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Restarting my career after motherhood

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Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#221

Post by pempem »

knorker wrote: post #211
sz4kerto wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is really not compensated if you look at the financial side. The cost of raising a child plus the lost income because of parenting plus the fact that 'you remain flat' is way higher than months or even a year extra pay. It is worth it though for most people (because of the extra happiness) so I'm not saying that we should necessarily compensate it further, just that financially it's not compensated for.

You're right that it's not the case that "someone else" pays the whole bill. But why should they? It's a personal choice to have children, and it's impossible to be a parent X hours a day and also spend those same X hours "in the lab". Just like it's not possible to spend all your time in the lab and also be a (present) parent. The limited time for everything that can be done in a lifetime is not about "fairness", an…

Because you need those children to grow up and:

- pay taxes

- make good governance choices

- buy the products you may be making

- make the products you might be selling

- make the products you consume

the list goes on...

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#222

Post by MacsHeadroom »

foogazi wrote: post #183
121789 wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I understood it as both of them taking the far ends of the spectrum of work/parenting balance (one fully parenting, one fully working) rather than a "less extreme" scenario where both take more balanced roles in working/parenting. I didn't see it as an evaluation of the choice in lifestyle.

> one fully parenting, one fully working Fully working = 8-10 hours a day Still leaves a lot of time for parenting- and doesn’t seem so extreme, I’d say it’s one of the most common division of family life in the world

8-10 hours a day, plus continuing education, networking, mentorship relationships, etc. ton not fall behind.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#223

Post by xwolfi »

epx wrote: post #128

Never understood this employer fixation on unbroken careers. A career break may happen to anyone by infinite reasons beyond motherhood. Most people have such career-pausing or career-delaying events (health issues, depression, fatherhood , taking care of an elderly relative), most conceal it, motherhood just happens not to be concealable. And things don't change as fast. Not even in IT. And even if changed, legacy is…

There is no fixation except in candidates hiding it and lying abt it. A large explained gap is entirely fine, a secret gap is an immediate no: beyond whatever you were doing in jail or whatnot, the fact our first interaction started on a lie is an issue.

I d take a proud jail reformed who's trying to change though.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#224

Post by JonChesterfield »

fraoulitsa wrote: post #99
mattgreenrocks wrote: post #88

To the author: what exactly are you looking for? As in, what type of job, position, desired amount of work per week, etc? There are people here that may be able to help.

Thank you so much for reading my blog and for asking all these questions. I am very grateful for everyone's interest + support! I do not have specific requirements. I am flexible in terms of hours/week etc. I am looking on entering a career that utilizes my strong Computer Science + Analytical skills and a career that allows me to develop/ use my content creation skills/ passion, networking, events, communication, di…

Twins is brutal.

Software dev seems an easy choice from a computer science background.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#225

Post by mritchie712 »

remram wrote: post #74
mritchie712 wrote: post #10

your response to rejection tells me you'll be perfectly fine. Any company would be lucky to have you. The first thing we list in our "requirements" for hiring is "grit" and you clearly have an abundance.

Putting grit in your job requirements is a huge red flag. Putting it as the top is really concerning. Working for a company shouldn't require grit. > grit, n: firmness of mind or spirit, unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger What hardship or danger are employees subjected to, in your company? If this an excuse to blame burnout on employees' lack of fortitude? What systems are missing from your organiza…

less extreme definition. to me, grit = persistence

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#226

Post by modeless »

knorker wrote: post #209
modeless wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parenthood is vital to society and it's very much in the interest of countries with declining birthrates to promote it. It is currently subsidized but not nearly enough to make it a rational choice for individuals from a purely economic perspective. If we want to stabilize declining birthrates, we will need to increase subsidies by a lot.

The population pyramid is not sustainable. The exponential function just will not allow for the combination of age pyramid and our increasingly effective health care keeping us alive to all become parents. Watch this talk: https://youtu.be/O133ppiVnWY Tl;DW: we can not prevent the end of exponential population growth. We can only choose how it ends. By starvation, war, disease, or fewer births. Pension systems have r…

I'm not advocating for growth. I'm advocating for stability. The population pyramid is already over for us. Shrinking is now the default. We need more parents simply to stop the future shrinking.

I know some advocate shrinking for sustainability reasons, but a policy of shrinking is a policy of irrelevance. Other cultures with a growth mindset will continue growing and ruin your sustainability plans.

Let's have abundance instead of austerity. Instead of intentionally reducing the population for sustainability, we can make the current population sustainable with technology. We don't need to stop population growth. It's already stopping. We now need to stop population shrinkage to reach a stable equilibrium.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#227

Post by bradlys »

We’d have to change societal expectations and the capitalistic behaviors within our global society to really make this problem lessened. (Not happening) I’ve known quite a few women who took a break and got back into work - it wasn’t too bad for them. That said - they live in SV, well educated, etc. I can believe many who take longer breaks could struggle but the author isn’t even a month into their search. (The leetcode studying can be a hassle enough in itself)

I’ve often been told that as a man, I’d have to provide for my wife while she takes care of the kids. I’ve often resisted this because I think it’s patriarchal bullshit. People argue logistical points but there are solutions thanks to capitalism. Who is gonna carry the kid? Well, the woman can but that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to years off of work post-preg. I’d give you no longer than the standard time off at FAANG plus a month as compensation for your work of getting to eat whatever and destroy your body (I’m not a fan - neither would you if you saw me permanently gain 40lbs of fat). Alternatively - we pay for a surrogate. I’ll pay the cost if it means you have to play corporate war games. $100k for a few years off and you don’t lose your great body and have postpartum who the fuck knows? Sounds extremely cheap and advantageous to me! Yes, please! What about breast milk?! Women donate that and I can buy it. Again - cheap in the scheme of things.

At this point - it devolves. It’s clear it’s about want and not need. It’s just annoying people rarely take this stance because it’s shown to be a selfish choice and shown as one that is actually more enjoyable than corporate war games. Yes, it turns out $500k+/yr jobs are often very stressful, competitive, and full of hell. No wonder you want to escape - but so do I.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#228

Post by paulryanrogers »

paulcole wrote: post #215
paulryanrogers wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you define what compensation you see as so exclusive to parenting? If just this financial support provided by some governments then consider you could take on a very low pay job with a nonprofit and get similar 'compensation'. Albeit spread across the length of that career instead of front loaded as paternity leave/credits.

Parental leave is exclusive to parenting. See the original comment: > Some countries give more than a year paid parental leave You yourself are making my point by saying “similar compensation” “albeit spread across the length of a career.” There is nothing for non-parents that is equivalent to parental leave.

Thanks for clarifying your perspective. Honestly it just seems very narrow and pedantic since even non-parents benefit from efforts to blunt the incredible costs of parenting. It leads to quality of life improvements, even if modest, for families. Non-parents themselves, and all their friends, love interests, and family have to come from parents somehow. If society does nothing to help then more parents will choose to have fewer, or no, children.

And these leave benefits are just so miniscule compared to the effort and finances required for each child. So why complain about missing them?

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#229

Post by bradlys »

russellendicott wrote: post #79
maxk42 wrote: post #54

> So far, I got rejected from over twenty job opportunities. That's nothing. I've been continuously employed for over 20 years. I just got a job a few weeks ago after two months of unemployment. I kept a record of every application and in the end there were more than 130 of them. I ended up with several offers and got a great job but I had far more than 20 rejections for every offer I received and I consider that a v…

Yeah, agree here. Even with a stream of continuous employment, nobody gets a job by submitting CV's to websites. You have to have a network. Best advice I would give to anyone taking a break from work is to stay in touch with your old coworkers-take them out to lunch occasionally, stop by the office and bring cookies, etc.

> Yeah, agree here. Even with a stream of continuous employment, nobody gets a job by submitting CV's to websites. You have to have a network.

I disagree. I've only gotten jobs through submitting CVs to websites. I've received over a dozen offers and had 6 jobs through this method.

It does actually work. It gets better the better your resume gets. I've never used a referral to get a job offer even once.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#230

Post by janeerie »

aperson_hello wrote: post #90
russellendicott wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, agree here. Even with a stream of continuous employment, nobody gets a job by submitting CV's to websites. You have to have a network. Best advice I would give to anyone taking a break from work is to stay in touch with your old coworkers-take them out to lunch occasionally, stop by the office and bring cookies, etc.

It's possible. I've done it twice. But it takes hundreds of applications for every "yes"

Yes, I have gotten nearly every one of my jobs by applying through a website. If you're applying for roles that are a reasonable fit, you have a decent chance of getting a response.
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