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Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

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Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#231
My two cents (as someone who definitely does not have all the answers, but is learning as I get older):

1) Know that this is a completely normal feeling, especially in more individualistic/atomized cultures where status competitions are more pronounced.

2) YOU have the answer to your question, it's just a matter of uncovering it. I would recommend writing/journaling. Spend a lot of quiet time exploring your thoughts, and asking probing questions of yourself. "Why do I want to do more? What do I think will happen once I do those projects? How will that feel? etc." If I were to guess, some of the story may be around the drive for increased social status. But I can only speculate.

3) Remember you are a human with a physical body/needs, stay attuned to it. Move your body, exercise, go outside and breathe in fresh air, eat well, play with your kids/family/friends. Working remote and on a computer is incredibly convenient, but sometimes it removes our attention from the physical world.

4) Be BIG in your very SMALL world, forget about trying to be BIG in the BIG world - If there's any part of you that thinks about how what you accomplish looks to others and how it'll reflect on your relative status/legacy, I'd recommend making your world smaller/more local. The internet/media shows us what outliers are doing all around the world at all times, and it can make whatever we're doing feel so miniscule in comparison. You'll never 'Win' the global status games, nobody can really. Focus on your very small part of the world, your family, your friends, your local community. How can you be the best parent/spouse/neighbor to them? Being good here has the highest ROI once you've let go of the global status games (which you'll be forced to let go of at some point). For creative projects - what will bring YOU or those closest to you joy? Forget about thinking about how anything you build will scale broadly/globally.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#232
post #85

I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile. I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric pla…

My conjecture is that happiness will not be found by a job switch. Having a stable job that gives you the money and enough time to pursue your life’s passions is very valuable. I think an artist with a day job would be happier than an artist that scrapes by selling their art. Quitting a well paying job that provides free time _right away_ adds unnecessary lifestyle pressure. My advice is to find and foster your passions outside of work before making career changes, then reorient your life with renewed focus.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#233

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

I would like to add two other ways to get off the hedonic treadmill for a bit. 1. Backpacking for a 1 week time period or longer. Living out of a backpack is a great way to help rest your brain terms of its standard perspective on what it thinks it needs to be happy in day to day life. Also, there are some nice places you can walk to with a backpack on that you can not drive to. 2. A Therapeutic mushroom trip - read…

I've done an extended backpacking trip (4 months). Probably took about a month before feeling like a truly therapeutic break. I don't think a week would have been nearly enough.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Correct. It works in reverse too. Anecdote: As I deployed to Afghanistan from my duty station on Okinawa things got progressively shitty. Okinawa -> Manas: Living conditions suck but they have a decent chow hall. Manas -> Camp Leatherneck: Crappy living, crappy chow. Camp Leatherneck -> FOB: wow this sucks. FOB -> combat outpost: holy shit this sucks! How am I gonna do 7 months of this?! I did. Got used to it. Was ac…

> Don't derive purpose from chasing more because you'll always adjust to whatever you attain. I'd rephrase this, or at least maybe this is what the intent was: it's not that bad to derive purpose from chasing more but it's probably bad to derive purpose from attaining. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious as long as the journey is how you derive purpose.

Yes, that's exactly it.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#236
What you describe seems to be a lack of setting a personal goal for yourself. A goal that gives you a sense of purpose and personal growth.

Things you considered fantastic when you where younger are, of course, still fantastic (if not to you then certainly to somebody else). Once you achieved these things, you realized that many of these things are still very important but more similar to carrying a responsibility than providing a sense of fulfillment beyond this responsibility.

It is probably fine to not have any meetings, but how many meaningful conversation do you have with people you care outside of your family (at the job, while enjoying a hobby, when talking to people in your neighborhood) on a regular basis?

What is certainly human is to reflect on paths taken, to think about possibilities, to think about what could have been. This is natural but not necessarily very helpful. The key is not to live in the past or to live in the future... the key is to live in the present and learn to see and enjoy the good moments in life while they last.

You wrote you have a good relationship with your wife and that you have healthy kids. Congratulations! You are blessed with something you can`t buy with money or status. Make the most out of it.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#237
Take psychedelics and meditate together with your life-long partner and to discover some long neglected parts of your body and cells and sensors as you sense the universe

As within so without

As above so below

It is through a greater discovery of your physical manifestation that you gain deeper Insight into the fabrics of reality

What a wonder it is to be alive

The present is a gift from the world

Time is ephemeral. We all leave eventually. Before that, bring gifts into this world the way the world has upon you!

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#238
post #2

Some advice from someone a bit further down the career path: * If you want to try something, try it! Save up some runway, do your own thing. Try some other projects right now, don't wait. (You won't be able to devote full time effort to them, but can still make progress.) You may find that what you dream about isn't all that, or maybe it is. Either way you can take steps forward. * I learned to be happy with my life…

> * It is a cliche, but kids are only young once. Enjoy that time. I don't know if I'm wired differently, but my oldest kid is in HS and my youngest is halfway through elementary school, and while I didn't hate the time I spent with my kids, I don't feel like I derived a whole lot of personal enjoyment out of it. I still would make the same decision -- feeling loved and cared for rather than abandoned is a great gift…

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I find it rare for parents to share the non-glowing reviews, and it's refreshing to hear.

Re: Tell HN: I have the perfect job, why is it not enough?

#240

You are describing the hedonic treadmill. Essentially, you become used to your surroundings, and while they are objectively great, from the perspective of inside your own head, this is now normal and you / your monkey mind wants more. There have been a lot of post floating around the internet with various solutions, the most popular being Stoicism > Positive Psychology / Happiness research > Buddhism / Meditation. I'…

There's also the angle that each day is the same as yesterday and the person doesn't feel like it's leading anywhere. It's the same as laying bricks for life or being a simple farmer. It puts food on the table but does nothing for the mind.
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