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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#241

Post by buscoquadnary »

aidenn0 wrote: post #159
mooreds wrote: post #2

Some advice from someone a bit further down the career path: * If you want to try something, try it! Save up some runway, do your own thing. Try some other projects right now, don't wait. (You won't be able to devote full time effort to them, but can still make progress.) You may find that what you dream about isn't all that, or maybe it is. Either way you can take steps forward. * I learned to be happy with my life…

> * It is a cliche, but kids are only young once. Enjoy that time. I don't know if I'm wired differently, but my oldest kid is in HS and my youngest is halfway through elementary school, and while I didn't hate the time I spent with my kids, I don't feel like I derived a whole lot of personal enjoyment out of it. I still would make the same decision -- feeling loved and cared for rather than abandoned is a great gift…

It's one of those things that pays out over time, and 20 years from now because you invested your time in your children you'll be able to enjoy them and grandchildren much more than anything else you could've done.

As a good quote I heard once said "No success can compensate for failure in the home"

jobs come and go, achievements are eventually forgotten, and wealth doesn't last forever, but your family will be pretty constant.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#242

Post by enduser »

kevmo314 wrote: post #220
2OEH8eoCRo0 wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

> Don't derive purpose from chasing more because you'll always adjust to whatever you attain. I'd rephrase this, or at least maybe this is what the intent was: it's not that bad to derive purpose from chasing more but it's probably bad to derive purpose from attaining. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious as long as the journey is how you derive purpose.

Also: chasing less has the same effect

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#243

Post by nunez »

What worked for me was two things: calculating my number and tracking all of my expenses.

I did that listing everything that I wanted that would make me and my wife happy, calculating the yearly cost of those things, and dividing that by the average yearly rate of return for a plain old index fund portfolio, which was 4% at the time.

When I did this six years ago, my number was $5M. Which is a lot, but is also not very much. I can't find the spreadsheet now, but it included things like:

- A $700,000 house in Highland Park, Dallas (houses are >$1M now, which is still a bargain if you're coming from the Bay)

- Two cars totaling about $150,000

- $30,000/year in vacations

- A large spending budget

I knew that short of starting a startup and it getting an exit (and me not getting screwed by my investors or partners), the only way I'd be able to hit this is to get as close to where the money is made as I can and being ruthless about comp negotiation.

Tracking all of my expenses has helped me visually see where the lifestyle inflation is happening and determine what things I should invest more into or cut out of my life. It has also made forecasting big future purchases much easier, as I can see how the purchase will impact me with a very high degree of confidence. This somehow makes me attaining that thing more real, which helps drive me towards taking opportunities that will yield more comp.

I don't believe in "be happy with what you have." That's what those with say to those without to make them "feel better" that they didn't win the life lottery. I say "always chase more, but know what 'more' is so that you know where to stop!"

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#244

Post by glouwbug »

goodpoint wrote: post #210
glouwbug wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Never in history has a commoner lived better than any of the feudal kings. Your average work from home yuppie has access to a warm home, door dash, video games, and online dating; betterments no longer akin to that of a king in their castle with their serf'd up veggies, lamely jesters, and brothel mismanagement and inbreeding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgKWNcs_20g

Absurd. Never in history the world had the wealth and technology that exists now. And yet your average work from home "yuppie" still has to work 40 hours a week doing SEO or fiddling with YAML to make some billionaire more rich. "door dash" does not give meaning to your life and ultimately you'll not be happy if you feel you live as a cog in an unnecessary company making an unnecessary product. And if that's not enou…

Good point

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#245

Post by Javantea_ »

yboris wrote: post #177

The most meaningful thing I've found in the world is to help others. But I think good intentions are not enough - it is important to care about how effectively you help others. So I recommend Effective Altruism - a community of people working on making the world a better place while focusing on effectiveness of their actions. https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ For over 10 years I've been giving at least 10% of my inc…

Can you give any advice on how to get in the right mindset to give significant part of your income to charity? Or did you have no trouble deciding that? I understand how fortunate I am, but I cannot convince myself to give.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#246

Post by burrows »

chrsig wrote: post #64

I'm in a very similar situation, almost identical, sans kids. I too have this 'struggle'. There's no solution, you're just experiencing life. You're at a stage where you're more safe than you probably had been in the past (I don't know about you, but the 2008 crash really set the tone for my young adulthood). I know I tend to think "I've finally arrived...now what?" Some combination of suggestion & things that've wor…

How many self-help books and YouTube videos does it usually take before someone starts offering advice like this?

absolutely great stuff

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#247

Post by pdxandi »

bavila wrote: post #233
0000011111 wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would like to add two other ways to get off the hedonic treadmill for a bit. 1. Backpacking for a 1 week time period or longer. Living out of a backpack is a great way to help rest your brain terms of its standard perspective on what it thinks it needs to be happy in day to day life. Also, there are some nice places you can walk to with a backpack on that you can not drive to. 2. A Therapeutic mushroom trip - read…

I've done an extended backpacking trip (4 months). Probably took about a month before feeling like a truly therapeutic break. I don't think a week would have been nearly enough.

Did you live out in the wilderness that whole time or travel around out of a backpack? The two are obviously very different so am curious your experience. I have had friends who have backpacked along the PCT, CDT, AT, etc. and they all returned different people.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#248

Post by pdxandi »

willhslade wrote: post #161
jvanderbot wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For anyone interested, the above topics (Stoicism, positive psychology, budhism) are all nicely discussed in Happiness Hypothesis, by Jonathan Haidt.

Which is an excellent book, thank you for pointing that out.

Which one? “Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom” or “Ten Ways to Find Happiness and Meaning in Life”?

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#249

Post by presentation »

Sounds like you think you wanted a stable, comfortable life, but what you really want is something else. Try things to see what makes you feel invigorated. And note that what those things are, may change over time, and may require sacrifice of what you have today.
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