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Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

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Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#21

As a parent to a seemingly quickly aging child that I wish I could freeze in time forever, the green line makes me rather sad :(.

To some degree I agree. But then it's average minutes per day. And for that about 1 hour is still a lot of time.

Sometimes these days I would like it to be only 1 hour. :-)

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tragic for folks without a friend circle - your main remaining company is basically your partner which, unless you delight in each others company, isn't great.

I highly recommend delighting in each other's company.

You can still lose your partner and you'll always be better off having friends in that case.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#23

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

Well said. I'm not sure which method is "better" (maybe a society's overall productivity increases if children leave the home, but I don't know if this is "good" for the individual or not), but this does seem unnatural.

However, I didn't feel this way during high school. I spent eight hours there during school itself, and then two or three hours afterwards playing sports with my friends. My memory is a little hazy, but I don't recall spending a lot of time with my parents even back then. But for some reason it feels different today, even though I actually think I spend more time with my parents today (I usually visit them on weekends).

I wonder why that is. Maybe it's because high school (for some of us, not for everyone) is largely spent with your friends, so your "social needs" are more readily met, versus at your typical rank-and-file corporate environment.

Anyways, I'm rambling again. I agree with you though fundamentally: this arrangement seems unnatural, and suboptimal too.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#24
This graph is why I don't like in the USA. When my parents got their green-cards after my dad finished his post-doc in California he spoke to all his researcher friends and noticed that in the US it's common for family to move away to other states so they returned back to our country.

Since I live in a small country - I see my parents (and my in-laws) almost every week and they help (considerably) with child-care and see their grand-kid a lot more.

I wouldn't hold a grudge if they helped less but seeing the joy they have when they're with him probably makes it worth giving up living in the US for them.

Family members do live for a year or two abroad at times (for work) but always return.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I highly recommend delighting in each other's company.

You can still lose your partner and you'll always be better off having friends in that case.

If I lose my partner, the best thing I could've done is delight in her company and give her my focus for what was her entire life.

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#29

Whenever I have a family vacation, I can’t help but think how unnatural our present lives are. For thousands of years, we essentially just lived with and around family. Yet now I get to see my entire family for a few days every year. Some cousins I haven’t met in years. The people I spend the most time with everyday are also the people I care the least for - colleagues and acquaintances. I don’t have a solution. But…

For thousands of years, most people just couldn't move very far due to physics and economics. The were mostly forced to be neighbours with family. It's always valuable to have good relationships with neightbours, whether they're family or not. As the old Dutch saying goes "Beter een goede buur dan een verre vriend” ("it’s better to have good neighbour than a distant friend").

(I think that's an adaptation of a section of the Bible Proverbs 27:10: "Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.")

Re: Who do we spend time with across our lifetime? (2020)

#30

The real wisdom of this graph is that for people who aren't friends with their coworkers, they are spending 4x as much time with not friends as friends. For people who are friends with their coworkers they're just cheating on that play, boosting their friend time.

I've always thought not being friends with your coworkers is a defense mechanism. Most of us have to work to survive, so getting emotionally involved and ending up with an uncomfortable or toxic environment (one with conflict and favoritism) is a big risk.

I've observed that the more highly paid and "professional" your work environment, the harder it is to make friends through work.

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