Sex is going out of fashion? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#481

Post by Minor49er » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:10 PM UTC

eropple wrote: post #365

rowanG077 wrote: post #319

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Self-improvement definitely isn't at odds with pursuing healthy relationships with the opposite sex. But from what I gathered MGTOW is(was?) simply a movement that wanted to improve their lives by being comfortable without being in a relationship for various reasons. I never got a misogynistic vibe from them. But it's literally years ago I had read about them. They could very well have gone the Incel route over time.…

That's never what the MGTOW people asserted in any serious way. From the jump it was "the world is 'sexually prejudiced' against us men [or capital-M Men when they were being extra weird] and so we should separate from it entirely." It immediately leapt right into what would today be called "cope" how even if you do get married she'll just divorce you for a studly chad and take all your stuff, the fear of feminists (…

I always got the feeling that MGTOW was nonpartisan, or rather, apolitical at their core

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#482

Post by deckard1 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:11 PM UTC

idealmedtech wrote: post #308

skohan wrote: post #274

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not only entertainment suffers from a tyranny of choice, but also sex and relationships. I heard in an interview that 50 years ago, people used to basically used to fall in love with heir neighbours and coworkers. Modern dating means browsing hundreds of other people in your city like they're products on a store shelf, always with the feeling there might be someone better just a couple swipes away.

I see this explanation of the grind of online dating a lot, and I think it misses a more fundamental point: people fundamentally are pretty terrible at talking to strangers. Without conversational skills, a vast majority of online dating conversations simply fizzle out; often times simply due to disinterest, but I think almost always due to a lack of ability to hold a conversation and be both interesting and interest…

> if you just know how to talk to people and learn about them!

dating is a two way street. If the other party just gives one line answers and does nothing to try to move a conversation forward, then it just becomes a job interview. You can't just magically get someone to open up when they refuse.

It doesn't help that, at least from a guy's perspective, it seems about 80% of women are really just trying to get instagram followers.

Dating also becomes a problem once you finally meet. You will never be more interesting than the smartphone in front of the other person. That person has the entire world in their hand. You can't possibly compete with TikTok or Tinder. You go to the restroom and the other person will go swiping on Tinder.

I really do believe humanity is doomed. Like really, actually, doomed. The internet is too much for our monkey brain.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#483

Post by el-salvador » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:12 PM UTC

skohan wrote: post #274

bko wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Entertainment has entered a tyranny of choice. I see it personally. I can watch nearly every show and movie that was ever created but I still flip through Netflix and RT endlessly, often times choosing not to watch anything. When I was younger I would just watch Seinfeld re-runs, with commercials and all. Am I more "entertained" today than I was when I was growing up? I'm not convinced. The weirdest thing is I don't…

Not only entertainment suffers from a tyranny of choice, but also sex and relationships. I heard in an interview that 50 years ago, people used to basically used to fall in love with heir neighbours and coworkers. Modern dating means browsing hundreds of other people in your city like they're products on a store shelf, always with the feeling there might be someone better just a couple swipes away.

> I heard in an interview that 50 years ago, people used to basically used to fall in love with heir neighbours and coworkers.

Dating coworkers is now forbidden in many companies, especially if there are differences in hierarchy. In some countries it becomes a possible legal liability for the one in the higher position.

Some large organizations that require traveling even forbid dating the “local population” when deployed abroad.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#484

Post by [deleted] » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:13 PM UTC

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#485

Post by dialdial » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:14 PM UTC

CodeSgt wrote: post #101

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #3

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

I think that all the things you listed are definitely culprits, but I wouldn't be so quick to discount porn. Anecdotally, I myself and many otherwise healthy, sociable young men I know have pretty serious porn addictions. I really wish there would be more research done on the negative impacts of pornography, especially on young men and teens/pre-teens. I know typically any anti-porn sentiment is met with "Oh you're j…

Really glad to see someone else say this.

I’m not against porn, but believe for some (many?) people it can develop into an addiction, and/or warp their view of normal bodies, and reduce their capacity to relate / be intimate / empathetic.

For some people, I think viewing porn is mostly harmless; for others, they are not able to consume it without negative effects on themselves and their potential partners…

I’m also very progressive, sex positive; i find its hard to discuss this with friends or strangers because theres such a stigma against decrying porn. It’s difficult to discuss with nuance.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#486

Post by nnoitra » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:14 PM UTC

MisterBastahrd wrote: post #470

nnoitra wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's unfortunately a lot sadder than that. You'd be suprised at the amount of males that want to have sex but just can't get any. There is a serious case of looks inflation nowadays with Tinder etc.

I'm not surprised when you look at the quality of 20ish year old males. They expect sex to just fall in their laps without doing anything like learning to socialize or being interesting.

Speaking about sex to fall in their laps. I remember 2009 or so even sort of cute guys were having girls approach them.

Now the looks required for that have basically skyrocketed. Being kinda cute doesn't cut it nowadays. You have to be tall broad shouldered and have a decent career.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#487

Post by otikik » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:15 PM UTC

caeril wrote: post #282

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #3

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

> Back in my dad's days, Obesity was much lower and bodies were much healthier and more vigorous. Erectile dysfunction was much less common, and average serum testosterone levels were higher. I guess it's uncouth to suggest that physical acts are more enjoyable with more physically attractive and capable populations, but I don't think it's something that should be discounted.

> Erectile dysfunction was much less common

I have no doubt that self-reports of erectile dysfunction were probably less common at that time.

I will say that information about it was certainly less common, and the stigma associated to it was stronger and more prevalent.

> I guess it's uncouth to suggest that physical acts are more enjoyable with more physically attractive and capable populations

On "capable": Erectile dysfunction can be caused by low levels of testosterone, as well as sexual desire. However, sexual prowess doesn't orbit around the male penis as much as our fathers thought. That is but one dimension.

On the subject of attractiveness: I question that men with high levels of testosterone are actually more attractive to women. High testosterone has some obvious advantages (higher strength, bigger muscles, stronger sexual desire) but it also bring some things that are not so universally appraised (more body hair, less head hair, stronger body smell, mode violent behavior, less empathy). That group of traits, and the fact that we live in a more informed society, might be making high-testosterone males less attractive to women, overall.

Perhaps that is what is making the testosterone levels go down - the same thing that is making us taller: artificial selection. My (totally unverified) impression is that this is what happens in Japan. Most famous male Japanese actors tend to look "effeminate" to me, as an European. There seems to be very little "strong jaw, big muscles" amongst that group, compared to Europeans or Americans.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#488

Post by spyder » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:15 PM UTC

CoastalCoder wrote: post #49

lumost wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do wonder if the act of dating has gotten substantially less fun than it was in the past. At least if you go to a bar/concert/activity you may have fun and make plutonic friends, messaging random people on a dating site seems much more depressing.

> plutonic friends Did you mean "Platonic friends"? Although it sounds kinda nice to have Plutonic friends as well, since they'd have yachts and what not.

It's a very long distance friend who lives as far as Pluto :-)

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#489

Post by phendrenad2 » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:20 PM UTC

This is a good thing. This is largely driven by people having more options and more things to do with their time. People have an endless array of video games and netflix shows, online political debates, they can learn to play the violin from youtube videos.

This is also partly driven by the destigmatization of being single, and the acceptance of asexuality (temporary or permanent). People aren't pressured into sex if they don't want it, but it's still available if they someday do.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#490

Post by stuckinhell » Tue, Jun 21, 2022, 4:22 PM UTC

cryptica wrote: post #151

orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

Reading stuff like this makes me really glad that I married my first girlfriend. We've been married for over 10 years now. She was really out of my league. I did compromise on many things including age gap (she is older), past baggage and the fact that I have to let her win every argument and do everything she says but I'm glad because she was the opportunity of my life and I took it and I've never been so lucky sinc…

If the following is true and not hyperbole: "and the fact that I have to let her win every argument and do everything she says"

You are in an abusive relationship.