Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#271

Post by serial_dev » Tue, May 31, 2022, 9:53 AM UTC

Stop it? I'm sorry to send you this video, but maybe it will help. https://youtu.be/Ow0lr63y4Mw

Most of these wounds are self inflicted and you can start solving them one by one, mainly by stopping your bad habits.

Stop working 90 hrs a week for your employer. Don't let them exploit you. Don't give up your free time voluntarily.

Stop working for this company and start interviewing at other companies. Prioritize a place where you have a couple of colleauges that you can learn from, and socialize. You will learn from them, and you will also learn that they are not perfect, maybe you stop treating yourself so harshly.

You don't need to start with FAANG, just find a place where you can learn at a healthy 40 hrs (or less) rate. You can practice leet coding, but do not put to much pressure on yourself. Just solve two problems a day, in a year you will be probably ready for interviewing at FAANG companies.

If what you say is true and you can ship things, you are good at mobile and web, on call, etc, you can probably get a significant raise, too. Start looking for a new job, and even if you feel down, try to fake that you feel confident.

Stop accepting on call duty without compensation.

Stop thinking you are just simply "bad at networking". It's a skill that can be improved if you actually want to improve it. Start even if you think you are "lame", go to meetups, apply to jobs, start a running club, or anything, just take small steps and start improving your networking skills as soon as possible.

Stop panicking that you are already 28 and don't have everything figured out. You are still young and can easily turn your life around.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#272

Post by teekert » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:03 AM UTC

IMHO the road to betterment is starting with accepting yourself AS YOU ARE NOW. Give yourself a proverbial hug, say it’s ok. This is where you are, you’re doing quite good actually, earning quite some money (albeit with crazy crazy hours, I never met anyone doing 90 hours, maybe migrate to the Netherlands here where we prefer 32 ;)).

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#273

Post by daveKoala » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:04 AM UTC

1. Take time off, but don't sit on your arse watching Netflix. Plan to do something. During future interviews if asked about the gap you can say, 'I did this and that' and it marks you out as a more rounded person.

2. I follow the CIA principle of Change what you can change, Influence what you can influence and Accept that you can not change or influence. So try and change your working environment (approach management with positives) otherwise suck it up or move on.

3. 'Rockstar programmer' what a load of crap. All that means is someone has depth of experience in a few areas. No one knows it all, and at the end of the day you are being paid to build and maintain a product.

In your case many products and that in itself is something to be proud of.

I work with some really smart developers and I don't think any have created public libraries and solutions from scratch - what makes them smart is asking the right questions and not just excepting the first answer given and then piecing together a solution

4. 'Stuck in a rut' a rut is a grave with the ends knocked out

5. 'Evaluating your worth', the only way to do this is to look outside the small pond you are currently swimming in. The regular long hours sat looking at screen are not good for your mental, physical or social health, "regular breaks" are not the solution

Sorry if I sound like a grumpy old man, but I am.

I am 50 this year and when I hear similar stories to yours I just want to do the 'dad thing' and say, "things will be okay, you know more than you think BUT its down to you to make the change and good things are not easy but are worth the effort".

Sounds like you are ready to make the first steps

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#274

Post by Tenoke » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:06 AM UTC

t_mann wrote: post #254

Tenoke wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>What's really doing damage is your language, not a biased estimate of which percentile of a bell curve we're looking at here. I don't know, maybe setting unrealistic expectations and telling everyone they are worth more which implies they are doing something wrong to not get that worth out isn't doing them favours either in the long run.

Yes, apparently you don't know how language affects emotions, expectations and personal relationships, and what the long-term effects on mental health, productivity, longevity and quality-years-of-life are. Don't confuse your pseudo-empiricism with objectivity (we don't even have enough data here! how can you talk about unrealistic expectations without data?). But even better, learn interpersonal skills - objectivity…

>we don't even have enough data here! how can you talk about unrealistic expectations without data?

You don't need data on every single developer in the world to know that not all of them are 'worth more'.

>learn interpersonal skills - objectivity isn't everything.

The whole thinking that objectivity precludes interpersonal skills and that if you attempt to be objective you are what? a cold robot? is absurd.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#275

Post by davix55 » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:06 AM UTC

let's talk

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#276

Post by ponow » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:08 AM UTC

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #264

distances wrote: post #257

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think in many other countries like Nordics and Germany the company can be forced to just basically undo the termination.

Only if the courts decide that it was unlawful, but companies have enough experience and lawyers who make sure they have enough dirt on you to justify them firing you. It's what my German ex-boss told us and I've had seen many colleagues get fired without any repercussions for the company. Plus, if you end up sueing your former employer, and the word gets out, no other employer will touch you. Also, for your mental h…

Big companies have lawyers up the wazoo, but startups (esp. with a single dev like OP) struggle with funds in many cases, so often hire lawyers to the minimal extent possible.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#277

Post by p0nce » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:08 AM UTC

The problem is that you work hard but for someone else, that doesn't care about your health. Your suffering is an externality to them.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#278

Post by hnzix » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:10 AM UTC

croon wrote: post #243

coffeefirst wrote: post #57

A lot of stuff going on here. 1. You're clearly NOT incompetent. If you were, you couldn't possibly hold the web and mobile platform together entirely on your own for that long AND handle every on call incident. 2. The thing that surprised me most about burnout was the physical symptoms. You've got them. It only gets worse from here if you keep doing what you're doing. 3. It makes perfect sense to me that you don't f…

> 2. Hit up recruiters, hit up whatever network you have (including old acquaintances). Your story is incredibly straightforward: you held the line on these systems by yourself for years on end, including all their on-call needs, it's enough work for a 4-person team, and no help is coming. You're looking to work on an actual team where people actually learn from each other. OP said they weren't good at networking, bu…

> I mainly go through recruiters (who do take a cut, but worth it for me).

Recruiters can be great to avoid the networking dance. Make sure to look at salary surveys so you have a ballpark for pay, ask the recruiter what % cut they are taking, and always engage with at least three separate recruiters for calibration. If a recruiter pressures you into being exclusive, laugh and hang up.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#279

Post by ponow » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:10 AM UTC

eyelidlessness wrote: post #152

fshr wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But what if they aren't worth more (as a dev, financially) than they think they are? They could be awful, but naively put in a ton of hours. Why do we assume people are worth more? Are we trying to make them feel better by making assumptions and potentially leading them horribly astray? Most people are supremely mediocre and there are just and many horrible devs as their are great ones.

What if this kind of cruel snotty attitude is a telltale sign of people who are as afraid they’re mediocre as they view the people they judge? What if there’s no value to anyone in this kind of response?

Being realistic is not cruel. It may feel cruel, but allowing people to delude themselves is far more cruel in the long term, as they make poor choices.

Re: Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

#280

Post by ponow » Tue, May 31, 2022, 10:14 AM UTC

scaramanga wrote: post #156

eyelidlessness wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if this kind of cruel snotty attitude is a telltale sign of people who are as afraid they’re mediocre as they view the people they judge? What if there’s no value to anyone in this kind of response?

This is literally the logic of capitalism. Your value is simply whatever value you are able to negotiate for yourself on the job market. OP is more valuable than a toilet cleaner, or a starbucks barista, less valuable than a corporate lawyer or a CEO. People naturally "compare up" rather than "compare down". Sure OP is probably in the 1% wealthiest people in the world, or top 99.9999% of those who ever lived, but rat…

> Your value is simply whatever value you are able to negotiate for yourself on the job market.

Since what you can negotiate is in part related to what value you can actually provide, then what you can negotiate is ultimately guided by reality, if not determined by it. Of course negotiation matters. In business as well as in love. And it matters in part because we cannot read minds and cannot see everything that you can do. So communication must fill that gap. Imperfectly.