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Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

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Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#121

Post by silicon2401 »

david422 wrote: post #118
silicon2401 wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Yes, there are benefits, but if you haven't reached the point of wanting a dog simply because you want a dog, then getting a dog probably isn't the right choice. Do you make all major life decisions in this way, i.e. just wanting something because you want it? Would you encourage someone who's violent and abusive have kids just because they want them, too? It's a genuine question because it's shockingly unrelatable…

Wanting something is the prerequisite for then continuing further. Kids aren't something you can do a cost-benefit analysis for and then change your mind.

Is that true for you? I've changed my mind about major things in my life through cost-benefit analyses.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#123

Post by Balgair »

silicon2401 wrote: post #113
Balgair wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've had a few extended family members who tried the 'money will take care of me' route. So, small sample size warning. It doesn't work out well. The people in the nursing homes/hospice still are only their to be paid. They don't care about you deep down. So, things like bedsores are allowed to fester, cancer diagnoses come a bit later than you'd like, loneliness sets it (especially during covid), your diapers aren't…

> If you don't have someone watching out for you that really does care for you, you're going to be treated poorly. Especially if you develop any mental problems in your old age. Kids won't always do this. In fact it's possible for kids to be the ones treating you poorly in your old age, and it happens more often than people like to admit. > You don't have to have kiddos, but you do have to have someone out there near…

Oh sure, of course.

But if you're the one raising them, you've got a hell of a way to bias that coin flip. Or, to extend the metaphor, mint new coins.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#124

Post by the_third_wave »

silicon2401 wrote: post #115
the_third_wave wrote: post #46

It sounds like you don't want to have children and are trying to justify that choice. While I can unequivocally state that I never had any regret having - as in fathering and raising - children I will not try to convince you of the error in your ways. If you don't want to have children, don't have them - it will give you the opportunity to dedicate your life to yourself and it will spare your not-to-be-born children…

Have you ever imagined that someone who's infertile or lacks reproductive organs could be capable of equalling your worth as a human being? Or do you assume that in the absence of children, human beings are only capable of a life of hedonism and self-indulgence? Your comment is a great example of the unabashed stigmatization and intolerance towards people who don't have kids by many of those who do, who at the same t…

Put that straw man in the garden, it might scare off some birds. If the poster was infertile s/he'd have posed a different question - leaving it to the rest of the world to insinuate what motivation lies behind a question and to treat any other interpretation as "insensitive" or "stigmatisation" or what-have-you-not is just a way of putting up tripwires for people to stumble over. This happens all too often and should not be encouraged.

Honesty goes the furthest, whether in asking or in answering questions.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#125

Post by uberman »

sforza wrote: post #88
uberman wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How long do you imagine $300k (the average cost to raise a kid) will last you in a luxury nursing home?

We all know that $300k is nowhere near how much it takes to raise a child.

That or something close to it is what comes up if you search average cost to raise a child. So clearly some popular opinion holds this to be true. If you would like to offer some other number you feel you can defend, I'll be happy to talk about it some more. Let's say you come up with a number like 500k. That will not last you a year at a luxury assisted living facility.

Forgoing children is no guarantee of a luxury lifestyle nor grant you a luxury stay during your twilight years.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#126

Post by nunez »

the_third_wave wrote: post #124
silicon2401 wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you ever imagined that someone who's infertile or lacks reproductive organs could be capable of equalling your worth as a human being? Or do you assume that in the absence of children, human beings are only capable of a life of hedonism and self-indulgence? Your comment is a great example of the unabashed stigmatization and intolerance towards people who don't have kids by many of those who do, who at the same t…

Put that straw man in the garden, it might scare off some birds. If the poster was infertile s/he'd have posed a different question - leaving it to the rest of the world to insinuate what motivation lies behind a question and to treat any other interpretation as "insensitive" or "stigmatisation" or what-have-you-not is just a way of putting up tripwires for people to stumble over. This happens all too often and shoul…

You focused so much on the strawman (infertility) that you forgot to answer the very real question right behind it (stigmatization of people who voluntarily choose to be child-free).

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#127

Post by uberman »

agent008t wrote: post #97
hotpotamus wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's funny is that I can't tell whether you think $300K is high or low, and to me the number sounds about right. That said, I'll throw in my two cents here because it's as good a place as any. Though I have internal conflict on the whole issue of having children, I have to say that treating them as a means of investment for old age care has two issues - one, it seems kind of like a dick move to them, and two, it's…

300K would barely cover the cost of an extra bedroom per child. Let alone the fact that some places around the world require one to send their child to private school, fund university costs etc.

The average home price in the USA is about 300k so clearly this is wildly overstated.

Yes some parents would rather send thier kids to a private school and to be frank, we do, but that is a choice not a requirement.

I don't know any place where the only option for schooling is an expensive private school.

Saying that kids are not financial worth it, then constantly moving the goal posts to create a strawman to justify it is a waste of people's time.

If someone wants to argue that kids with special needs who require private schooling and a fully detached house in Palo Alto are expensive and a stretch to financially justify that is one thing but let's get a clear play field so that the goal posts are not constantly in flux.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#128

Post by nunez »

the_third_wave wrote: post #46

It sounds like you don't want to have children and are trying to justify that choice. While I can unequivocally state that I never had any regret having - as in fathering and raising - children I will not try to convince you of the error in your ways. If you don't want to have children, don't have them - it will give you the opportunity to dedicate your life to yourself and it will spare your not-to-be-born children…

"Error in your ways?" Are you serious?

It is totally possible to have a fulfilling life without children. My wife and I (both in our mid-30s) do it! Volunteering, exploring the world, good times with friends, tinkering, planting, side projects...

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#129

Post by RhysU »

willcipriano wrote: post #23

> both parents will need to work to fund raising a child, so the mother necessarily has to do 1.5 or 2 full-time jobs Doesn't need to be true. A woman can take a year off or so to breastfeed and recover from the birth, at that point you can send the kid to daycare and split the child care duties. In my house my wife prefers the child care stuff so I pitch in by doing most of the other household chores, but since my d…

> "You can be friends with your children when they are 14 or when they are 40, not both."

A friend recently taught me:

If you raise your children you can spoil your grandchildren. If you spoil your children you will raise your grandchildren.

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