Dating is game theory, both people try to get someone better than themselves. Naturally it's impossible to find equilibrium. Unfortunately Satoshi Nakamoto did not find a solution to this problem
Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
61–70 of 741 posts
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#62Best thing I can say is be assertive in making things happen. Make the first move, first contact. Opportunities pass by if you sit around waiting for it to happen. For guys this is natural as we are expected to take the initiative since teenage years.
Yeah . I think I’m going to start asking more men out on the wild. I’m afraid of rejection, but literally I have nothing to lose at this stage.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#63I hope this isn't too blunt but worth confronting if it's part of the trouble. Have you been very promiscuous during those previous 3 decades? For some men, that makes you a great choice for a girlfriend but a no for a wife. There's cultural shaming of men for having this preference so you might not hear it openly expressed a lot but it does exist and influence their decisions.
In case it doesn't work out like you hope, marriage can be a disaster for a lot of people, especially if you get into it out of desperation and tolerate minor ongoing disrespect or abuse, hoping it'll go away, then you can't get out because being single and even older seems worse than the little bit of human contact your spouse provides, and concern for your kids of course.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#64I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry for the quality of this reply section.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#65Have you ever been in a relationship before this past 2y? I'm just curious. (My username is confusing but I'm a woman)
I was in one LTR. We were so in love and he already had a kid from a previous marriage who I adored. But he decided he didn’t want another one with me. So I ended it. I feared I would end up resenting him if I gave up my dream of kids
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#66Enjoy.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#67> By most cultural standards, according to my male friends, I’m smart, beautiful, fit, kind, emotionally mature and doing meaningful work in the world. Not too needy and not a workaholic.
Sometimes it's difficult to get an honest opinion from friends. There might be some turn off. It could be even something positive, there is AFAIK a phenomenon of men being intimidated by successful women.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#68Might I ask what happened over these 120 dates. Is there none of them you find attractive or see a path to a meaningful connection with in time?
I found about 1 in ten attractive and then they ghosted me after a few dates
Were these blind dates or did you do some pre-screening? Because "1 in 10 dates" being attractive after pre-screen would seem a bit too picky.
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#69I hope this isn't too blunt but worth confronting if it's part of the trouble. Have you been very promiscuous during those previous 3 decades? For some men, that makes you a great choice for a girlfriend but a no for a wife. There's cultural shaming of men for having this preference so you might not hear it openly expressed a lot but it does exist and influence their decisions. In case it doesn't work out like you ho…
No I’ve been very selective, not promiscuous and usually go on coffee dates for the first date
Re: Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
#70Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don't like the fellas you went out with? 0 for 120? Surely at least a few of them liked you. How many 2nd and 3rd dates did you have?
Almost all of them asked me out again, but there were really compelling reasons it wasn’t a fit. The ones I did go out with again and I really tried to stretch myself, usually ended up ghosting me. I think they were playing the field.
What are some of those reasons? To many here, it sounds like you're being too picky.