Sex is going out of fashion? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#501

Post by brewdad » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:31 PM UTC

eropple wrote: post #451

csee wrote: post #398

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You give good advice but I was commenting on the well documented asymmetry and inequality in outcomes that cut across gender lines which are likely magnified by these dating apps. It's not bitterness to point out objective facts that are highly relevant to the topic of conversation. "Improve yourself" is always the healthiest mindset on a personal level but that's not exactly deep analysis on the impact that these ap…

I dunno, from where I stand what you are defining as the problems of "lower ranked men" are symptoms of living in a late-capitalist society problems. It's not the app's fault that people respond to incentives; the way out, if "out" is to be defined as to find people who want to interact with you, to "not settle" or whatever, is to improve oneself. It can both suck and be the only option. Fortunately, it's a lot easie…

You can be the most interesting person in the world but that's cold comfort in a world of dating apps if you aren't physically "attractive".

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#502

Post by dfxm12 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:31 PM UTC

natly wrote: post #27

The comments in this thread and this article is making me want to read HN less. (What a crazy incorrect take for most of the population.)

The fact that commenters are just taking the author at their word is something else that makes me want to read HN less.

There's one claim about the amount of sex people may or may not be having, GRANDPAS HAD MORE ACTION IN THEIR TIME, but it is totally unqualified in any real way. Today's Grandpas could have been born in the 80s-90s... What time are we actually talking about?

The next sentence talks about boomers having more kids, and the next sentence assumes they only had marital sex. If that's the only evidence given for having sex, then this is nothing more than a thinly veiled think piece from the religious right (and the subsequent casual racism doesn't help), and I fail to see how that meets any of HN's standards, either.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#503

Post by wonderwonder » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:31 PM UTC

weatherlite wrote: post #421

wonderwonder wrote: post #395

Wonder if this is related to the lack of personal relationships in general, especially friendships. There is an epidemic of loneliness in the world. So many ways to communicate and all we can do is post memes and upvote influencers. I am happily married but have zero friends. I met my wife through my friend group in college. If I heaven forbid got a divorce tomorrow, not sure where I would meet someone new. Guess I w…

> I am happily married but have zero friends Are you sure this is entirely the modern lifestyle's fault? When I look deeply into my past I realize I messed up high school and college a bit socially (for various reasons) and that's the time most people acquire their best friends. I have 1-2 good friends but I'm pretty sure it's on me its not more than that. Perhaps you went through something similar? The real annoying…

Its probably my fault. Once I had kids I completely lost the ability to manage them and a social life. I felt bad just leaving my wife to go hang out with friends and then as they got older I have replaced IRL friends with doom scrolling. Definitely a mental thing I need to fix. I did delete twitter the other day so that's one small step :)

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#504

Post by tomp » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:32 PM UTC

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #475

tomp wrote: post #455

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, not entirely. I moved to be able to have a family (more child-friendly & car-friendly environment) and found a better job. But then I realize I'm extremely privileged as a programmer and that most people don't have that choice (and even for me, the choices are limited, NYC > London > Zürich > Ljubljana with each step at least 2x difference in compensation)

>Ljubljana Can I ask what Ljubljana is doing on that list? Every Slovene dev I met was driving 2h/day to work in Austria at a 50k/year job, so the local market must be really depressing if that's what they're willing to go through.

It’s where I’m from originally.

Low salary and miserably low bonuses aren’t the only issues; others are high taxes and poor healthcare (no private insurance).

Though from a local perspective even a “modest” salary of 2500€/month net enables an average quality of life, which is actually very high compared to other European countries (provided you own property, which many people do).

So, tradeoffs.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#505

Post by collegeburner » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:34 PM UTC

deckard1 wrote: post #482

idealmedtech wrote: post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see this explanation of the grind of online dating a lot, and I think it misses a more fundamental point: people fundamentally are pretty terrible at talking to strangers. Without conversational skills, a vast majority of online dating conversations simply fizzle out; often times simply due to disinterest, but I think almost always due to a lack of ability to hold a conversation and be both interesting and interest…

> if you just know how to talk to people and learn about them! dating is a two way street. If the other party just gives one line answers and does nothing to try to move a conversation forward, then it just becomes a job interview. You can't just magically get someone to open up when they refuse. It doesn't help that, at least from a guy's perspective, it seems about 80% of women are really just trying to get instagr…

> 80% of women are really just trying to get instagram followers.

These days they aren't even trying for of subscribers or ig followers, they just straight up put their cashapp in their bio. I have friends who have done that and made 100s of $ before their accounts got banned. And some didn't even get banned.

It's also true that a lot of people are on there but not realy to date. Like just to get compliments/validation. Not all girls either, just guys it doesn't work as well. Instead, a lot of us are on there just to look at/rate girls. At parties these days you will sometimes see a group of guys looking around somebody's phone "rating" girls on tinder.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#506

Post by jimt1234 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:35 PM UTC

chrismarlow9 wrote: post #135

bko wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Entertainment has entered a tyranny of choice. I see it personally. I can watch nearly every show and movie that was ever created but I still flip through Netflix and RT endlessly, often times choosing not to watch anything. When I was younger I would just watch Seinfeld re-runs, with commercials and all. Am I more "entertained" today than I was when I was growing up? I'm not convinced. The weirdest thing is I don't…

Podcasts changed the game for me on this. Now there are entire days where I never turn the TV on. A bonus is that I can get basic chores done while listening or workout. It really freed me from the couch potato routine. A bonus is that many of them are educational and released weekly, so "binge" isn't really an option. There are certainly "junk food" podcasts that I listen to but the ratio of informative to junk comp…

Thanks for the list of podcasts. I will check these out. And yeah, I've generally steered away from podcasts because of all the garbage. Also, I tried listening to podcasts while I run on the weekends, thinking it would be a good use of time for about 2 hours. Not so. My brain completely shuts down when I run; it's difficult to stay engaged in anything, so listening to a podcast felt like extra effort.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#507

Post by handsaway » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:35 PM UTC

Glad to see the HN crowd is as normal as ever when it comes to sex and relationships.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#508

Post by TwoHeadedBeast » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:35 PM UTC

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #13

usrn wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's because people in their 20s are living with their parents and don't want to have sex in the park. When I was younger I wanted it badly enough that I did stupid things like that but I can understand why people like me are in a tiny minority.

That, and most are still holding people in their 20s to the same standards as generations able to start a family with the credentials of Homer Simpson.

Is that the same Homer Simpson who has a highly skilled job in the nuclear industry, earning well above the median.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#509

Post by weatherlite » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:37 PM UTC

wonderwonder wrote: post #503

weatherlite wrote: post #421

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I am happily married but have zero friends Are you sure this is entirely the modern lifestyle's fault? When I look deeply into my past I realize I messed up high school and college a bit socially (for various reasons) and that's the time most people acquire their best friends. I have 1-2 good friends but I'm pretty sure it's on me its not more than that. Perhaps you went through something similar? The real annoying…

Its probably my fault. Once I had kids I completely lost the ability to manage them and a social life. I felt bad just leaving my wife to go hang out with friends and then as they got older I have replaced IRL friends with doom scrolling. Definitely a mental thing I need to fix. I did delete twitter the other day so that's one small step :)

Deleting Twitter is amazing. I am contentmplating moving to a dumb phone. Extreme I know.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#510

Post by throwaway34135 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:37 PM UTC

throwaway515 wrote: post #432

idealmedtech wrote: post #369

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's definitely true! It's so much easier to date in person from a logistical standpoint, and I think your comment also hints at what I think is kind of a paradox: in today's social spaces, being a kind and conscientious individual often means giving strangers their space, especially in places that used to be centers of socialization; gyms, coffee shops, parks etc. But by doing this, your opportunities for organic…

> So often times people feel forced into online dating as one of the few "sanctioned" spaces where it's still considered okay to flirt with strangers. This has been the story of my life. I think there is a certain type of person - physical attractiveness is part of it, but charisma is even bigger – who can "get away with" flirting in unsanctioned spaces. It's a combination of being confident enough to break taboo, pe…

See I think there are no "unsanctioned places" except for maybe a mosque or a funeral.

I think the real unwritten rule is, don't flirt with someone unless you're reasonably confident that they'd like to be flirted with. Some people might be able to figure that out in a matter of minutes, and others might need to get to know someone over the course of weeks or months in a casual group setting to figure it out.

I am sorry to say, but I think people who believe flirting is not allowed probably have not put in the effort to be able to read social cues, don't have an aptitude for it, or never learned to flirt in a non-offputting way.