Ask HN: Burnt-out, directionless but want to turn it around

For me, levelling up has always been about finding work I care about. Do you like what you do? Do you care about what you’re building? Do you work with people you enjoy and who enjoy you?

We can’t always have everything but we can seek out some of it. If you aren’t being paid that well, then what the hell, you’ll find the same money or more somewhere else doing something that doesn’t make you feel like garbage.

Someone else made a legitimate point. Say you’re actually not that strong of a developer. That’s fine - but you’re probably relatively awesome in some settings. Your work doesn’t need to define you, and if competing your life away to feel like a loser isn’t emotionally or financially rewarding, the public sector has plenty of less competitive roles you might do well in. There’s security, regular hours, good enough money, etc. Being the best at writing code is worth nothing if you hate your life while you do it, so your actually skill level isn’t all that important.

Above all, don’t measure yourself by how well you perform at work. Make a life for yourself outside of work, and work to service that life. Find people who care about you and don’t think for a moment about how well you do at your work. Distance yourself as much as possible from those thoughts. Tech can be insular and competitive, and you can wind up with weird ideas about things. Ultimately, none of it matters.

If you do not have commitments such as a family to provide for, you should take time off, assuming you have a cushion saved up. Take time to travel and learn some skills outside of technology for a year. An example is teaching english in a non-english speaking country, like Thailand, a trade, e.g., plumbing, if you can find someone to apprentice for. This is if you already have a college degree. If you do not have a college degree, then register for classes at a community college and complete as many directly relevant credits (e.g., Discrete Math, Relational Databases, etc.) that can be transferred for a degree. If you get a degree in Computer Science and Engineering, you will have a lot more opportunities, and there will be a floor for pay. Finally, after doing one or both of these for 1-2 years, look to get back into the industry. This time, you will have less chance of being underpaid and also have more confidence in your own ability.

Note: Leetcode interviews are hard even for people with degrees in Computer Science. This is even more true for people who graduated a long time ago. Basing a lot of your self-worth on Leetcode will be harmful no matter what, so you must develop a coping mechanism for that, which may include not interviewing at companies that heavily emphasize this type of interview.

I second creating tunnels: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31565849

A lot of stuff going on here.

1. You're clearly NOT incompetent. If you were, you couldn't possibly hold the web and mobile platform together entirely on your own for that long AND handle every on call incident.

2. The thing that surprised me most about burnout was the physical symptoms. You've got them. It only gets worse from here if you keep doing what you're doing.

3. It makes perfect sense to me that you don't feel like you're getting better in that environment. The rockstar developer is a myth, but the band is not. You get better by practicing with other talented people.

4. You already know this, but you're being taken advantage of.

So given all that...

1. Everyone telling you to take a break is correct. Go outside and look at trees, read a book somewhere scenic, shut off your phone. If you need to take sick time to do this, so be it. It's not going to make you feel normal, but it will give your wildly overworked brain some relief.

2. Hit up recruiters, hit up whatever network you have (including old acquaintances). Your story is incredibly straightforward: you held the line on these systems by yourself for years on end, including all their on-call needs, it's enough work for a 4-person team, and no help is coming. You're looking to work on an actual team where people actually learn from each other.

3. If possible, take some time off between the old job and the new job just to take care of yourself.

Good luck.

You've lost some things here or there but everyone loses somewhere no matter what their facade says. You're not a quintessential loser. Literally nobody is, we're all made with redemption in mind.