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A picture of me

caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev

171–180 of 186 posts

Re: A picture of me

#171

Why are all you people talking about this? A man puts an anonymous blog out there with no way to be contacted. He wants to talk AT us. He doesn't want communication. I came here curious about what people could possibly be commenting on. It's like you are all peering into a petri dish. This is a man's life. He's probably very depressed. The whole situation is just sad.

> with no way to be contacted

I found this strange. I would have probably left an email somewhere (perhaps an ad-hoc one, not my usual one), just in case someone wanted to reach out. I would then decide whether to ignore the messages or not.

Re: A picture of me

#172
post #39

I sympathize with the author. I'm in my mid-forties now and have recognized that I haven't been great at maintaining friendships. I think I've experienced something similar during the quarantining portion of the pandemic, where I didn't really interact with anyone directly, at least not in person. I had a job, so did interact with people over Zoom, and I will admit that that helped. A few months ago, however, I quit…

> So, I say to this poster, it's true that things like idle chitchat may not be your cup of tea, I think it's important to realize that many people don't enjoy it either but just use it as a social grease to move into more deep conversation or connection. it took me probably 7 years after moving out of my parent’s place to learn that “smalltalk” and “idle chitchat” are not necessarily the same thing. the “aha!” momen…

the race to find a good question :) Nice framing

Re: A picture of me

#173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> and some respond to treatment > much if at all Same same. I’ve spoken to more doctors in the past 5 months than I can count on my hands. The conclusion from all of them is that this is biological depression caused by the pregnancy which medicine most likely won’t help, which is also hindered by the fact she’s pregnant and that limits the available treatment. And this is different to, and quote “neurological” depres…

> Same same. No, it's not even close to the same. Plenty of depressions of all sorts are even curable and many others are treatable. One has to look into exactly what they have to determine what to do. What you were saying is super fucking dangerous man. The doctors don't think that your wife's antenatal depression will respond to medication. That's all you know. Cut the reset of the fat out before you hurt someone.…

Your account has been posting tons of flamewar comments and comments with swipes in them. This thread was particularly bad because of the way you crossed into personal attack.

Would you please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and take the intended spirit of this site more to heart? We'd appreciate it.

Re: A picture of me

#174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First, I’m 55 years old. Stop acting like I haven’t seen shit. I could’ve better worded it to say that it makes me feel inferior. I don’t believe I’m inferior and it doesn’t cause depression. The loneliness is what causes depression. And I’m not about to express my interest to sun stranger on the Internet that I don’t have a biological or physical connection with. That’s not the connection I’m looking for. And the fa…

Interesting comment exchange, both of you. The tone of your conversation seems almost enraged to me. That's why I want to get in quick. Because I don't quite understand why your positions didn't lead to a more light-hearted approach to the world. I'm in my 20s and feel a disconnect to (some, most, ?) people as well. I accepted that and called it a day. I encounter other fellow human beings as possibilities without ex…

It’s easier not to be enraged when you’re 20. It’s also easy to not be enraged if you’re not homeless living with a mental illness and treated like garbage every day. You know, it’s quite a natural reaction. Like a bear protecting its cubs. The moment you are suffering to such an extent and people ignore you and treat you like garbage and tell you what your experience actually is, you’ll understand why people get enraged.

There is a myth about the noble suffering saint. That people who are suffering are supposed to just be quiet and gentle and not mention it and not disturb everyone else’s non-suffering life. But you know what? That’s bullshit. Do you know Jesus kicked over the bankers tables in the temple? No one asked him why he was angry.

So you’re saying what I’m supposed to take from this experience that I have had, which I’m sure is nothing like your father’s, is when this person comes along and tells me that I think I’m better than them when I’m homeless with a mental illness I can’t help but to be extremely frustrated. And I hope my anger communicates more than only my words can get across.

And on top of trying to cure my mental illness by learning genetics and nutritional biology, I’m also supposed to kowtow to everyone that doesn’t take a moment to understand my situation.

You see in this positivity movement people see anger at something negative, but it’s not negative or positive, it’s just a way to communicate More than what words can carry. I know you don’t like to hear angry people, no one likes to hear angry people. But how do you make angry people not angry? By telling them to be more humble? Or do you do it by trying to understand their anger?

I worked as a cashier and a grocery store for quite a few years. You meet a lot of angry people coming through the lines. Would it help them if I told them they shouldn’t be angry and they should be more humble? No, what helped was asking them how they were doing and what was going on. If there was any way I could help them. But you see no one else helping me. I’m saying this again because it’s important. I’m homeless living with a mental illness. And someone comes along and says my neurological divergence is something that I think is special and that I’m holding it over their heads like I’m some sort of special person.

And I didn’t accept the argument, I responded to a comment. That’s how discussion works. I know a lot of people when confronted with negative emotions like to hide from them. “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.“ But what I found out what happens when you do that is people step over you while you’re laying in the street.

I do appreciate you asking this question, but I have some advice for you. You’re living by quotations and that’s no way to live. Like “it’s not the quantity of what you’ve seen but what you took from it”. If you think about that for a moment it makes no sense because I’m expressing to you what I took from my experience but there is a rejection of it. For some reason you have the assumption that the end result is i should not show any negative emotion. I’ve been there. I was a Buddhist before I was a Taoist. Believe me, I’m much happier and healthier being a Taoist.

Here’s a tip: People who don’t want you to show negative emotions are people who want to control you. It’s gaslighting. We are nit Vulcans.

But I don’t want you to assume for a moment that I hate This person I was having a conversation with. Being angry with someone doesn’t mean you hate them, being angry with someone means you love them enough to show them your true emotions and trust that they can handle them. And that’s a free tip for a happy marriage.

Re: A picture of me

#175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You can disdain everyone and everything I can, but I am not. > and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation It is not about seriousness, it’s about my interests. > You find the good in them among the garbage I’m not saying what they like to talk about is garbage, I’m just not interested in it. You’re the one making the value judgment. I don’t think that people who talk about football are stu…

> I don’t think that people who talk about football are stupid Hah. I actually do think they are, and I've had four years of not talking to my brother because he feels insulted by my opinion of his sports obsession. There's nothing wrong with value judgments. I don't know what your interests are, because you haven't expressed them. You've only expressed disinterest. Surely, if you have interests, there are other peop…

> > I don’t think that people who talk about football are stupid

> Hah. I actually do think they are

I'm not super interested in sports. But I think there's not much value in snap judgments that discount people because they happen to like one non-harmful thing.

If sports are your number one interest, you're not likely to end up my best friend. But, otherwise...

Even being mostly disinterested in sports-- my friends and connections that feel differently bring me little treasures of interest from their domain. Perspectives. Work ethic. Improbable things that have happened. Subcultures of fans and their views. Statistical analysis. Adversarial thinking in sport. Coaching. Analogies that many people understand because of their understanding of the story in sports. Etc.

This is the benefit of having connections to people who like different things and have different perspectives. You can count on them to curate the "best" of their interests to share with and explain to you.

Re: A picture of me

#176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people forget that you have to work on relationships and then eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship and mov…

No, the concept of a soul mate is that you have a bind that transcends this life, that there this is a journey your souls decided to take together before your birth. Ups, downs, whatever, it will work in the end, because that was the mission. To teach a lesson. Maybe the lesson was how to overcome differences? Now the common modern usage of soulmate just means “person was meant for me” and that’s open to 100% of your…

> No, the concept of a soul mate is

there truly is no limit to what people on HN will argue about

Re: A picture of me

#177

> My social life dissolved over a period of years in my late thirties... This is extremely common, and if you are a middle aged man or approaching middle age, it is probably happening to you. If you are a middle-aged man, or even late 20s, it is essential that you make and maintain new friendships. It will seem awkward, but make that effort. Isolated elderly men is a worldwide social problem [1], which can lead to po…

When I was living in Italy in the late 80s and one thing I noticed was that the elderly were seamlessly sew into society. I was talking to a middle aged woman about this and she said it was because they know people are more important than money.

Re: A picture of me

#178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you mean by strategic? Like willing to be more vulnerable with others?

Like looking for certain broad points of compatibility. For example, dominant and submissive traits are very fundamental to our nature, and too big of a mismatch here will be a source of conflict (two dominants) or unfulfillment (two submissives). There's a lot of wiggle room and nuance of course, but in broad strokes some people want to make the decisions, while others want to have those decisions made for them. It'…

I find the whole dominant submissive thing misleading. I’m sexually submissive (or at least that’s what populates my fantasies) but tend to be more dominant in real life. Then: women tend to manage day to day life with me and “tell me what to do” (this occasionally crosses some wires in my head too) but I’m the one to take bolder decisions (initiatives, but my partners tend to follow my lead) like moving houses/cities, making large purchases, having children.

My dad (from an older, perhaps more misogynistic generation) always said he and mom had an equal relationship but he was Captain of the ship. This has been the rule in my life: in crises, when taking bold steps forward, when taking risks, make-or-break decisions, I’m the Captain. Even if I often tried (before kids) to have women with my play the domination game outside the bedroom too.

I’m an existential dominant, I guess.

Re: A picture of me

#179

God bless you Casper, rest 100% assured that you're not unique in your sentiment about the woeful state of modern society. Righteousness shall stand, my friend.

And no, this does not imply any "conspiracy theory belief, advocating of violence or racism, or following of any dogma" from my side.

Re: A picture of me

#180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what’s best for you. I’m wondering though if you’ve tried the non-pharmaceutical options already? Daily exercise, time outside, eating healthy, limiting screen time, sleeping well, and all that. A lot of studies have found doing these things to be at least as effective as SSRIs. They can create hormonal and neurochemical changes that are just as strong. Check out some of Andrew Huberman’s podcasts for more o…

There's a point where you're so broken that it's really not reasonable to build those again. For reference, I got into this position by doing a 30 week natural bodybuilding prep. I've done a variety of extreme physical feats including watercutting 16lbs over a day and all the others that come with wrestling too. All of these demand extreme willpower and discipline to the point of being considered indoctrination. If I…

Makes sense. Sounds like you’ve thought it through and tried the other options. I hope the meds help.
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