Quoted post unavailable.
Whilst cruely phrased, OP has admitted they didn't have a father figure in another comment. Why did you guess this?
Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
161–170 of 741 posts
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#162I am a man who dated many women casually via online dating, until I decided to settle down (wrote about this here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31021578 ), so I think I can bring a somewhat relevant perspective. Based on my experience, dating is absolutely a market driven by a typical economy of supply and demand, and the supply of "good enough" men who want to settle down with a woman is virtually unlimited…
120 isn't that many, it took me around that many FaceTimes and about 35-40 in-person dates before I found the love of my life during the pandemic.
Some people are way too picky, it's impossible to know if that's the case here or not, we don't have enough information.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#163That's 60 dates a year. You're talking to the next guys before you ever give anyone a chance.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#164[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#165Given the little time you have left, i'd recommend going with that friend that's been secretely in love with you, but you've only ever considered a friend. My guess is that you've built yourself a modern romantic image of what a couple should be (aka : two maddly in love young beautiful people having crazy passionate sex every night) instead of the traditional one (two grown ups trying to build a family against the c…
As a guy, on average you're actually getting more attractive as you age. For women, it works the opposite, which can understandably be very difficult for former hotties.
The tables flip around 35-40 years old.
Regardless, I wish you all the best and hope you find someone as awesome as I'm certain you are!
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#166Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not sure it’s a good idea to post your personal coordinates on a public forum on a dating thread even in this “obfuscated” format. You’ll probably get some unwelcome attention or at least get spambot subscribed to “newsletters” and “offers” by random web scrapers.
At the very least op should ask whoever sends her an email to confirm that they are user “mtklein” by updating his hn profile about section with a random, unique, string she generates or something. Just to be sure they are the right person. Also rip her inbox.
I would of course be happy to do something like this. Safety first, absolutely.
Also, um, can we maybe be cool here folks? This is just two people meeting for the first time in a funny way. I understand what you might read into this, but please, let's not?
Incidentally I think it'd be kind of fun to be catfished for all my HN carma (karma?). Is that the number next to my login? I still have no idea what that means or does after all these years.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#167One of my ex-girlfriends had a list of twenty things she required in a mate. I met 19 of them. She left. I met an amazing woman a couple of years later (at 43). We’re married and have an amazing 13 yo daughter. My ex is still single. Maybe examine your standards. And I do mean this in a constructive way, by way of perhaps helping to troubleshoot. The way you describe your experience above, you present as high-expecta…
Checklist-driven dating.
Re-examining standards and re-evaluating whether every box needs to be ticked is a hugely important next step. I thought at one point that I'd met someone who "checks" all my boxes only to learn that we had some fundamental incompatibilities that kept the relationship from being fruitful for the both of us (in a metaphorical sense).
And honestly, if I encountered a partner who's methodically researched dating with the goal of having kids ASAP, I'd be terrified of getting baby-trapped. The desperation is a colossal turn-off.
Also, since crowdsourcing is up her alley, crowdsourcing relationship errors might not be a bad idea when it comes to OP figuring out where she's going wrong.
---
Then again, I run Relationship Advice on Reddit. Mild bias on my part.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#168In my experience, stop looking and it'll find you. I met my wife on the beach, basically randomly. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, we just enjoyed talking to each other so much. Our "first date" was to a hiking meetup, where we ditched everyone and broke into a park after-hours, explored shit, and at some point, kissed, while hiding from the park rangers. But seriously, just stop looking.
This is not a good advice. You got lucky despite not looking - recognise that. A slightly better version is "make sure you're open to opportunities outside of explicit dating context".
All my best/favorite relationships came when explicitly not looking for anything. If it sounds counter-intuitive, it really is. Kinda like turning right on a motorcycle to go left. There’s no harm in trying it for a couple of months, in the worst case, you don’t meet anyone.
But “bad advice?” That’s pushing it.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#169Look into Arranged Marriage ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage_in_the_India... ). Instead of dating sites, explore "matrimonial" sites like https://www.jeevansathi.com/ , https://shaadi.com , https://www.simplymarry.com etc. as only people intent on serious relationship / marriage post on such sites.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#170In my experience, stop looking and it'll find you. I met my wife on the beach, basically randomly. Neither of us wanted a relationship at the time, we just enjoyed talking to each other so much. Our "first date" was to a hiking meetup, where we ditched everyone and broke into a park after-hours, explored shit, and at some point, kissed, while hiding from the park rangers. But seriously, just stop looking.
I get the point, but maybe that looking desperate puts people off, so being more relaxed could help. I recall being dismay that when single no one showed interest, while in a relationship women seems to ask me out (still rarely, but not 0)... Long story short I think the message is don't be too intense, but be honest you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup.
Haha, that’s another bit of advice: put a wedding ring on. I would hardly ever get hit on until I put my wedding ring on. Then it was like they came out of the woodwork every weekend I went out. No idea if any of those would ever manifest an actual relationship, but could be worth trying.