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Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
301–310 of 741 posts
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#302Earlier quoted context omitted.
I used to believe this kind of advice. However, I’ve actually spent quite a bit of time working on myself and coming to peace with my life as it is. I think the everything will follow piece is a spiritual bypass that isn’t reflected in reality. There are so many confident, beautiful , career-driven women who are in the same predicament as me. I think that women are learning to take charge in every aspect of their liv…
All this talk about men being threatened by your career - eh, I really can't relate. I wouldn't focus or worry about that. I'd just recommend working to accept older male features: balding, dad bod, maybe not too tall, etc. Have you read the story of Chris McKinlay hacking Okcupid? https://www.wired.com/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/ Your post could be a personals ad of sorts but you stopped short of inviting readers t…
Maybe that’s the best idea yet :) and actually it looks like some dates might even come out of this post unexpectedly!!
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#303You went on over 120 dates. What happened with them?
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#304Earlier quoted context omitted.
But do you know how many tried and failed? The chance of failure at 40 is definitely higher than 30 (unless you froze eggs when younger). > The percentage of IVF cycle starts that resulted in live births was 41.5% in women younger than 35 years, 31.9% in women aged 35–37 years, 22.1% in women aged 38–40 years, 12.4% in women aged 41–42 years, 5% in women aged 43–44 years, and 1 % for women older than 44 years. In con…
Are either of you women ? This is seriously obnoxious to ask about on a first date and ignores the reality that many women such as myself , fortunately are quite fertile and capable of having children. I’m sorry but a woman would not post this BS
That's not how statistics work. Which is why the GP post was pointing out the absence of negatives when only selecting for positives. It is certainly something that is crass to bring up on a first date, and I would never, but it is a reality that many women face and they should be forewarned. Not by me, but by media, sex ed at school, other women.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#305The biggest lie told in western society is that a woman can either have it all or that getting married/mom is being oppressed.
So the story is now for a woman to work hard, go to school, work / become a “boss bi*” and be independent. Don’t need a man! You go girl!
So this woman reaches a local maxima in career and by her 30s starts to question the narrative she’s bought into. Except Father Time has taken its toll, and what was once a healthy fruitful person is slowly turning into a dry fruit.
A successful career woman, will want to find a partner who’s her equal or better. So she’s now targeting someone who’s:
mid-30s+ * at same income or higher * single
Except this dreamy man who fits the criteria is looking for :
* woman in 20s * income ? Who cares?
So now our boss lady is left sad and mad at the false narrative she’s been fed her whole life. A couple more years pass and whatever fake dreams of “I heard IVF is really good now!” Are long gone.
Free lunches don’t exist.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#306If you've only been doing it for two years... it may just not be long enough. I'm so sorry that's the case, but it seems to be. Also, you say a lot about yourself, but not a lot about what makes someone a "marriageable man". What are your criteria? Who are you looking for? Clearly you have a lot of people who seem like good candidates, so what rules them out? My own anecdata is that it took me about three years of se…
I’d warn the poster to be wary of descriptions like this of meeting “the one” - it seems already that she might be a bit too close to well marketed content that sells the dream of this experience of being a “lightning bolt from heaven”. That expectation is very appealing from romantic standpoint of lifting oneself out life’s mostly dreary mundanity…. However in my experience that/those incredibly intense first experi…
The best one I had just felt so easy when I met them. So simple, so easy. That’s the only way I can describe it :)
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#307Earlier quoted context omitted.
I’d warn the poster to be wary of descriptions like this of meeting “the one” - it seems already that she might be a bit too close to well marketed content that sells the dream of this experience of being a “lightning bolt from heaven”. That expectation is very appealing from romantic standpoint of lifting oneself out life’s mostly dreary mundanity…. However in my experience that/those incredibly intense first experi…
> THE SUCCESSFUL relationships I’ve had have unfailing started with a tone of calm, comfort, and unexpectedly cosy familiarity. I think you're just describing the same thing, experienced differently, because we are different people. My main point is that it's not uncommon at all to know, on some level, that what you have with a given person is very different from what you've had with others well before you're sure it…
I loved your story
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#308If you've only been doing it for two years... it may just not be long enough. I'm so sorry that's the case, but it seems to be. Also, you say a lot about yourself, but not a lot about what makes someone a "marriageable man". What are your criteria? Who are you looking for? Clearly you have a lot of people who seem like good candidates, so what rules them out? My own anecdata is that it took me about three years of se…
What leads you to believe it’s possible for the “vast majority”? Isn’t it far more likely that this sort of spark is relatively rare?
Great question!!!!
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#309Earlier quoted context omitted.
Lower your standards dramatically, like most men do. But at some point, you need to accept some responsibility for why you don't have kids. A woman can literally go and attempt a pregnancy on any given day of the week. Note that having kids is not the same as finding a man who wants to start a family with a 41-year old woman. That's just the reality of it.
I “need to accept responsibility for not having kids”? How am I not accepting responsibility for not having kids?
I think what they are trying to say is that getting pregnant is easy. You could do it if you want to. It’s the finding a mate first that is making it difficult.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#310If you have not, I suggest reading Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You might also consider the associated "Dale Carnegie Course." The book is a perennial favorite. I return to it before big work events, job interviews, or as I feel my interpersonal skills shift from my desired norm. The course was instrumental in setting those norms by encouraging a deep interest in individuals and im…
Wow, so wonderful ! My mentor and startup investor told me to read this years ago so it’s about time I read it!
Great book list coming from this conversation !