselves disillusioned when they discovered that they have not "solved" the problem of life. This happens over an…

Love this! I too got the sense of growing through phases via fiction. And your comment is surprisingly similar to what I said about War and Peace recently here! https://kite.link/Fiction

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#188

Post by somenameforme »

thegrimmest wrote: post #178
somenameforme wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something interesting seems to be happening in society. We set aside religion, a trend that accelerated exponentially starting in the 60s, but had no real ideological or philosophical foundation with which to replace it, so it simply created a vacuum for meaning. In my opinion that vacuum was largely filled by consumerism and hedonism. But of course those alternatives aren't really alternatives, because they give som…

I'd ask "Why do you need meaning?". Why not just accept that life is meaningless, and any meaning you bring to it is ultimately of your own construction. Seems a lot simpler than continually searching for meaning or purpose, doomed never to find it because it simply does not exist. All evidence seems to indicate that we're complex meat robots, whose existence is basically inevitable given the right initial conditions…

If you put a hamster in a cage with a wheel it will, more or less merrily, continue to run along that wheel until it eventually becomes physically unable to and, in the longrun, passes. It's the blessing, and the curse of humanity, to stop and actually consider at some point, why am I doing this?

And these questions aren't just an abstract search for meaning. Getting back to Aurelius, he and his son were given comparable power and wealth to do with as they personally saw fit. And they chose radically different paths. The path one chooses, in most of all things, is going to be a product of your own personal ethos, which in turn is going to be a product of how you view the world.

And thinking about such things can not only provide greater contentedness, but also help direct you in unclear waters. Why do you do what you do, and is it in line with what or whom you want to be?

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#189

Post by nopenopenopeno »

unload wrote: post #177
nopenopenopeno wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Easy to do when you have stability and dignity. For myself, my first career was wrecked by new technology. Now I am 40 years old in an entry-level SWE position alongside 22 year olds working under people in their late 20s or early 30s. Not only would none of these people accept me as a source of knowledge but they can hardly bare to give me the time of day. I am very proud of my contributions to the team and I don’t…

What’s wrong with entry level SWE at 40? Working for and with younger people is no shame. Someone dear to me could have started SWE at 38 but felt as you do and quit. More than 12 years later they would be a veteran at the job but instead today still are looking in from the outside saying 50 is too late, regretting their decision and making excuses just like they said at 38. Wrong then, wrong now. 12 years from now y…

Thank you for your encouragement. You make some good points and it’s really meaningful.

Re: Midlife: A Philosophical Guide

#190

Post by mahogany »

chii wrote: post #185
thegrimmest wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Acceptance is basically the one and only key to happiness - it's simple to say and hard to practice. But by practicing it even the most miserably ill and destitute people can be happy. It's also not a particularly new idea, going back at least as far as Buddhism. It's also why I'm not inclined to agree with things like perceived inequality as being the root of all misery.

> Acceptance is basically the one and only key to happiness is it really happiness if you just "tricked" yourself to it? If you just changed your goals to something else when you realize you cannot achieve your originally planned goals, is it really "winning"? And if you give up on your dreams, and accept your current circumstances, is that just called despair rather than acceptance?

What is the point of "winning"? Are you sure that your goals and desire to win are not things that society "tricked" you into believing are worthwhile or important?
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