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Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

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Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#11

Post by threatripper »

renewiltord wrote: post #3

The real wisdom of this graph is that for people who aren't friends with their coworkers, they are spending 4x as much time with not friends as friends. For people who are friends with their coworkers they're just cheating on that play, boosting their friend time.

I think it depends on your role and the relations between the coworkers. Most people can't really be boss and friend at the same time. In some companies backstabbers are plenty and you need to be careful with whom you share your thoughts and weaknesses. So it's wise to clearly separate the "shallow&fake friends" from your real friends with whom you can let your guard down.

On the other hand we can use it as a criterion on selecting a good workplace. If you do not feel comfortable with your coworkers then maybe you should not work there.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#12

Post by threatripper »

ricardobeat wrote: post #2

I’ve seen this graph before and it always makes me very sad - friends and family fade after 40, and everyone ends up spending the vast majority of time alone past 60.

Some things accumulate over your lifetime. You don't need to make the same experience over and over again if you can remember it instead. Also energy goes low for many, so they meet up once per month instead of several times per week, just to save energy and regenerate. Life doesn't really get worse because of it. Time just moves faster and faster.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#14

Post by whateveracct »

noisy_boy wrote: post #7
philosopher1234 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would reread the chart. Time with friends and time with partner stays the same through 60. You just don’t work as much, and your kids move out. It doesn’t seem so tragic to me.

Tragic for folks without a friend circle - your main remaining company is basically your partner which, unless you delight in each others company, isn't great.

I highly recommend delighting in each other's company.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#15

Post by shriphani »

raarts wrote: post #10
Barrin92 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

that you implicitly reduced family to "partner" says a lot. Not seeing your adult kids or them not seeing you or their grandparents, not maintaining a multi-generational and extended family, as used to be the case until very recently is a sad state of affairs in my opinion.

I agree. I think we have taken a wrong turn when we 'decided' to ditch the extended family. As I get older I increasingly feel the deep wish to live with the ones I love in a group. Including my children and their children. This by the way would solve a lot of societal problems we have, including health care, mental health, financial problems, parental care to name a few.

One of the greats - Kurt Vonnegut - on this topic:

"A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys."

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/300997-ok-now-let-s-have-so...

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#16

Post by xref »

noisy_boy wrote: post #7
philosopher1234 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would reread the chart. Time with friends and time with partner stays the same through 60. You just don’t work as much, and your kids move out. It doesn’t seem so tragic to me.

Tragic for folks without a friend circle - your main remaining company is basically your partner which, unless you delight in each others company, isn't great.

Have one of those weddings where you say “my spouse is also my best friend” then you don’t need a friend group too

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#17

Post by spaceman_2020 »

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family.

Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years.

The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances.

I don’t have a solution. But I just know innately that this isn’t how things are supposed be.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#19

Post by nly »

spaceman_2020 wrote: post #17

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

Even a couple of generations ago things were very different. Maybe Americans don't see this so much because it's a country of migrants, but it was common over here in the UK, just a century ago, for people to spend their entire lives within a 10 mile radius of where they were born.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#20

Post by creakingstairs »

Barrin92 wrote: post #8
philosopher1234 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would reread the chart. Time with friends and time with partner stays the same through 60. You just don’t work as much, and your kids move out. It doesn’t seem so tragic to me.

that you implicitly reduced family to "partner" says a lot. Not seeing your adult kids or them not seeing you or their grandparents, not maintaining a multi-generational and extended family, as used to be the case until very recently is a sad state of affairs in my opinion.

I absolutely agree that maintaining a multi generation, extended family is a goal worth having. But the chance of the endeavour succeeding seems to be, anecdotally, around 50%. Some families are just miserable when they are together.
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