Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

wilwheaton.net

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

301–310 of 367 posts

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#301

Post by Kleto »

narag wrote: post #198
irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

As I have young children of my own today, I'm faced with these questions. What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? What about not at all? The only thing they need to be good, not even best, is the studies that will enable them to work. Just help them if they're falling behind. Os support them if they seem to have a passion for something in particular. But otherwise, let them have a life.

That just sounds lazy.

Kids are not able to just learn or discover there world by themselves.

I got a ton of influence from my parents and peers just not enough or relatively late.

I was not able to just buy a PC and let an electrition install the internet.

Suggesting music lessons and instruments is also pushing.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#302

Post by lapcat »

heyflyguy wrote: post #257

Tough read. Part of getting older seems like letting go of these bothersome memories and loving someone in spite of it. I hurt for this family that may never reconcile. The mom wants to believe she did right and won't apologize. Wil wants her to admit what really happened, which she may never do. She'll die someday and this may still be unresolved, which is the real tragedy. Being the bigger person isn't always easy,…

> Wil wants her to admit what really happened, which she may never do.

Does he? I didn't get that impression. "I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it."

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#303

Post by jazzythom »

lapcat wrote: post #299
Lendal wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Airing it in public isn't going to work for him. I had similar kinds of problems. Nothing I said or did worked so I just stopped talking about it. My mom would call me and I would politely talk to her about the weather and things like that, but nothing else. Now she's gone. We never could work out our issues. Most normal people accept that there are limits to what we can accomplish in our lives. Rich powerful people…

> Rich powerful people don't accept that truth, and keep trying to get what they want. But you can't always get what you want. So that's gonna be a hard lesson for Wil I think. In the very first paragraph of the article, Wil explained how he predicted, correctly, what the reaction would be from his parents. He's not in denial, not even close.

> Rich powerful people don't accept that truth, and keep trying to get what they want. But you can't always get what you want.

Some people can’t stop trying, it’s involuntary. That 80’s tough love slogan “never, never give up” actually does work, and wealth follows but, made or born, people with that level of obsession are deeply flawed.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#304

Post by [deleted] »

warrenmca wrote: post #193

somehow this thread has become focused on piano / music lessons, from my reading of Will's post, his experience w.r.t. movie roles and his mother's part in that went way beyond "go practice your piano / violin / oboe" before you hang out with your friends" being discussed here

[deleted]

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#305

Post by lapcat »

jazzythom wrote: post #303
lapcat wrote: post #299

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Rich powerful people don't accept that truth, and keep trying to get what they want. But you can't always get what you want. So that's gonna be a hard lesson for Wil I think. In the very first paragraph of the article, Wil explained how he predicted, correctly, what the reaction would be from his parents. He's not in denial, not even close.

> Rich powerful people don't accept that truth, and keep trying to get what they want. But you can't always get what you want. Some people can’t stop trying, it’s involuntary. That 80’s tough love slogan “never, never give up” actually does work, and wealth follows but, made or born, people with that level of obsession are deeply flawed.

Did you intend to reply to me or to Lendal? Because you quoted Lendal and didn't address my point.

Also, Wil said "I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it."

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#306

Post by pjc50 »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #296
pjc50 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The media coverage of child stars is a large part of the harm, and social media makes this worse.

Which media? Is there a sex divide, country divide, some other large scale segmentation ... I can't recall ever seeing anything about child stars when they are/were children but I consume mass-media every day.

"Tabloid". This kind of thing: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7194723/Millie...

"Stranger Things' Millie Bobby Brown, 15, opts for an Eighties-inspired prom dress as she joins her fellow teen stars in unveiling much-anticipated third season of the Netflix hit"

(somewhat randomly selected, she's the most recent child star that came to mind; the Mail is notorious for various levels of creepiness towards young female stars)

Not a great overlap with HN, but this stuff sells newspapers in their millions.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#307

Post by apohn »

anonymous_sorry wrote: post #147
nlnn wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a tough one. If you discover a passion for something as an adult, you'll often wish your parents had pushed you into it as a kid. I feel this way about music, zero education as a kid, started late as an adult, but feel I'll never catch up. Though there's no way of knowing whether I'd have felt the same as a kid, or pushed back against it at the time.

I had piano and clarinet lessons as a kid, and kept them up into my teens. I rarely practiced except when I was forced to, and I wasn't very good at practising when I did. I don't consider this abuse by the way, I was "forced" to go to school lessons too (not that I'm questioning Wil Wheaton's experience, which sounds quite different). Ultimately I found the repetition required in practising extremely boring, and I d…

> But I was given every opportunity, had lessons for years, and didn't prioritise it. I just accept that it wasn't for me.

I have a similar story to yours, just with clarinet and flute. Our school (outside the USA) had mandatory lessons and practice, so there was some degree of being forced to do it.

I took some piano lessons as an adult and enjoyed it. My piano teacher told me something that really stuck with me. "People who write Adult piano books know the learner isn't going to become a professional classical musician. So they just teach you to play some fun songs and you can enjoy it. Children's music education makes kids suffer under the assumption that they are might one day take it very seriously and become classical musicians. So you perform scales endlessly, have to learn perfect form, learn instruments you don't want to learn because you need to learn the clarinet before you can learn the Sax, learn a bunch of boring classical music when you are excited by other stuff on the radio, practice like crazy for exams, etc. It completely kills their interest in music."

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#308

Post by redshirtrob »

adriand wrote: post #247
kibibyte wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ooh, this definitely struck a chord in me, as I fall right into that stereotype. I was forced to play piano for 10 years and to do all those recitals and music theory tests. I could never wiggle myself out of it because of all the guilt-tripping. So of course, I went to college and promptly dropped all of it. And unexpectedly, nearly a decade later, this pandemic thing happened, I returned to piano, recently bought a…

My daughter is 12, she has been taking piano lessons for several years now. About a year-and-a-half ago she started saying that she didn’t want to continue. Hated her lessons, didn’t like her teacher any more, etc. We of course weren’t happy about this because she was playing very well. We do believe in honouring our kids’ wishes, coupled however with the requirement that they meet their commitments: in this case, th…

> Parenting is a tricky balancing act!

Indeed it is. Our rule of thumb is that you have to finish what you start, and generally give it two chances. This worked well for me as a child. I wanted to quit everything after the first go, but there were many activities that I loved after the second go, and a few I was happy to be done with (looking at you trombone).

1. Finishing what you start means honoring the promise you made--be it to the teacher/coach, the team, or someone else. Oftentimes other people are depending on you.

2. Giving the activity a second try accounts for the possibility that the problem wasn't with the activity so much as the environment.

To be clear, I only apply these rules for the kids wanting to quit, not the parents. If, as a parent, I observe unacceptable behavior by the coach/teacher, dangerous conditions, etc I will pull the plug. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#309

Post by lapcat »

foobarbecue wrote: post #266

I loved watching TNG as a kid, but Wesley's scenes always made me cringe. Maybe this is why.

> I loved watching TNG as a kid, but Wesley's scenes always made me cringe. Maybe this is why.

That's all on the writers. It's not like Wil was writing his own character. IIRC Wil has actually complained about how the character was written.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#310

Post by BackBlast »

irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

Pushing wasn't the problem here, at least not the primary one. It was a lack of love, understanding, and support from parents. He didn't feel heard, he didn't feel loved. His mother made it clear what her priority was, and it wasn't him. Will probably could have been an actor and had a loving supportive mother. At least it's possible.

Plenty of children benefit from hard work with their families. When the relationships are toxic then that time becomes toxic probably along with the activity. When there's love, they may not do that thing forever, but they will not hate it like this.

With my children, I encourage exploration of their skills, desires, and I've started them on paths towards lifelong careers from youngish ages (12-13). Which includes learning skills and testing things out. But I keep a keen ear open to their desires and an eye on their actual aptitudes and try really hard to match them up with useful work that they will like long term. I also try not to push so hard I kill the joy in the exploration and discovery while trying to keep expectations up and providing on-level material for them to level up at their own pace.

Children want expectations. They need expectations. Just also fill their lives with love — especially active love involving your time and attention. So that they thoroughly know that they are loved and valued well above and beyond any of these things or activities, and it will generally go well.

Post reply on HN