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I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

wilwheaton.net

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Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#201

Post by kelnos »

narag wrote: post #198
irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

As I have young children of my own today, I'm faced with these questions. What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? What about not at all? The only thing they need to be good, not even best, is the studies that will enable them to work. Just help them if they're falling behind. Os support them if they seem to have a passion for something in particular. But otherwise, let them have a life.

I wrote about this in a sibling comment to yours, but I think kids should be pushed at least some amount. I wish I could play piano today, but I was too lazy/unfocused to practice as a kid, and so my mom canceled my lessons and I never learned. It's something I wish my mom had pushed me to do back then.

Kids don't always know what's best for them, and they will sometimes take short-term satisfaction (not having to endure the monotony of deliberate practice) at the expense of long-term satisfaction (being able to play well after a time).

That's not to say parents should always force the issue. Certainly sometimes the kid really is expressing a preference that should be honored. But not always.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#202

Post by cruano »

nicolas_t wrote: post #85
irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

That's something me and my wife struggle with now that we have a child. We both wish we had been pushed more when it comes to music lessons. So, we think we will try to get him to learn piano or an other instrument (except violin). However, we will most likely put a time limit, if after 3 years he still doesn't really like it, he can give it up. The idea, is that I think that for certain things like music, it only re…

I think another problem is that lessons focus on "songs" that children don't like. I bet if a kid saw someone playing their favorite pop song on the piano they'd be all over it, specially if it's something like a simple melody they could learn in a day or two. It's just about sparking the interest.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#205

Post by Jataman606 »

darylteo wrote: post #49
irjustin wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the same time, I understand it. There are some things simply out of reach, music you literally cannot play because those wires weren't built when you were younger.

Exactly... at the elite level activities nowadays are simply out of reach to individuals who were not wholly absorbed in it from a young age. Federer - 8. Nadal/Djokovic - 4. S. Williams - 3. L. Hamilton - 8. M. Schumacher - 6. Verstappen - 4. Phelps - 7. Messi - 4. C. Ronaldo - 7. M. Carlsen - 5. Lebron - 9. S. Curry - 6 Some people are just lucky to be good at the things they love doing. The others have to be conte…

Jimi Hendrix - 15.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#206

Post by gwd »

irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

> As I have young children of my own today, I'm faced with these questions. What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? I don't need my kid to be the best at anything - I just don't want them to be lost/dead-in-the-water or unable to fend for themselves.

If you read other things written by Wil Wheaton, you'll find (according to his description) that his parents had a very perverse relationship with each other, and used him as a pawn in whatever twisted relationship games they were playing. Neither one actually cared about him as a person. There was no way he was going to come out of a situation like that un-scarred.

"Love covers a multitude of sins." Genuinely love your kids, and you won't go too far wrong.

EDIT: From TFA:

> It’s been clear for as long as I can remember that my mom and my dad don’t feel bad or anything about how much they hurt me, or how much their choices affected my life. My dad doesn’t care at all, and never did.

Don't be like those guys, and your children won't end up like Wil.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#207

Post by kelnos »

manmal wrote: post #11
irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

I wish my parents had pushed me more sometimes. Piano is one of those things; I quit after a year and a half or so, and my parents let me without pushing me to try harder to stick with it. Now, as an adult, over 30 years later, I really wish I'd kept taking lessons as a kid.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#208

Post by kelnos »

manmal wrote: post #61
irrational wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I sympathize. But if you had pushed them to do anything, chances are not so high you‘d have picked the right things. You might have pushed baseball and chess on them, and they might now be angry that you didn’t make them learn to code instead. Plus there might be additional resentment because forcing humans to do something they don’t like tends to create that.

No one is saying you should push kids to do things without compromising at all. There's a wide spectrum between "leave the kid to figure out all their hobbies themselves" and "require that they do the four hobbies that you've picked for them.

I think it's absolutely healthy to push kids to a certain extent. That extent is just something that's probably different for every kid and activity, and I get that it's probably hard for a parent to figure out when to push and when to give up.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#209

Post by jwilk »

divs1210 wrote: post #29

Off topic: Though Will is better known for his role in Star Trek, my favorite work of his is a low budget film from the 80’s called The Curse. It is an adaptation of HP Lovecraft’s Color Out of Space, and IMO it’s the best Lovecraft adaptation ever made. (trust me, I’ve seen a lot)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Curse_(1987_film)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092809/

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#210

Post by balfirevic »

irrational wrote: post #22
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

Well, your kids are wrong. They imagine enjoying all the benefits in the present, while all the costs are already in the past so they don't properly account for them.

It's just confused thinking on their part (very common, judging by some of the comments here).

(All of this is about "pushing" or "forcing", not about "encouraging", which I believe to be very different).

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