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Teaching Good Sex

nytimes.com

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Re: Teaching Good Sex

#31

Post by gaelian »

philwelch wrote: post #29
gaelian wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find myself somewhat agreeing with the general sentiment of your final paragraph. But "I think it's about time we standardized it" is really rubbing me the wrong way (honestly, not pun initially intended). Either you don't mean that how it sounds or you are massively underestimating the variety of sexual activities that humans engage in and enjoy. Just with the examples you give (common erogenous zones, sensing fee…

The fully generalizable things you can teach would be communication, consent, and respect. But really, a standardized curriculum for sex sounds kind of weird. People would think they're dirty perverts for coming up with something that isn't in the standardized curriculum.

> The fully generalizable things you can teach would be communication, consent, and respect.

Agreed. But this is rather a different kettle of fish to what it appears the grandparent comment was suggesting.

> People would think they're dirty perverts for coming up with something that isn't in the standardized curriculum.

Exactly my concern. There's enough of this going on already without unwittingly enshrining it in some form of sanctioned sex education curriculum.

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#32

Post by om01 »

winter_blue wrote: post #20

For those if you who have never had sex, how does this (seeing this article) make you feel? Please be honest. - I feel a combination of envy and hatred (but I wish I didn't feel like this.)

What age range are you in?

I'm in my mid twenties and feel exactly the same.

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#33

Post by philbarr »

What's this: "If there’s grass on the field, play ball" ?! I think you'll find the actual phrase is, "if there's grass on the wicket, let's play Cricket."

The American-ized version doesn't even rhyme!

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#34

Post by smokinn »

Shenglong wrote: post #7

I recently (well, a few years ago) went through sex education in schools. They don't really teach you sex, as much as why you shouldn't have sex. Even when they're teaching contraception, the consistent emphasis on only x% effective really cuts out student interest. It's almost like saying, "yeah we have a method or preventing HIV transmission, but it doesn't really work." While it might seem like a good idea at firs…

I wish it were this simple.

The school gives this guy a great amount of latitude and it's great that they do because he's truly knowledgeable, does a lot of research and helps his students a lot.

But, for every one of him, there are many others that, given the same latitude, will instead foist their pre-conceived ideas on students and insist that their view of sexual life, however either perverted or abnormally repressive it may be, is the way to go.

It's a hard problem with no easy solution because it involves a great many number of humans.

I really wish all sex-ed could be as great as this school has but I feel like a pessimist when I say that if that amount of latitude was given to every teacher that there would be a regular and constant amount of disasters created.

(Though I do agree that we can do way way better than our current sex-ed curriculum which is absolutely abysmal.. we need something that will at the very least address and provide some counter-points to the vast amounts of hardcore pornography now easily accessible.)

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#35

Post by winter_blue »

lukifer wrote: post #28
winter_blue wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

towards those getting laid.. I know it's stupid, but I think in the past part of it arose from just knowing that they were doing it, and I as a geek was not going to get it. I strongly thought in the past that because I was nerdy, I was automatically despised by girls. I know that's not completely true now, but there is a little bit of truth to it. But to reiterate, I think what gave me this feeling, was thinking tha…

I remember that feeling well. Took years to shake even after the first time. Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.

I don't think that's the right way to go. I think it's better to _change_ yourself in such a way you are more comfortable in talking/interacting with women. AND most importantly to _stop_ thinking they'll hate you just coz your a nerd.

Because there's an interesting effect in play here (this applies to both men/women): if you think other people don't like you, then the way you act towards will possibly cause that to be reality. On the other hand if you actually take an interest in others and try to get to know them, even the ones who were initially repulsed by you will have change of mind.

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#36

Post by tintin »

joshu wrote: post #16
firebones wrote: post #9

Good lord, I saw this headline on HN and thought it was going to be the ESR classic "Sex Tips for Geeks": http://catb.org/~esr/writings/sextips/

why did you link that? now i have to wash my brain out with soap.

Some soap: Everything you've seen or read about sex is false. It is an (growing) experience between the ones who have sex which can not be learned from a book or video.

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#37

Post by darklajid »

FD3SA wrote: post #26

It seems unwise to promote casual sex without fully understanding the consequences. And I don't speak of the overblown disease fears, but the far more serious effects of emotional desensitization. Sex elicits a chemical response much like cocaine or heroin, and is also prone to the build up of tolerance. Thus, casual sex with multiple partners leads to a severely diminished capacity for pair bonding and emotional ful…

The saddest thing is that you seem to be serious about this, even trying to make it 'legit' or somewhat sensible by invoking Occam's Razor.

No facts (a link to general antidepressant consumption and a random blog w/ exactly three posts). Everyone move along, someone just posted a (traditional, right-winged/conservative) private opinion on life and family values with a healthy dose of conspiracy FUD (marriage .. shambles .. unhappiness .. antidepressant).

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#38

Post by davidjohnstone »

winter_blue wrote: post #35
lukifer wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I remember that feeling well. Took years to shake even after the first time. Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.

I don't think that's the right way to go. I think it's better to _change_ yourself in such a way you are more comfortable in talking/interacting with women. AND most importantly to _stop_ thinking they'll hate you just coz your a nerd. Because there's an interesting effect in play here (this applies to both men/women): if you think other people don't like you, then the way you act towards will possibly cause that to…

I've been reading a book called "Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we do". It's a fascinating book, and it mentions how studies have been done to show that when people believe that other people like them, they behave in a way that actually makes other people like them.

And, as the old saying goes (maybe it's not old, but I've seen it many times), the best way to be loved by people is to love people.

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#39

Post by Tichy »

winter_blue wrote: post #20

For those if you who have never had sex, how does this (seeing this article) make you feel? Please be honest. - I feel a combination of envy and hatred (but I wish I didn't feel like this.)

While the article starts out mentioning the students who have lots of sex, later on it explains that those were not actually the majority, and there even were some virgins in the course. And even the ones having lots of sex were also troubled by it.

Reading stuff about colleges in the US, sometimes it seems as if all those kids do is fornicate. I suspect the reality looks quite different.

Just saying that part of the envy might be directed towards a fantasy that never existed. But anyway, I know how you feel...

What stops you from having sex now (assuming you are out of high school)?

Re: Teaching Good Sex

#40

Post by JonnieCache »

lukifer wrote: post #28
winter_blue wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

towards those getting laid.. I know it's stupid, but I think in the past part of it arose from just knowing that they were doing it, and I as a geek was not going to get it. I strongly thought in the past that because I was nerdy, I was automatically despised by girls. I know that's not completely true now, but there is a little bit of truth to it. But to reiterate, I think what gave me this feeling, was thinking tha…

I remember that feeling well. Took years to shake even after the first time. Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.

>It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.

This is a classic nerd's reductionist view of interpersonal interaction. You are not either a nice guy or a bad boy. Your personality has many more degrees of freedom than this. If it doesn't, then that may in fact be your problem.

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