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Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

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Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#181

Post by poulsbohemian »

wussboy wrote: post #159
poulsbohemian wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We probably agree more than we disagree, but I'll just add my own daughters as data points. When they stayed home during covid, the oldest (not a good student) did better academically with the lack of peer / social pressures. My youngest (an exceptional student) did better academically too, which has since allowed her to jump way ahead in her studies and finally be recognized by teachers as an academic prodigy, where…

I think you're confused as to the point of school. We often believe the point of school is the academics, but I would argue it's the social. Studies indicate social skills are more important to future success than academics. A hurriedly-googled link: https://www.tcscholars.org/social-success/ And I would also argue you need excellent social skills to reach your potential academically. So, yes, your kids did better ac…

>I think you're confused as to the point of school

Actually, I think we're both wrong. During the time in my local PTA what stood out to me was the amount of time and money we spent on providing basic social services to kids - think providing meals, clothes, filtering for home and family problems etc. I would argue that in modern America, public schools are there to provide day care for working parents and to provide a modicum of social services, with education being an overarching hope and dream.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#182

Post by anon291 »

ComradePhil wrote: post #121
ElijahLynn wrote: post #108

Social needs. Children need to learn how to be in relationship with others, it is the most fundamental need we have and is so important for the future of our planet. If I were to homeschool, it isn't about the learning, that is easy, it is about providing an environment where children can learn to co-exist with others. That can still be done with homeschool, but it will need to be intentional with daily activities th…

They need to learn how to be in relation to people who know and care about them, not other random kids (some of whom will be abused at home and hence abusive at school) and the teachers, some of whom will be extremely incompetent, emotionally abusive, pedophiles or all of that. There's absolutely no way sending a kid to school is better for their social life in any way.

100% agree. I am in touch with exactly 1 (yes 1) friend from elementary / middle school. If I stretch, I can say that there are 3 that I would actually want to talk to beyond this guy.

I am a silicon valley executive making mid six figures. They're ... not, and not because they didn't have the same opportunities. Because of terrible life choices that I could easily have made myself, but, by the grace of God, did not. Amongst my classmates there's premarital pregnancies, domestic violence, lots of unemployment, prison time, etc.

The same is true of my brother and sister-in-law. She comes from an extremely poor family, but managed to make something of herself by going into accounting. Yet, her family is filled with pre-marital pregnancy, deadbeat men, and even some violence. This stuff also existed in her schools. She managed to escape by keeping her head down and avoiding trouble.

Honestly, any of us could have ended up in this 'socialized' group, but didn't. That was because we resisted peer pressure. All of us were extremely awkward kids. You'd consider us poorly socialized. Yet, we've 'made it', and the popular kids didn't.

Of course, then I think of my now-wife, who grew up in much more privilege than we did. Her parents were highly educated (post-graduate) and were extremely deliberate in her schooling, her peer group, etc. While not technically homeschooling, my mother in law carefully crafted my wife's friend group and even took her out of classes if she didn't like the kids or thought the teacher was bad. She didn't have to put up with half the crap my brother, myself, or my sister-in-law had to put up with.

I'm choosing the latter method for our kids, even if that means homeschooling them and using the public schools as a backup.

EDIT: since I've seen religion come up here. My mother-in-law was and is a staunch atheist. My parents and sister-in-laws family are devoutly religious. Not all homeschoolers are religious. While I am religious, that is not the reason we are considering home schooling our daughters

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#183

Post by concinds »

bobthepanda wrote: post #153
concinds wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While more self-awareness and self-knowledge is always better, I think the main test for this should be "Ainsworth's Strange Situation". It's a test of your child's attachment style is; which is a good reflection of the child's (and your) emotional health. For homeschoolers, it's probably a good idea to check if your child displays secure attachment first (since insecure attachment in the child is generally caused by…

Do we have enough psychologists in the US to systematically test all children? And does insurance cover it?

No you don't; but it would be a worthwhile investment due to the incredibly positive repercussions. See this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory#Crime

See also a link between insecure attachment and addiction: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2019.0072...

This policy would have incredibly positive repercussions throughout society; in that sense, it would be very cheap.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#184

Post by poulsbohemian »

duckmysick wrote: post #166
poulsbohemian wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Now do this for the influence of the state's pathologies on public schoolkids. Such as?

Zero-tolerance policies could be one example.

What's a "zero-tolerance" policy? I've only ever heard this term used in the context of guns on school campuses. Does it have some other meaning?

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#185

Post by anon291 »

My wife and I were thinking of homeschooling. Socializing kept us back.

Then we joined a church with an active homeschooling group. The kids meet up multiple times a week, with and without parents. They even take classes together (parents hire tutors for a group of kids, or one parent takes a group of kids for a class).

This has alleviated our fears. I think our daughter will get more socializing here and not just in the classroom. The group regularly (>1 / month) takes field trips, goes on outings, and we're even going camping with them this summer.

So anything you can do to replicate that... would be great

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#186

Post by anon291 »

jpgvm wrote: post #163

Nothing. If I have children and they are like me (i.e on the spectrum) then I will homeschool them. School was by far the worst time of my life and also contributed the least to my success. I succeeded in spite of traditional schooling, mostly due to the great nature of my parents (who unfortunately just didn't have the capacity or economical means to homeschool me.) Enduring my schooling years didn't make me stronge…

Same. My parents both worked, but they were so shocked by how little we learned in schools that they'd spend the evenings tutoring my brother and I, such that, by the time we learned anything in school, we had already learned it. Ultimately, we were homeschooled, and school was daycare.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#187

Post by anon291 »

kennywinker wrote: post #61
actfrench wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that in general parents concentrating brainpower on their kids would be a good thing ! And there are few things more enriching for your child (and their school or homeschool community) then getting involved in their education. A lot of research supports that parent involvement in education makes a bigger impact in a child’s education and the health of their school then any other factor. https://www.modulo.app…

> And there are few things more enriching for your child then getting involved in their education That’s a pleasing statement that seems true, but ignores the millions of ways that parents can be a bad influence. Over pressuring, taking away agency, just being bad study partners, biasing data as it arrives, etc etc etc. Everyone wants to believe they will be a good parent. But everyone will fuck it up in some way. On…

Meh... teachers can do all those things as well.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#188

Post by anon291 »

poulsbohemian wrote: post #184
duckmysick wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Zero-tolerance policies could be one example.

What's a "zero-tolerance" policy? I've only ever heard this term used in the context of guns on school campuses. Does it have some other meaning?

Suppose you are a kid who's getting bullied by a larger kid. Every day the kid takes your stuff and messes with it or something. You (maybe) complain to the teacher, but really you're scared that if the teacher leaks that you complained, the kid will beat you.

So eventually you grow tired of it, you've worked out a bit, and now you beat the kid up. Now... you get suspended/expelled, instead of the bully. That's a zero-tolerance policy.

My wife's cousin was suspended for a few weeks for standing up to her bully. My in-laws and her family decided to reward her and she got two weeks of a fun family vacation. But the school was trying to punish her, and if her parents and grandparents weren't more sensible, perhaps they would have succeeded.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#189

Post by scifibestfi »

ElijahLynn wrote: post #108

Social needs. Children need to learn how to be in relationship with others, it is the most fundamental need we have and is so important for the future of our planet. If I were to homeschool, it isn't about the learning, that is easy, it is about providing an environment where children can learn to co-exist with others. That can still be done with homeschool, but it will need to be intentional with daily activities th…

I went to public school and would argue it's a terrible place to be socialized. You are socialized by kids your age in an environment that's more akin to prison than the real world.

Re: Ask HN: If you’ve considered homeschooling, what’s stopping you?

#190

Post by anon291 »

wyager wrote: post #175
idle_zealot wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> taught me to honor my parents, taught me the value of tradition, morality, spirituality Those do not sound positive at all. It sounds like you were successfully sheltered from secular and liberal ideas by traditional and conservative parents, which matches with my preconceptions of homeschooling.

> It sounds like you were successfully sheltered from secular and liberal ideas If your utility function is "optimize for the life outcomes of my children", experimental evidence suggests this is a good thing. If your utility function is "optimize for outcomes that are in accord with my state-secular religious beliefs at the expense of my child's life outcomes", it's not.

One can say the same thing about public and private schooled kids -- sheltered from traditional and conservative ideas.
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