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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#161

Post by aquadoggy »

marcyb5st wrote: post #146
aquadoggy wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

Maybe there's something that you don't make you look as an attractive partner? Lack of self confidence when it comes to interactions with the other sex? Social awkwardness? Lack of self care? Anyway, your first line is just sad. Yeah, they are having sex with other men, but is your ego so fragile that the idea of a woman having one or more comparison points scares you?

I know the first line is sad. I am trying to find a healthier way to view the situation.

A lot of my best friends are women. Recently I went through a major accomplishment. I had five women friends text me to congratulate me.

I feel that I dress well, and I am a physically fit marathon-running, motorcycle-riding, outdoorsman. Social awkwardness yes but I think it comes across as being sincere.

This is my unhealthy mindset talking (perhaps) but it isn't necessarily low ego, it's just life, pop culture, etc does not align with the values I was taught as a child, growing up in a conservative religious home.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#162

Post by rokhayakebe »

sgustard wrote: post #109
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

The point is, a private one-on-one meeting is usually a required precursor to marriage and children. Casual group hangouts don't jump to that step.

"Usually" is the keyword.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#163

Post by rayiner »

danans wrote: post #103
rayiner wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There was a lot of shame attached to sexuality and casual sex in the US in the 1950s and people dated (courted) more and got married more and had more kids. Those attitudes are still the same in most of Asia and Africa, and people have relationships. The irony of developed countries is that as acceptance of sexuality increases, relationships and indeed even sexual activity is decreasing. What appears to be breaking d…

> Historically, many people have relied on parents, churches, etc., to introduce them. Today it’s more of a free market. Yeah, and the free market of dating definitely favors some personality types more than others. In general, people who can tell good jokes, listen to a story, ask questions, dance a bit, etc have it easier than those who can't. Whereas in societies with more traditional pairing mechanisms you could…

At least in the US, there is a general decline in participation in social organizations. People don’t go to church picnics anymore, but many don’t really go to anything else either. And in recent years we have discouraged approaching people in the workplace. I think that’s the correct thing to do, because work should be kept separate from personal life. But that also leaves fewer ways for people to meet each other in a social setting, especially folks who don’t go to college or grad school.

Over 95% of marriages where I’m from are arranged. It’s not a perfect system, but has a number of advantages. Family in my opinion is a lot more rational about a young person’s strengths and weaknesses on the relationship market than the young people themselves. They have experience in what’s more important in a relationship or less. Some of my cousins have had arranged marriages in the US and Canada and they’ve been great matches.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#164

Post by anon291 »

treis wrote: post #132
piyh wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Meet Girl ??? Marriage

It's a cultural thing. Extremely broadly speaking, the West treats love as something you fall into while Asia + some other places treat it as something you build.

American culture lacks words to describe love because we don't understand it, and have rejected the western patrimony.

America is obsessed with eros and increasingly disinterested in filial love and utterly uninterested in agape love. It leads to an incredibly unbalanced society. Healthy societies ignore erotic love as a fleeting feeling and instead focus on filial love, which is buildable and intentional.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#165

Post by Johanx64 »

IE6 wrote: post #73
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

To be honest this reply smells like "man-o-sphere" logic... PSA: To anyone struggling with this please try and ignore any advice online that focuses on the opposite sex and their inherent value (or lack thereof). Actually talking to the opposite sex even in a casual way is a really good way to get over this type of thinking.

Eh, instead of poking holes in so called "man-o-sphere" logic, you just reject it outright as a matter of principle. Why would anyone reject logic, especially if it makes sense?

Unfortunately, this kind of logic and thinking has already entered mainstream internet consciousness via memes and such, and the only way to address it is to face it head on.

And if you can't then what does it mean?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#166

Post by alphabettsy »

randomdata wrote: post #128
willcipriano wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ideology gets in the way of truth on this one. One side doesn't want to admit that a lot of poor people have a good bit of free time available to them, particularly those who receive social services. The other side doesn't want to admit that middle class and up folks have been working long hours at a cost to their personal lives and development, that isn't new, but now both mom and dad are doing it and households are…

The well-off in North America stopped having kids because it has become socially unacceptable do so; at least in youth. The young "rural hick" mother is the canonical image young women are told they must not become. We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate. Having children is something well-off people have come to f…

> We even air TV shows (e.g. Teen Mom) meant to portray the ostracization young mothers face in an effort to not let others realize the same fate.

You don’t see any issue with people who haven’t even completed high school having children?

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#167

Post by franciscop »

thematrixturtle wrote: post #134
kstenerud wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is a big part of Japanese culture, so the findings in the article are significant.

It's an import in Japan as well. A generation or two ago, matchmaking/arranged marriage (omiai) was still the order of the day.

Apparently one step of omiai while evaluating each other was "Toward the end of the meeting, the potential couple were often advised to go off to spend some time alone, in order to get better acquainted.", which on its own pretty much sounds like the modern concept of dating.

I've seen big changes in a generation or two in Spain and the UK, while we don't "date" anymore, we just "hang out" with another person we are interested on. Dates over here seem outdated and too serious, something our parents did. However in Japan, they can mean a more casual out of two people of opposite sex, to the point that a couple can also go on a date after being married (which doesn't make sense if you see dating strictly as the precursor of finding a significant other).

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#168

Post by BlargMcLarg »

bradlys wrote: post #143
willcipriano wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mens value in the dating marketplace goes up over time. If you are relatively sane, sober and employed around 28, mother nature helps you out with her biological alarm clock. Keep your head up, it's going to get easier from here on out.

As someone who did get older and went through this - it does not get better. Your hair doesn’t suddenly get thicker. The pounds don’t suddenly become easier to keep off. Your skin doesn’t tighten. Your complexion doesn’t smoothen out. It gets worse. This is just copium we give to men to make them think it gets better. The stats show that it doesn’t get better . If you’re single now and have never been on a date - the…

>not being poor

That's a pretty darn big reason when women select for financial stability rather aggressively and with the "do your dues" mentality the job market has combined with prolonged studying. By far most people would not point out "just age" as the cause, but the things which come with age to most men naturally.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#169

Post by Axien »

kstenerud wrote: post #129
willcipriano wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ideology gets in the way of truth on this one. One side doesn't want to admit that a lot of poor people have a good bit of free time available to them, particularly those who receive social services. The other side doesn't want to admit that middle class and up folks have been working long hours at a cost to their personal lives and development, that isn't new, but now both mom and dad are doing it and households are…

This is just the natural progression of the gutting of the middle class. A middle class job in the 50s and 60s was MUCH easier on the home and social life. Unions were common and life was pretty civilized on the whole. Since then we've been on a steady regression to the industrial revolution, where employers hold all the power and can use people as they see fit (i.e. forget working only 40 hours a week), and only the…

I 100% disagree. With the insanely low unemployment, workers hold more power than any time in human history.

Unions were a symptom of an abusive employer. As that abuse subsided, union representation waned.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#170

Post by commandlinefan »

fristechill wrote: post #37

Equally disturbing is the fact that many married men are being encouraged to participate in a permanent state of ersatz courtship known as 'date nights'. What's the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1HgQbXFEE

I mean, dude... if you're married to somebody you don't want to spend any time with - you might be married to the wrong person.
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