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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#241

Post by Veen »

dragonwriter wrote: post #226
Veen wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. I'm early 40s and the idea of dating in the American sense seems odd to me. I've met all my romantic partners at parties or through gatherings at friend's houses. Relationships start off as acquaintances and develop organically as we spend time together. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone I barely know out on a date. Of course, once a mutual interest has been established, we go and do stuff together on…

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

It seems to me a different experience to what I've seen in American movies or observed with American friends. There's less formality and expectation. There's no progression from first date to second date and so on. You start the "dating" part once you're pretty sure you really want to spend time with someone, i.e. you're fairly confident it's a relationship that's going somewhere before you start "dating". It's less exploratory than US dating seems to me. The "doing stuff alone together" is more the culmination of a process of familiarizing yourself with each other than the beginning of something new.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#242

Post by bradlys »

ecshafer wrote: post #62
rpmisms wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am married, never dated in the normal sense. Met a girl, spent time doing normal things with her, we decided we got along well enough to get married. Coming up on three years, seems to work pretty well.

Doing normal things together is dating. Maybe I am missing your point. But if you ever went out to dinner together, or lunch, or walked in the park, those are dates.

In the US - this is not dating. Dates are considered something you do with someone you're not in a committed relationship with. What we define as dates are usually when two "single" people go out somewhere together with the explicit intention of romantic/sexual progression and those people call it a date. If you didn't call it a date - it's probably not a date. A date has pressure and naming. There's also an aspect of a date being something where it's like an experiment - if it goes well then you keep going. If it doesn't go well then you leave.

Once you're in a committed relationship with someone - going out with intention of romantic/sexual progression is not a date anymore. It's just "going out for the night", etc. People will have "date night" and what not to fake dates because one of the partners want to feel hot and single again but there's nothing real about them because there's no chance that they'll be like, "Yeah, it's not me - it's actually you. Ghosting now." Whereas that's a real possibility on a real date.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#243

Post by kingcharles »

stjohnswarts wrote: post #106
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

What culture doesn't have a way to meet up with potential partners? Unless they have some substitute like arranged marriages this doesn't bode well for the country however. I mean if people don't have kids then the species is all dead in 3 generations or so. However if they're making up for it in their 30s and 40s it's fine.

In lots of Muslim countries dating is frowned upon, and that is a significant percentage of the world's population.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#244

Post by the_only_law »

ParksNet wrote: post #235
zozbot234 wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. Modern America, by and large, does not have the shared spaces and sense of community where these interactions could occur. As Robert Putnam said it, we're literally 'Bowling Alone'. "Dates" are a band-aid, their only positive is they avoid the alternative of universal inceldom.

Modern America does: they're called Bars, Nightclubs, Saloons, HonkyTonks, Festivals, Beaches. I met my wife at a Meetup for 20-somethings hosted at a Brewery (Bar). I'm from Australia, and meeting women at these venues in America is much easier than in my home country - large Australians cities have such a huge influx of young Indian male migrants, that the gender ratios at many of these venues are inequitable.

> I met my wife at a Meetup for 20-somethings hosted at a Brewery (Bar).

Wow I don't think I've ever seen this in my life. Most meetups I've seen look something like "meetup for professional women in their 40s", "MLM recruiting event meetup" "Wannabe thought leaders talk vaguely about business meetup", "seniors biking meetup (60+)", etc. Anything I've seen on meetup, either seems to target some hyper specific demographic, or be a some sort of scam, or old people doing hobbies. Singles groups tend to trend 30s and 40s or even enforce that.

Also bars are pretty good for meeting people IMO, but only in the sense of "some rando my father's age said something to me and now ere rambling nonsense to each other thanks to the alcohol. I've been to venues with younger people, but those always seemed so cliqued up and no one talks to you.

Maybe the southern US trends older in general though.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#245

Post by [deleted] »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

[deleted]

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#246

Post by tiborsaas »

rpmisms wrote: post #57
sequoia wrote: post #50

How have ~5% of married men never been on a date? Is the chart just imprecise?

I am married, never dated in the normal sense. Met a girl, spent time doing normal things with her, we decided we got along well enough to get married. Coming up on three years, seems to work pretty well.

The first time you've spent some romantic together or kissed could be considered a date. It's a very loose term.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#247

Post by somecommit »

monological wrote: post #189
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

I mean, making a woman truly happy will be more challenging than inverting binary trees anyway.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#248

Post by rpmisms »

tiborsaas wrote: post #246
rpmisms wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am married, never dated in the normal sense. Met a girl, spent time doing normal things with her, we decided we got along well enough to get married. Coming up on three years, seems to work pretty well.

The first time you've spent some romantic together or kissed could be considered a date. It's a very loose term.

Our first kiss was in a barn standing in sheep shit.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#249

Post by rayiner »

monological wrote: post #189
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

Hasn’t it always been? When my mom came back from my cousin’s wedding, the first three things she said were: the wife is a civil engineer, she’s pretty, and she’s Muslim (like our whole family) but not fundamentalist. Right to the point.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#250

Post by tiborsaas »

rpmisms wrote: post #248
tiborsaas wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first time you've spent some romantic together or kissed could be considered a date. It's a very loose term.

Our first kiss was in a barn standing in sheep shit.

That's a nice date, well done ;)
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