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Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#141

Post by coenhyde »

Make some radical changes in your life to course correct. A lot of people where are giving you coping mechanisms, ie exercise, no drugs, etc. All good but the problem still exists; you hate doing what you are doing. Don't learn to deal with the current situation, or you will further erode your confidence to do something else.

Maybe you can get a job doing what you like, but even switching employers to do something you don't really care for will still be a step in the right direction. As you will exercise your change muscle.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#142

Post by wnolens »

garrickvanburen wrote: post #137
brailsafe wrote: post #7

Hey, I've had this experience almost perfectly. It's brutal, it's called burnout, and it takes a while to recover from. Loosely, it's depression, but specifically within the context of your personal connection with work. I burnt out for the second time in March 2022, and it took about a year to start having the desire to code again, and another 3/4 of a year to find another job. When I get into this state, I almost a…

I’d like to underline Step 2. My experience w/ Step 2 was playing kubb, barefoot, in my backyard for large chunks of the afternoon. Most of that time was spent telling myself, “work can wait, this is what I’m doing right now.”

Love kubb! I wish I had folks to play with during the work day ahha.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#143

Post by infosecSnowman »

jnovek wrote: post #98
EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

This is good advice, but depression can make these things hard to accomplish. I’ve experienced this before — falling into a rut, becoming depressed and having extraordinary difficulty getting back up. It’s like a motivation off-switch. Talk therapy is good. Try to find a therapist that you can trust. Don’t be afraid of anti-depressants, especially for something likely to be shorter term like this. They don’t change y…

As someone who has been struggling with ADHD their entire adult life. Last week was my first time back on treatment in 15 years. It felt like the brain fog had been lifted and I could think clearly for the first time ever. My situation has been much the same lately.

I will also do a +1 for exercise & talking to a therapist.[though I'm still trying to find one]

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#144

Post by notfish »

jnovek wrote: post #83
outworlder wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ADHD makes you incapable of settling into easy > You have work to do but it's easy. You have a side project but you've figured out the hard parts and so it's just the implementation grind, which is easy. Oh no. That describes me to a T. Is there a differential diagnosis for this kind of behavior?

A PsyD can assess your focus level using a few diagnostics and if you don’t have other problems that better explain your focus deficit (e.g. PTSD or depression) you will be diagnosed with ADHD. Talk to your doctor about it. If you can get in with the PsyD the process is pretty easy and non-painful. The hard part is adapting how you approach the world once you know that you have ADHD, but it’s absolutely worth it.

Also, realistically, having ADHD doesn’t mean you need to start taking meds or changing your life or something. Think of the word “ADHD” as recognizing that theres a class of people who fit these labels, are often predisposed to these issues, and can sometimes be helped by these solutions - it’s only a disorder if it causes problems in your life :)

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#145

Post by jayde2767 »

EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

To this I would add, make sure you have a great support network, be it friends, family, significant other or even co-workers. Also, never underestimate the benefits of a decent therapist.

The weed is only contributing to your depression. You may think it helps you escape, but it actually is making it worse.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#147

Post by wnolens »

wayoverthecloud wrote: post #119

It looks like you have discovered that life is boring. Doesn't matter in tech or any profession, we work to create wealth and get so engrossed in it. Once we conquer the "wealth" part we feel we don't have a meaning or a purpose anymore. And life is actually boring. To see life is boring and has no meaning is intelligence. I would go as far as to say only fools don't realize that life is boring and go on distracting…

I don't think life is _necessarily_ boring as you claim. It's just that a lot about life is boring, particularly working at a job you don't intrinsically enjoy as well as things like commuting, preparing/waiting for food, etc.

But a best friend? A delicious meal? Making love? Learning something you want to know about? I could go on.

If you're bored, it's because your life is structured to not contain any of the things that make you feel alive, or you are a boring person.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#149

Post by switchbak »

wayoverthecloud wrote: post #119

It looks like you have discovered that life is boring. Doesn't matter in tech or any profession, we work to create wealth and get so engrossed in it. Once we conquer the "wealth" part we feel we don't have a meaning or a purpose anymore. And life is actually boring. To see life is boring and has no meaning is intelligence. I would go as far as to say only fools don't realize that life is boring and go on distracting…

This is actually very important. Learning how to live with yourself, your thoughts, and to cultivate contentment in the presence of (sometimes deep) boredom is hugely important.

Boredom is absolutely central to motivation and imagination. Our culture generally treats it as something to be avoided at all costs. And modern tech companies mine your attention for clicks and $$, they don't care about you, and they foster a world that's antithetical to quiet alone (boring) time.

Seeing your actions (watching Seinfeld, playing games) in the context of your motivation system is valuable. Andrew Huberman talks a lot about this, and ways to bootstrap getting out of a motivation hole (like it sounds the OP is in).

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#150

Post by ed-209 »

Remote work has made me even more introverted than before and I'm actively searching for an in-office gig to help me muster the motivation to shower and dress. Perhaps you can relate.

Finding the right career path is hard and sucks but it is preferable to be doing this now as opposed to your 40's so count yourself somewhat lucky. There's always software development (an option most don't have).

When I feel uninspired by a song I'm writing, I shelve it and spend that time on one that does inspire me. I'll come back to it if the mood strikes me but never feel obliged. Maybe the side-project is like that.

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