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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#331

Post by nybble41 »

SpicyLemonZest wrote: post #195
otterley wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Other than the legal and financial ramifications, it’s not significantly different than any other breakup of a relationship due to poor fit. Don’t read into it too much.

In quite a lot of cultural traditions, the point of marriage is supposed to be that it is significantly different and you won't break up due to poor fit. I don't mean this as a personal callout, I'm glad you've found happiness, but when people complain about serial monogamy creating "a loose bond" what they mean is that it makes your view of marriage seem obvious and their view of marriage seem impractical.

> In quite a lot of cultural traditions, the point of marriage is supposed to be that it is significantly different and you won't break up due to poor fit.

Which is not to say that you can't end up with a poor fit anyway. You're just compelled by social expectations (if not legal requirements) to stay together despite the poor fit, often to the detriment of everyone involved.

Sometimes people do give up too easily, and could make the marriage work if they just had a bit more incentive to try. That's where systems which grant marriage more permanence shine. But on other occasions the problems run deeper, and separation may well be the correct answer.

In any case, since people have learned that they can get most of what they want out of a relationship without actually getting married, stronger / less reversible marriages just tend to discourage people from getting married in the first place.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#332

Post by JamesSwift »

randomdata wrote: post #202
alphabettsy wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. You don’t see any issue with people who haven’t even completed high school having children?

I have heard some suggest that the high school age has biological complications related to child birth. I have no expertise to delve into that topic. Outside of those influences, in hindsight, the high school years would have been the perfect time to have children. They are virtually wasted years anyway, being old enough to be ready to start to spread your wings, but not considered old enough to do so. The time could…

> Outside of those influences, in hindsight, the high school years would have been the perfect time to have children

Umm what? Am I offbase in assuming you dont have kids? Its absolutely not a great idea to have children in high school. And I have 2 sisters who did. Without getting into too many details, I think it would have been more stable and much, _much_ easier if they didn't have children that young. Not only are you losing out on so much as a parent, but you are not even equipped to deal with the harshness of life for yourself let alone a completely helpless other person. Whats your plan as a 16/17 year old for your kid having a 105 temperature and having to go to the ER unannounced? Whats your plan to pay for daycare? Are you moving in with your partner at this point or do you play a weird game of parents being "separated" and shuttling between the houses? Do you even own a car?

It makes no sense

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#333

Post by tasuki »

bradlys wrote: post #197
pizza234 wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. If the only change that occurs to a person until the more advanced age, is only physical decline, then they're certainly "less valuable" than their younger counterpart. However, there are people (I hope most) that actually do have many other (inner) qualities…

Inner qualities don't matter with online dating. You're not choosing someone based on inner qualities with online dating or even first dates. You're choosing your dates based off of superficial qualities then hoping maybe there will be good inner qualities that come along. This is why if you're not getting dates now - you will not get them later unless you change something about your most superficial appearance.

> Inner qualities don't matter with online dating.

Were we talking about online dating? Afaics it hasn't been mentioned anywhere in the chain you're replying to.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#334

Post by bradlys »

tasuki wrote: post #333
bradlys wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Inner qualities don't matter with online dating. You're not choosing someone based on inner qualities with online dating or even first dates. You're choosing your dates based off of superficial qualities then hoping maybe there will be good inner qualities that come along. This is why if you're not getting dates now - you will not get them later unless you change something about your most superficial appearance.

> Inner qualities don't matter with online dating. Were we talking about online dating? Afaics it hasn't been mentioned anywhere in the chain you're replying to.

https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-...

Tell me - what does it look like here as to how people are going to get into relationships? Do you think bars and especially clubs are going to be great places to really get to know someone and let their personality shine for greater than 5 minutes?

I'm not gonna bother getting newer stats but they show the trend getting even more pushed towards online dating. You're not escaping it.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#335

Post by dragonwriter »

cstrahan wrote: post #317
dragonwriter wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

The one difference, to my mind, is this: > Relationships start off as acquaintances and develop organically as we spend time together. I would say that I have dated a lot in the past 10 years, and have been in some great long term (1 year or longer) relationships, but I've never dated someone I've met through my social circles, nor have I ever started off as an acquaintance and then transitioned over time into being…

> I would say that I have dated a lot in the past 10 years, and have been in some great long term (1 year or longer) relationships, but I've never dated someone I've met through my social circles, nor have I ever started off as an acquaintance and then transitioned over time into being romantically involved.

That's more common than it used to be, but still a very large minority of American couples meet through social circles. (Probably also stronger than it used to be though, is the divergence between different regional, class, ethnic, and other subcultural divides on how this works out; the idea that there is one specific pattern of “American” dating is as false as the idea that American romance movies paint an accurate picture of it.)

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#336

Post by trevorboaconstr »

amanaplanacanal wrote: post #311
systemsignal wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

America is focused on cars because it’s huge

Meh. Europe is also huge. Asia is huge. And have you seen the size of Africa?

I think the comment above could have been better articulated. America is ‘huge’ because of cultural inclinations. People want to feel autonomous. People don't want to live in too close of proximity to others. Despite recent attempts to create more welcoming city environments (safe streets, missing middle housing, equitable transportation) in the US, most still prefer suburban living. In turn, giving a more ‘spread out feeling.’ That’s just my opinion though.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#337

Post by zdragnar »

dfxm12 wrote: post #266
zdragnar wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I once had a man try to sell me his food stamps at a grocery store while his little kid was running up and down the aisle. He was the second person that day who tried to sell me his stamps (both offered roughly $100 worth for $80 cash, iirc). I'm not against food stamps at all, and at one point came close to being on them myself. I don't judge people for needing assistance. When you see such flagrant abuses of the sy…

If you were on SNAP, you might have had some understanding around how much of a hassle it is. The list of things you can't buy is mystifying. $100 in raw chicken vs $80 to go towards hot meals, Advil and dog food might be a valid trade off when you have to watch over a kid who runs around a lot.

And if he had asked me to buy specific things for him, I might have actually done so. My grandfather (a poor farmer) regularly told a story about how a man asked him for money, and he turned the man down but bought him lunch instead.

Just handing a man $80 in cash and taking his food stamps means potentially enabling behaviors- alcoholism, drug abuse, etc.- that I don't want to enable. Maybe he just though that less hassle would have been worth having $20 less to spend, I dunno. I've been around enough alcoholics, drug addicts and con artists that I'm not going to just hand money out to people.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#339

Post by randomdata »

JamesSwift wrote: post #332
randomdata wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have heard some suggest that the high school age has biological complications related to child birth. I have no expertise to delve into that topic. Outside of those influences, in hindsight, the high school years would have been the perfect time to have children. They are virtually wasted years anyway, being old enough to be ready to start to spread your wings, but not considered old enough to do so. The time could…

> Outside of those influences, in hindsight, the high school years would have been the perfect time to have children Umm what? Am I offbase in assuming you dont have kids? Its absolutely not a great idea to have children in high school. And I have 2 sisters who did. Without getting into too many details, I think it would have been more stable and much, _much_ easier if they didn't have children that young. Not only a…

> Am I offbase in assuming you dont have kids?

Yes. I do have children and in hindsight there would have been a lot of benefits having them much earlier in life.

> Not only are you losing out on so much as a parent

I lose out on so much now as a parent because I have adulting to do. When I was in high school what did I have to do with my time? Not much. Time that could have been put into the child. I also had way more energy to keep up with children, something that is much harder now that I'm older.

> Its absolutely not a great idea to have children in high school.

Yes, we firmly established in the environment where society demonizes having children, going against the grain will not lead to desirable outcomes. Going against society never ends well, no matter the topic. While your concerns are valid, they are the product of the very society that does not welcome children and ostracizes those who have them.

Again, people avoid having children young because it is socially unacceptable to do so. It is entirely logical to want to avoid fighting that given the importance of society to an individual. But, as said before, aside from those factors high school would be a great time to have children for a number of reasons. Indeed, there is never a perfect time to have children.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#340

Post by bittercynic »

GameOfFrowns wrote: post #326
bittercynic wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There may be some situations where people want to rank potential partners desirability as though it was a scalar that everyone would agree on, but there is no requirement to participate in those situations. For me, and I suspect most people, it seems much better to just do the things you enjoy, be friendly, and find people where there is some mutual interest in spending time together.

>find people where there is some mutual interest in spending time together. Until the woman has to defend your eligibility against her female friends, comparing you to previous partners, current alternative suitors and male celebrities.

No doubt there are people in the world who do that stuff, but why spend your time with them?
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