Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

A picture of me

caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

141–150 of 186 posts

Re: A picture of me

#141

Post by FollowingTheDao »

noduerme wrote: post #8

>> I cannot take seriously all these fleeting pastimes and bucket lists and ultra-specific cultural critiques when the world is a horrible place that is going to implode soon if we don't do something about it. This seems to preemptively foreclose interest in any kind of initial conversation or meeting anyone where they are . And does so because there's something more important. Everything everyone does is a waste of…

> This seems to preemptively foreclose interest in any kind of initial conversation or meeting anyone where they are.

Everyone wants us to meet people where they are, yet no one wants to meet people where we are.

You see, if you do not understand what we are going through, you can not meet us where we are. It is hard, maybe impossible, for you to meet us where we are, harder than it is for us to meet you where you are.

I would no doubt be able to talk with this man and we would know where we both are.

I volunteer, but that does not do anything. Yeah, it helps others, but it does not help others meet me where I am.

It is like you are telling Aurê that he has to meet everyone where they are.

(If you think I am being condescending writing this then that proves you cannot meet where I am.)

Re: A picture of me

#142

Post by FollowingTheDao »

eloisius wrote: post #119
noduerme wrote: post #8

>> I cannot take seriously all these fleeting pastimes and bucket lists and ultra-specific cultural critiques when the world is a horrible place that is going to implode soon if we don't do something about it. This seems to preemptively foreclose interest in any kind of initial conversation or meeting anyone where they are . And does so because there's something more important. Everything everyone does is a waste of…

I agree, and I'm surprised to see so much positive feedback in the comments here. Being disinterested in 99.9% of what other people care about isn't special or interesting. It's just refusing to meet people where they are. If someone is too special for you to connect with, I guarantee that ascending to the lofty heights that they think they inhabit to engage with them will not be worth it. Even if they could articula…

> Being disinterested in 99.9% of what other people care about isn't special or interesting.

The fact that you think this tells me that you cannot meet me where I am.

> People who genuinely inhabit interesting or rare positions or have special life experiences still love to share their story with other people.

Appeal to purity.

>It's best not to play. If they get lonely enough, they'll do something about it.

Yes, it has led to at least one of my attempted suicides.

Re: A picture of me

#144

Post by yojo »

brundolf wrote: post #7

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that. You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually…

Of note: bootstrapping is (potentially) hackable between two willing parties. At least per Aron’s study[1]. Who knows if it would replicate.

At least in my own relationships I have seen the pattern of escalating personal self-disclosure leading to deeper and more meaningful bonds.

Honestly I think this is why alcohol plays a role in so many early friendships - the disinhibiting effects make it easier to admit personal details to people you don’t already fully trust.

Doesn’t mean you need to get tipsy to make friends, but you’ll need to find other ways to open up.

1. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/014616729723400...

Re: A picture of me

#145

Post by every »

dkersten wrote: post #42
uniqueuid wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The same goes for spouses, by the way. You don't have a happy marriage/partnership because you met the person of your dreams and then both accidentally stay the same person forever. Happy marriages exist because people continuously and mutually change each other in a positive way.

This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people forget that you have to work on relationships and then eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship and mov…

We have been together for over four decades and are cautiously optimistic it might work out...

Re: A picture of me

#146

Post by rufius »

I’m not a therapist, but OP sounds depressed (as in clinically). Might be worth talking to a therapist or psych.

I feel for them. I don’t fully understand, but I do feel for them.

Re: A picture of me

#147

Post by noduerme »

FollowingTheDao wrote: post #142
eloisius wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree, and I'm surprised to see so much positive feedback in the comments here. Being disinterested in 99.9% of what other people care about isn't special or interesting. It's just refusing to meet people where they are. If someone is too special for you to connect with, I guarantee that ascending to the lofty heights that they think they inhabit to engage with them will not be worth it. Even if they could articula…

> Being disinterested in 99.9% of what other people care about isn't special or interesting. The fact that you think this tells me that you cannot meet me where I am. > People who genuinely inhabit interesting or rare positions or have special life experiences still love to share their story with other people. Appeal to purity. >It's best not to play. If they get lonely enough, they'll do something about it. Yes, it…

Come on. You can disdain everyone and everything, and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation, and where does that get you? To a world where you believe no one is as smart as you and no one can possibly relate to what you're going through? Have you stopped to consider that all the human beings on this board, and even those around you on the street, have inner lives and complicated thoughts and sometimes when they talk "surface level" they're just trying to establish communication so they might be able to talk more seriously once they get to know you?

People are a jewel box. You find the good in them among the garbage, and almost every person has something you can absorb from them, even the negative ones. This is called being a member of your species. Like it or not, you are one. Look around and instead of feeling superior, appreciate the fact that every other human here has trodden upon the same lonely paths that you have.

Re: A picture of me

#148

Post by azemetre »

kstenerud wrote: post #108
brundolf wrote: post #7

Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with people because of who they are; you don't often find people you magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning. You can't hold out for that. You love and connect with people because... you love and connect with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will usually…

That has not been my experience at all. Of the many relationships I've had in my life (romantic, platonic, family, etc), I can count on one hand the number that became deep and meaningful. Yes, deep relationships take time to develop. But there needs to be a lot more than simply time spent together; you need to be compatible as well. But when you DO develop these deep and meaningful relationships, it's the best thing…

What do you mean by strategic? Like willing to be more vulnerable with others?

Re: A picture of me

#149

Post by FollowingTheDao »

noduerme wrote: post #147
FollowingTheDao wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being disinterested in 99.9% of what other people care about isn't special or interesting. The fact that you think this tells me that you cannot meet me where I am. > People who genuinely inhabit interesting or rare positions or have special life experiences still love to share their story with other people. Appeal to purity. >It's best not to play. If they get lonely enough, they'll do something about it. Yes, it…

Come on. You can disdain everyone and everything, and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation, and where does that get you? To a world where you believe no one is as smart as you and no one can possibly relate to what you're going through? Have you stopped to consider that all the human beings on this board, and even those around you on the street, have inner lives and complicated thoughts an…

> You can disdain everyone and everything

I can, but I am not.

> and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation

It is not about seriousness, it’s about my interests.

> You find the good in them among the garbage

I’m not saying what they like to talk about is garbage, I’m just not interested in it. You’re the one making the value judgment. I don’t think that people who talk about football are stupid or disinteresting or lowbrow, I’m just not interested in it.

> Look around and instead of feeling superior,

I do not feel superior, I feel inferior. You see, you cannot come to my level. I’m not saying it is higher or lower, maybe just different. Not better, different.

Re: A picture of me

#150

Post by noduerme »

FollowingTheDao wrote: post #149
noduerme wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Come on. You can disdain everyone and everything, and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation, and where does that get you? To a world where you believe no one is as smart as you and no one can possibly relate to what you're going through? Have you stopped to consider that all the human beings on this board, and even those around you on the street, have inner lives and complicated thoughts an…

> You can disdain everyone and everything I can, but I am not. > and claim that people are incapable of having a serious conversation It is not about seriousness, it’s about my interests. > You find the good in them among the garbage I’m not saying what they like to talk about is garbage, I’m just not interested in it. You’re the one making the value judgment. I don’t think that people who talk about football are stu…

> I don’t think that people who talk about football are stupid

Hah. I actually do think they are, and I've had four years of not talking to my brother because he feels insulted by my opinion of his sports obsession.

There's nothing wrong with value judgments.

I don't know what your interests are, because you haven't expressed them. You've only expressed disinterest. Surely, if you have interests, there are other people with more knowledge in the area than you have, who you could learn something from. You can't possibly be the most knowledgeable person in everything you're interested in.

Nor is anyone with your same interests likely to be a saint, or even worth spending time with in other capacities; but you may find you have something more in common with them than just your mutual interest if you care to look.

> I do not feel superior, I feel inferior.

You're not inferior. You might be self-loathing. That's ok. Everyone worth anything has been at one point. The only people not worth shit are the ones who never felt inferior.

Post reply on HN