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Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

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Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#71

Post by hypertele-Xii »

elefantastisch wrote: post #66

I think something not measured here but potentially important is the amount of acquaintance contact people have. If you imagine living in a time before high-speed travel and big cities, the people you interacted with day-to-day were basically the same throughout your life. Maybe you weren't "friends" with these people, but just in order to live your life, you would inevitably be bumping into people that you had known…

> Nowadays when we go shopping or for a haircut or whatever, we are mostly interacting with basically anonymous people that we are unlikely to remember even if we do ever see them again.

That's your choice. I shop at the same small businesses food market every time and see the same faces year after year exchanging life anecdotes. I see the shopkeeps there more often than I see my actual friends.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#72

Post by watwut »

Markoff wrote: post #35
spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

As they say you can't choose your family, but you can choose friends, so I can see how many/most of the people would choose between age 20-40 to stay away from family, then when you have your own kids you will start seeing your parents in different context as you became parent and see you was maybe more harsh on them than they deserved plus them helping with watching grandkids is also bonus (this doesn't really apply…

> then when you have your own kids you will start seeing your parents in different context as you became parent and see you was maybe more harsh on them than they deserved

Is this really so common or just something a writer said once? Because I definitely went the opposite way. And genuinely, I never seen anyone say that they did became more understanding toward stuff that bothered them the most when they were younger.

I know both people who try to emulate parents with own parenting and those who are firmly decided to do things differently. (Most have both aspects.)

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#73

Post by watwut »

inglor wrote: post #24

This graph is why I don't like in the USA. When my parents got their green-cards after my dad finished his post-doc in California he spoke to all his researcher friends and noticed that in the US it's common for family to move away to other states so they returned back to our country. Since I live in a small country - I see my parents (and my in-laws) almost every week and they help (considerably) with child-care and…

Most Americans actually stay in or near city where they grew up - 75%.

However, PhDs and post docs essentially have to move for career reasons. So, the researchers are more biased toward moving around.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#75

Post by lampshades »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

I grew up around a large extended family and now live in a large metro away from anyone I’m related to other than my wife and kids.

I wish my kids could grow up like I did but my siblings don’t look like they’re having kids soon and neither do my wife’s siblings.

But, I feel so sad for my children when it’s just us on Christmas. It feels lonely because growing up, Christmas always had like 20 people.

We’ve thought about moving back closer to my family now that I work remotely but my wife is from a different part of the country and that makes it tougher because it would take us further from her family. She’s also from the city (not our current city) and doesn’t like the idea of living somewhere rural (she considers it rural, the metro we’d consider has 500k people though).

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#76

Post by bequanna »

williamtrask wrote: post #60
xkgt wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I came across an interesting take on this in the book Algorithms to live by [1]. They argue that old age is a time of exploitation (as in explore/exploit strategy) where we tend to prioritize relations/experiences that we know to be rewarding. At a younger age, we are more accommodating to explore new experiences. That is why a teenager entering a dorm in a new environment full of strangers can get excited while for…

I think there are maybe other reasons to believe a retirement home may be less fun than a dorm.

Mindset probably has a lot to do with it. Knowing you’re at the beginning vs the end.

Most older people that don’t have Alzheimer’s or dementia are quite aware of their mortality.

We will all get there someday, but I certainly have a lot of respect for those older people that are able to handle aging with so much grace.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#77

Post by hpkuarg »

em500 wrote: post #29
spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

For thousands of years, most people just couldn't move very far due to physics and economics. The were mostly forced to be neighbours with family. It's always valuable to have good relationships with neightbours, whether they're family or not. As the old Dutch saying goes "Beter een goede buur dan een verre vriend” ("it’s better to have good neighbour than a distant friend"). (I think that's an adaptation of a sectio…

Unrelated, but it always amuses me how much Dutch sounds like drunk English ;-)

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#78

Post by Markoff »

watwut wrote: post #72
Markoff wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As they say you can't choose your family, but you can choose friends, so I can see how many/most of the people would choose between age 20-40 to stay away from family, then when you have your own kids you will start seeing your parents in different context as you became parent and see you was maybe more harsh on them than they deserved plus them helping with watching grandkids is also bonus (this doesn't really apply…

> then when you have your own kids you will start seeing your parents in different context as you became parent and see you was maybe more harsh on them than they deserved Is this really so common or just something a writer said once? Because I definitely went the opposite way. And genuinely, I never seen anyone say that they did became more understanding toward stuff that bothered them the most when they were younge…

It's my own experience, while I still disagree with many things my parents did, I don't judge tham as much as before I had kids, now I'm more understanding. It doesn't even mean you approve their approach, you can choose different one, but you can see how difficult it is whatever you decide to do.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#80

Post by randomopining »

sylens wrote: post #54

One thing I have noticed now, and I'm not sure if its a function of myself and my family being older, is that we feel much less compelled to get together for holidays and other events even though the travel time has remained mostly the same. When I was younger, my family would make it a habit of getting together at least on Christmas and Easter and usually also the 4th of July for a big party. Not everybody lived sup…

I've noticed the same thing. I think it comes down to social media/internet has gotten so good at capturing our attention, that other stuff like sitting with relatives and talking about lives and such just seems less interesting. It's really messed up.
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