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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#221

Post by Mordisquitos »

stjohnswarts wrote: post #131
commiepatrol wrote: post #17

I wish they would define what a date is. Does it mean virgin or at least someone who has had sex without paying for it? It also looks like in their culture you can be romantically involved without being sexually involved - are they saying 40% of younger men have never had a relationship?

Stop speculating and ask your date. I usually default to paying but say "is that cool? we can split it if you like". you just have to be honest and not put on a fake mask, they'll see through it eventually.

You did not pass the Turing test.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#222

Post by pphysch »

bittercynic wrote: post #206
pphysch wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One reductive way to view Western (straight) dating culture: - the women are competing for top ~10% of men, who almost always will have multiple casual partners at any given time because of this - the (other 90% of) men are competing for the top 50% of women It's a mess of poorly defined and misaligned interests. This leads to tension and stereotypes ("all men are assholes! all women are harlots!") and sexual inequal…

There may be some situations where people want to rank potential partners desirability as though it was a scalar that everyone would agree on, but there is no requirement to participate in those situations. For me, and I suspect most people, it seems much better to just do the things you enjoy, be friendly, and find people where there is some mutual interest in spending time together.

That's the secret sauce, but many people lead relatively isolated lives and downloading an app seems like the easy route.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#223

Post by bergenty »

alphabettsy wrote: post #166
randomdata wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The well-off in North America stopped having kids because it has become socially unacceptable do so; at least in youth. The young "rural hick" mother is the canonical image young women are told they must not become. We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. Having children is something well-off people have come to f…

> We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. You don’t see any issue with people who haven’t even completed high school having children?

Financially yes. But the way this has traditionally worked is there is a whole familial support structure that helps raise the kid so the teen mother is financially and structurally supported. I don’t condone teens having children but babies born at that age have the least number of complications and healthier dispositions.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#224

Post by etrautmann »

spacemadness wrote: post #201
monological wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

Everyone needs to make sure you are beyond gainfully employed so they can live some semblance of a normal life if you both decide to stick around the bay.

This somehow seems true, sadly

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#225

Post by willcipriano »

bradlys wrote: post #143
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

> Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out.

All of this is also true for women.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#226

Post by dragonwriter »

Veen wrote: post #219
Joeboy wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm an old British person and "dating" does sound kind of American to me. People would "go out" together, which I guess is similar but is more like "starting a relationship" than "trying people out with a view to maybe starting a relationship". Which I don't think we really had a term for. I think "dating" in that sense only started seeming commonplace with online dating. Of course people would do things with people…

Same here. I'm early 40s and the idea of dating in the American sense seems odd to me. I've met all my romantic partners at parties or through gatherings at friend's houses. Relationships start off as acquaintances and develop organically as we spend time together. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone I barely know out on a date. Of course, once a mutual interest has been established, we go and do stuff together on…

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#227

Post by bradlys »

willcipriano wrote: post #225
bradlys wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

> Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. All of this is also true for women.

And?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#228

Post by BlargMcLarg »

bradlys wrote: post #208
BlargMcLarg wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>not being poor That's a pretty darn big reason when women select for financial stability rather aggressively and with the "do your dues" mentality the job market has combined with prolonged studying. By far most people would not point out "just age" as the cause, but the things which come with age to most men naturally.

Poor is different than not-rich. I've seen many "poor" men get many relationships and dates. Money is only a minor factor. SV should be an indicator of that - we have an overreaching amount of men making $400k+/yr and yet they're also some of the most single people out there. Besides - when it comes to online dating and getting first dates - not looking poor just means don't appear homeless.

Not sure why you're arguing in extremes when we both agree "don't appear homeless" is a pretty big deal, in fact "don't be homeless" is an important deal to most women, and more and more men early to mid 20s aren't in a position to afford rent due to their life choices and economic pressure on young adults in particular.

If you're going to argue being financially stable is in fact a pretty big deal, aging and gaining experience to remain financially stable is a pretty obvious perk that comes with age. Especially outside SV and the US. If only as simple as to afford going to places with more prospects and bringing someone home to your place without hassle or worries. It doesn't need "rich" money but it sure as hell needs "money" spent in an effective manner.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#229

Post by etrautmann »

NoGravitas wrote: post #122
sgustard wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The point is, a private one-on-one meeting is usually a required precursor to marriage and children. Casual group hangouts don't jump to that step.

Not in America or Europe in recent history. But 100 or 150 years ago here, group meetings (e.g., church, one family visiting another) could certainly lead to an offer of marriage (and request for paternal permission). Private one-on-one meetings would have been highly discouraged except under controlled conditions.

What's your point? Is that past with arranged marriages and lack of courtship somehow better than two people getting to know each other one on one?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#230

Post by dfxm12 »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures.

While I'm not totally immersed in Japanese culture, I do watch a lot of random movies from all over and some Japanese films like My Tomorrow, Your Yesterday do center around (ostensibly) 20 year olds going on dates as I, someone from another culture, understand them...

Plus, from the article, we only know that people were asked and self-reported if they've ever been on a date. Date could mean different things to different respondents, no?

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