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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#271

Post by swat535 »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Yes, I grew up in Iran and we don't really have dates" in the western sense.

Similarly there is no such thing as a man and a woman casually going out for tea (coffee is very fancy lol) as "friends". If you did that, people would simply assume you are a couple. Platonic relationships would only manifest itself in groups and never in a one-on-one setting. Solo activities are rare over there anyway..

Regarding marriage, _both_ families have to meet and approve (once the couple decided they want to get married) and there is custom that the man, along with his family, visit the bride's and ask for "permission". This could only happen if she had initially said yes privately; You can't just show up and have the family force her into a marriage for example.

As you can see, it is very different culturally.. though many western elements are trickling down to younger generation so these days there is kind of weird blend..

Incidentally, when I met my fiance (she is from Spain) in Canada, I did it the Iranian way.. went to her house with my parents and asked her family if they would permit me to marry her. Even though she had assured me it doesn't matter, I insisted that it was important for me to ask for her father's blessings, which of course he very much appreciated! He also loved the fact that I had converted to Catholicism so we arranged a traditional marriage in a Church along with a nice mix of Persian/Spanish celebration thereafter.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#272

Post by the_only_law »

incomingpain wrote: post #200

This one isn't so much about Japan. Japan is just sensitive to the problem because their ongoing population decline and upcoming economic collapse far greater than anyone has ever seen. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201710... https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/the-u-s-fertility-rate-... >In 2010, another survey published The Japanese Association for Sex Education Research Journal found that…

> What happens with sexless marriages? You stay at work because it's far less depressing to be at work than be at home in a sexless marriage

I gotta to wonder are there any intimate or romantic displays are or they basically just roommates.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#273

Post by cstrahan »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

> One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I honestly don't really see it as backwards if anything I think it really takes the pressure off from the two people to somehow keep interesting conversation for long periods of time.

The problem I see is the poor odds of finding someone within your extended friend group attractive, in terms of personality, character, physical qualities, etc. I suspect others must feel similarly, because I think we wouldn't have people dating strangers if they were satisfied with the options within their social circle.

If I'm romantically uninterested in 499 out of 500 women in my age group, I'd have to get extremely lucky to have my social circle grow to include someone I would consider dating. So instead, I pursue any opportunities as they arise; from experience (all long term romantic relationships): the coffee shop, in line to the ticketing kiosk at the airport, online dating, etc. I imagine I'm not alone.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#274

Post by cstrahan »

the_only_law wrote: post #244
ParksNet wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Modern America does: they're called Bars, Nightclubs, Saloons, HonkyTonks, Festivals, Beaches. I met my wife at a Meetup for 20-somethings hosted at a Brewery (Bar). I'm from Australia, and meeting women at these venues in America is much easier than in my home country - large Australians cities have such a huge influx of young Indian male migrants, that the gender ratios at many of these venues are inequitable.

> I met my wife at a Meetup for 20-somethings hosted at a Brewery (Bar). Wow I don't think I've ever seen this in my life. Most meetups I've seen look something like "meetup for professional women in their 40s", "MLM recruiting event meetup" "Wannabe thought leaders talk vaguely about business meetup", "seniors biking meetup (60+)", etc. Anything I've seen on meetup, either seems to target some hyper specific demogra…

> Wow I don't think I've ever seen this in my life.

There are a ton in Dallas, Texas. In fact, I don't know how I would meet people here otherwise, given how otherwise insular the culture is.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#275

Post by treis »

cstrahan wrote: post #265
treis wrote: post #236

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is ridiculous. Parks in my city are full of people just hanging out.

I think location is important. In D.C. or N.Y. it's completely normal to meet people dancing to a drum circle in the park, or join people in acro-yoga, slack-lining, bocce ball or whatever. There's a visceral feeling of inclusivity and positive vibes. In my home town of Dallas, Texas, you're looked at with suspicion if you approach strangers at a park. And unlike the picture I depicted above, small friend groups clus…

>In D.C. or N.Y. it's completely normal to meet people dancing to a drum circle in the park, or join people in acro-yoga, slack-lining, bocce ball or whatever. There's a visceral feeling of inclusivity and positive vibes.

>In my home town of Dallas, Texas, you're looked at with suspicion if you approach strangers at a park.

I'll admit to no particular experience in any of these cities but that does not exactly comport with their reputations.

>If you want to meet new people you practically have to join something recurring and structured like a Meetup (which is nice in that it at least selects for people open to meeting new people) or join a amateur sports team (kickball, volleyball, etc).

I'm pretty sure that's how it's always been. Either way, when the most exciting thing you could do at home alone was read a book people just did these things because they didn't want to be bored out of their minds. Friendships naturally followed from those shared activities. IMHO, that's part of the problem today. At home entertainment is pretty compelling and it's easy to get sucked into things like WoW but those don't tend to help you build a life like going out and doing stuff does.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#276

Post by anon291 »

rpmisms wrote: post #191
anon291 wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Happily married man here. I go to dinner one on one with my guy friends. That doesn't mean taking my wife out to dinner is not a date? Doing 'dating' things with friends is totally normal. It's a 'date' when you're doing it with someone you might marry.

I don't take my platonic friends to the nice French steakhouse downtown, though. Is going to Waffle House because you're hungry a date, or is it going to Waffle House because you're hungry?

> I don't take my platonic friends to the nice French steakhouse downtown, though.

Why not?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#277

Post by anon291 »

otterley wrote: post #156
anon291 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I’m on my second marriage now I think you're unknowingly proving his point.

Other than the legal and financial ramifications, it’s not significantly different than any other breakup of a relationship due to poor fit. Don’t read into it too much.

It is significantly different, and while I'm glad you're happy, a second marriage is pretty damning evidence that the loose bond suggested above exists.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#278

Post by [deleted] »

dfxm12 wrote: post #266
zdragnar wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I once had a man try to sell me his food stamps at a grocery store while his little kid was running up and down the aisle. He was the second person that day who tried to sell me his stamps (both offered roughly $100 worth for $80 cash, iirc). I'm not against food stamps at all, and at one point came close to being on them myself. I don't judge people for needing assistance. When you see such flagrant abuses of the sy…

If you were on SNAP, you might have had some understanding around how much of a hassle it is. The list of things you can't buy is mystifying. $100 in raw chicken vs $80 to go towards hot meals, Advil and dog food might be a valid trade off when you have to watch over a kid who runs around a lot.

[deleted]

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#279

Post by systemsignal »

warning26 wrote: post #231
zozbot234 wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. Modern America, by and large, does not have the shared spaces and sense of community where these interactions could occur. As Robert Putnam said it, we're literally 'Bowling Alone'. "Dates" are a band-aid, their only positive is they avoid the alternative of universal inceldom.

> Modern America, by and large, does not have the shared spaces and sense of community where these interactions could occur. Yet another unfortunate output of the US's completely broken focus on cars. Cars require intentionality -- there's no room for spontaneous interactions when you have to choose your destination and then spend 10min driving there.

America is focused on cars because it’s huge

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#280

Post by anon291 »

giantg2 wrote: post #192
anon291 wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> For others it is simply too late. Yup... you need to start very young to have a high chance of having more than two kids.

I'm not sure. Is this sarcasm?

No. A few years ago, I looked at a study that said if you want three kids with >90% probability, you should marry at 23. For two kids, the age is 26-28 I think. This is the woman's age. Fertility decline rapidly after 30. Plus there's infertility between kids if you choose to breastfeed, etc. There's also a lot of other factors to consider that could delay having kids (miscarriages, difficulty conceiving, etc). Of course the father's age also matters but I don't have data on that.
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