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Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
81–90 of 139 posts
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#82Because the world is going to hell in a hand-basket, and no-one else is going to look after you when you get old? (i.e., the original reason for having kids). It it worth noting, I don't have kids (don't like them, they have no conversation)
But arguably if you remain childfree you'll be able to throw money at the problem - you can afford a luxury nursing home.
How long do you imagine $300k (the average cost to raise a kid) will last you in a luxury nursing home?
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#83All reasons mentioned here seem pretty selfish. The thing about having a kid is that it's not just about you, but bringing into existence a complicated piece of consciousness who wouldn't have existed if you didn't procreate. Life is full of suffering. This is not something new, it's what the Buddha also observed 2500 years ago. And now with climate change and all it ain't gonna get any easier for the new generation. So it's a big decision to bring a life into this world. The pros and cons shouldn't just be about you but also the kid who you would bring into this world. Remember you have a lifetime of responsibility towards the kids, it's basically your fault that they even exist. You can't just throw them out at 18. Morally as a parent you are tied down to a lifetime of commitment towards the happiness of your progeny. Can you afford healthcare for your kid if they have some chronic lifelong disease? Can you get your kid married if they are not traditionally good looking? Basically can you afford to give your kid a good standard of living that makes life worth living? If yes please have kids, we need more of them.
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#84Earlier quoted context omitted.
Here again I ask - what are the reasons?!
The real answer about why people in general have children isn’t formatted like a “reason.” There’s a primal drive in most people, a kind of psychosomatic/biological imperative that drives them (to great lengths, when necessary) to have kids. That’s the real answer, and none of what you listed in the OP, including the maybe kind of true things, are a crux for that imperative.
The primal drive is only of sex. Most people throughout history wanted sex, not babies. But now with birth control people have the choice. It's the reason why the fertility rate is declining in most developed countries. I think if birth control existed in the time of Jesus, then also a large majority of people would have chosen to be childfree or have only 1-2 kids
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
Here again I ask - what are the reasons?!
I don't think anyone's going to argue with you about the points you listed out. People who genuinely want children don't go through exercises like this; the fact you've made this post at all makes it abundantly clear that your decision has already been made.
I disagree. For example, let us consider someone who has not considered getting a cat or thinks that there are no benefits to living with a cat. They asked people living with cats for advice, just like OP. A reasonable cat housemate would not say "people who genuinely want cats don't go through exercises like this; the fact you've made this post at all makes it abundantly clear that your decision has already been made". What would they say instead?
1. Spend some time with someone who lives with a cat and loves it. Watch them interacting with cats and have them teach you how to communicate with cats, play with them and understand them and be understood by them. Hopefully this will get rid of preconceived notions of what cats are like and teach you, vicariously, the joys of cat companionship.
2. Ask to look after a friend's cat that you are OK with for 2-3 weeks, while they go on holiday etc. Have the cat move in with you for that time period and try to make friends. You will probably have a decent idea then if living with a cat will make your life better or not.
Now, of course, they would also make you aware of the downsides. It is difficult to travel, especially during busy periods like Christmas, as you have to find someone to look after the cat. They make wake you up at night or scratch you at times. Looking after them and playing with them is an additional time commitment. Unfortunately, chances are you will outlive them. But they would also inform you of the benefits (that you would've experienced when living with a cat for 3 weeks) and let you decide if the benefits outweigh the costs for you: cats are funny, furry independent creatures; they warm the soul. Etc. etc.
So why does it not work the same way with children? "Look after a friends' children for 3 weeks while their parents go on holidays, and you will experience the joys and know if they outweigh the negatives" seems to never be mentioned.
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#86If you need to ask you're not ready to be a parent.
Nonsense answer. Implies that wanting to have children is the correct choice.
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#87Earlier quoted context omitted.
Here again I ask - what are the reasons?!
The real answer about why people in general have children isn’t formatted like a “reason.” There’s a primal drive in most people, a kind of psychosomatic/biological imperative that drives them (to great lengths, when necessary) to have kids. That’s the real answer, and none of what you listed in the OP, including the maybe kind of true things, are a crux for that imperative.
Is there a primal drive in most people though? I do not think any of my friends in high school or in college had any great longing of becoming a father - did you? They had plenty of other drives, though. So if this primal drive you speak of exists, it must somehow appear out of seemingly nowhere - indeed out of aversion - after one's mid 20. And the mechanism for that eludes me. What sort of hormonal changes lead to it? Is it a gradual change, or do you wake up one morning and think 'God, you know what I'd really love? To be looking after a baby!'
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
But arguably if you remain childfree you'll be able to throw money at the problem - you can afford a luxury nursing home.
How long do you imagine $300k (the average cost to raise a kid) will last you in a luxury nursing home?
We all know that $300k is nowhere near how much it takes to raise a child.
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#89Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't think anyone's going to argue with you about the points you listed out. People who genuinely want children don't go through exercises like this; the fact you've made this post at all makes it abundantly clear that your decision has already been made.
> makes it abundantly clear that your decision has already been made That doesn't make it wrong to ask why others make a different decision. Should seeking empathy not be applauded? Yes, the question does imply, almost aggressively so, a certain bias, but perhaps it would be better if you were not to discourage the desire to understand by unnecessarily responding in kind. [FWIW: I also have no intention of procreatin…
Why should seeking empathy be applauded? The value of having children and the value of having empathy are grounded in the same traditional morality. In discarding that tradition whether in part or in whole, there’s no reason to value empathy — it’s just another subjective belief some people hold.
Re: Ask HN: What are the benefits to having children nowadays?
#90Earlier quoted context omitted.
The real answer about why people in general have children isn’t formatted like a “reason.” There’s a primal drive in most people, a kind of psychosomatic/biological imperative that drives them (to great lengths, when necessary) to have kids. That’s the real answer, and none of what you listed in the OP, including the maybe kind of true things, are a crux for that imperative.
Is there a primal drive in most people though? I do not think any of my friends in high school or in college had any great longing of becoming a father - did you? They had plenty of other drives, though. So if this primal drive you speak of exists, it must somehow appear out of seemingly nowhere - indeed out of aversion - after one's mid 20. And the mechanism for that eludes me. What sort of hormonal changes lead to…
Indeed. We all know that what really happens is the majority of women want children and their men simply go along with it.