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Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

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Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#101

Post by agent008t »

the_third_wave wrote: post #46

It sounds like you don't want to have children and are trying to justify that choice. While I can unequivocally state that I never had any regret having - as in fathering and raising - children I will not try to convince you of the error in your ways. If you don't want to have children, don't have them - it will give you the opportunity to dedicate your life to yourself and it will spare your not-to-be-born children…

False dichotomy. Not procreating does not imply a life of self-indulgence. Just like choosing to not sleep 5 hours a night and getting a 2nd job during the freed up hours to donate the proceeds to charity or imposing any other needless hardship on yourself imply a life of self-indulgence.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#102

Post by agent008t »

mcphage wrote: post #68

Because kids are awesome. It's great to watch them grow, and learn, and discover joy in the world. And watching them experience things for the first time brings back the happiness you felt when you first experienced those same things. Raising them can be challenging, but kids themselves are great. "What's in it for me" isn't really a great question, though, since it's not about you.

It obviously is about 'you', given that the children in question do not exist yet.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#103

Post by replicatorblog »

Balgair wrote: post #71
replicatorblog wrote: post #45

My nine-year-old daughter has had cancer and been diagnosed with epilepsy and high-functioning autism. Despite these challenges... + Being a parent is fun. Kids are super funny. Teaching them stuff is a treat, and seeing their interests emerge is a wonderful feeling. Assuming you love your spouse, you get to see this chimera of the best parts of you and your partner walking around in the world. + Kids are also famili…

Sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope she gets better. Fuck Cancer.

Thanks! She'll be five years post-treatment in November, so we're blessed on that front!

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#104

Post by sforza »

agent008t wrote: post #102
mcphage wrote: post #68

Because kids are awesome. It's great to watch them grow, and learn, and discover joy in the world. And watching them experience things for the first time brings back the happiness you felt when you first experienced those same things. Raising them can be challenging, but kids themselves are great. "What's in it for me" isn't really a great question, though, since it's not about you.

It obviously is about 'you', given that the children in question do not exist yet.

LOL. Indeed choosing to having children is arguably the most selfish decision one can make in their life.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#105

Post by hotpotamus »

agent008t wrote: post #97
hotpotamus wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's funny is that I can't tell whether you think $300K is high or low, and to me the number sounds about right. That said, I'll throw in my two cents here because it's as good a place as any. Though I have internal conflict on the whole issue of having children, I have to say that treating them as a means of investment for old age care has two issues - one, it seems kind of like a dick move to them, and two, it's…

300K would barely cover the cost of an extra bedroom per child. Let alone the fact that some places around the world require one to send their child to private school, fund university costs etc.

And yet somehow humans got on before all that. I know a few people who have kids and I can guarantee they aren't spending near that much because they don't have that much.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#106

Post by silicon2401 »

Someone1234 wrote: post #73
silicon2401 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This sounds like a response from someone who takes for granted that kids are good. The OP just asked what the benefits are to having kids, with some reasons given for why he doesn't see the idea as positive. If you think this post is biased you should try going through life as someone who doesn't want kids, people really take it personally when you say you're not interested in the idea

This is a response from someone who has been in too many online discussions, and knows when the question/supposition is pinned in such a way to essentially make good faith discussion surrounding it impossible. In this case the OP made a bunch of claims which they cannot support, and then wants people to defend those claims/find counter-benefits to offset them. They've essentially pinned the discussion so that it wast…

What an oddly paranoid take on the thread. OP literally just said he's looking for new perspectives, because X has led him to his current perspective. I disagree completely that he did anything in poor faith; I think that you're just disregarding the question of "What are the benefits to having kids" outright, rather than take it seriously, which is my response as someone who has been in many online and in-person discussions about the idea of not having kids.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#107

Post by unrestifarian »

Sounds like you're a dude with sexist assumptions about parenthood: "the mother necessarily has to do 1.5 or 2 full-time jobs."

I'm a dad with two kids and it's fair to do that my wife AND i both have 2 full time jobs: yes, as a man, I do laundry, bathe the kids, put them to bed, drive them to activities, cook, do dishes - as much as she does (some more, some less but it evens out). Welcome to the 21st century - turns out parenthood can be 'man's work' just as much as it can be 'woman's work.'

Onward from that initial poor and sexist assumption. . .

If you want to read up on the empirical reasons for having kids based on 'happiness' as the criterion, check out 'Stumbling on Happiness.' In that book, it documents that, yes, parents are overall less happy than non-parents (moment-to-moment).

Despite this fact parents arguably can have deeper moments of happiness (however less infrequent).

As my mom once said wisely - "no one ever reasonably decides to have kids."

If you're using reason and rationality as deciders, most likely you won't have kids. . .and that's fine since our planet seems pretty full and humans consume way too much.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#108

Post by andrewclunn »

dragonwriter wrote: post #47
andrewclunn wrote: post #28

Because the people who don't consider the long term ramifications of having children are still breeding, so the trajectory of humanity (compounded even more by social safety nets) is now toward R style reproduction (aka "spray and pray"). So if you are concerned about the future of humanity, having at least one child that you raise well (assuming you have no genetic diseases) is a large portion of your contribution t…

> Because the people who don't consider the long term ramifications of having children are still breeding, so the trajectory of humanity (compound even more by social safety nets) is now toward R style reproduction (aka "spray and pray"). Except that it's factually the opposite: numbers of children per family are declining, and that's especially the case in places with strong social safety nets because descendants ar…

Nope, that's just apologist rhetoric for the "all people are equal" religion that underlies our modern disfunction. Look who is and who is not having children in those societies. It is not evenly distributed. Of course admitting that publicly violates so many BS sacred cows that I have no doubt that you were the person who downvoted my comment prior to "refuting" it.

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#109

Post by silicon2401 »

yesenadam wrote: post #10

A lot of people have children because they want to, they feel a desire to. Not because they "should" or have done a cost/benefit analysis. I find that hard to fit into either of what I find your very unpleasant framings of the question: > What are the benefits to having children nowadays? > why one should choose to procreate nowadays p.s. I'm 51. I don't have children - I've never felt the desire to, but figure I wil…

> I find that hard to fit into either of what I find your very unpleasant framings of the question:

Why do you find these questions unpleasant? Do you find it unpleasant to analyze the benefits of other life-changing, irrevocable decisions?

Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?

#110

Post by sforza »

unrestifarian wrote: post #107

Sounds like you're a dude with sexist assumptions about parenthood: "the mother necessarily has to do 1.5 or 2 full-time jobs." I'm a dad with two kids and it's fair to do that my wife AND i both have 2 full time jobs: yes, as a man, I do laundry, bathe the kids, put them to bed, drive them to activities, cook, do dishes - as much as she does (some more, some less but it evens out). Welcome to the 21st century - turn…

You're sexist if you assume I'm a dude. I'm a woman. I actually think that gives my OP more weight.
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