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I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

wilwheaton.net

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Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#61

Post by manmal »

irrational wrote: post #22
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I sympathize. But if you had pushed them to do anything, chances are not so high you‘d have picked the right things. You might have pushed baseball and chess on them, and they might now be angry that you didn’t make them learn to code instead. Plus there might be additional resentment because forcing humans to do something they don’t like tends to create that.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#62

Post by divs1210 »

shkkmo wrote: post #38
divs1210 wrote: post #29

Off topic: Though Will is better known for his role in Star Trek, my favorite work of his is a low budget film from the 80’s called The Curse. It is an adaptation of HP Lovecraft’s Color Out of Space, and IMO it’s the best Lovecraft adaptation ever made. (trust me, I’ve seen a lot)

Will specifically calls out The Curse in the article: > the physical and psychological abuse she witnessed firsthand when she made me and my sister do The Curse. So you comment isn't so much off topic, but is a bit tone deaf.

Ouch.

I’m sorry he had to go through that.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#64

Post by khazhoux »

manmal wrote: post #55
khazhoux wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I begged my parents for an electric guitar and they bought me one. But I didn’t enjoy my first couple of guitar lessons and my parents said “Whatever, quit.” Fast-forward my raging envy in high school at my friends shredding on stage while I could bang out a few chords.

Do you think you‘d be great at guitar, and love playing it, if your parents had forced you to take lessons?

Absolutely. I still played at home, just without a teacher. I improved a tiny amount with all bad technique.

This was the down side of lenient parents who never forced us to do things we didn’t like, and let us quit even things that were good for us.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#65

Post by khazhoux »

manmal wrote: post #61
irrational wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not true. I never pushed my kids and now that they are adults they are angry with my for not pushing them. For example, "Why didn't you make us play sports?" Well, if you had told me you wanted to play sports I would have supported you, but you never said anything. It turns out that kids don't really know have the maturity to do things unless pushed or encouraged by parents. Who knew?

I sympathize. But if you had pushed them to do anything, chances are not so high you‘d have picked the right things. You might have pushed baseball and chess on them, and they might now be angry that you didn’t make them learn to code instead. Plus there might be additional resentment because forcing humans to do something they don’t like tends to create that.

Even pushing baseball, they’d grow up with better physical fitness than sitting at home at day. (Assuming the kid wasn’t already active in something besides baseball)

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#66

Post by manmal »

jay_kyburz wrote: post #16
manmal wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clarification: I‘m talking about self-actualization & leisure time here, not chores. > What is a healthy amount of pushing vs too much? There is no healthy amount of pushing, period. If you stop applying pressure, children will find their own thing, and that’s the best outcome for them. Just make sure they know the possibilities of what they could do. What would you have liked to do instead of learning piano? Did you…

I have a 10 and an 8 year old, and I don't agree that kids will find their own thing. I have to apply a fair amount of pressure to get 20 minutes of reading homework on school nights. I even have to apply some pressure to get them to put their laundry in the basket and put their clean clothes away. There are heaps of things that just aren't that fun but that are actually important.

I agree. I was under the impression that this thread is about self-actualization, and not about chores. But I see how my comment can leave the impression of a wider scope, so I added a clarification at the top.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#67

Post by tgv »

irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

I'm the opposite (although I also watched Star Trek in my youth). My (Western) parents also got me to learn music, and I loved it. Still do. Not that I'm good: I've reached some intermediate difficulty level, but I really enjoy playing the classics, and discovering new music, as well as composing and mucking around with a computer and its incredible sound capabilities. Many like me wouldn't have found the wonderful gift of music, or would have found it very late in life if it hadn't been for our parents, so in a sense, I'm grateful for your offer.

I do agree that one should stop making children do things once it's become obvious that they don't enjoy it. 12 years is too long.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#68

Post by marto1 »

pvorb wrote: post #25
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #6

Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.

You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?

Precisely! I always get an eerie feeling seeing threads like "How to get my 4yo into programming?" reach the top of HN.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#69

Post by kortilla »

pvorb wrote: post #25
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #6

Now think how many children suffered the same fate, but we’ll never hear about it because they did not become famous. Reminds me of “dance moms” or “cheer moms”, “football dads”, etc. If you’re a parent, remember not to live your unfulfilled dreams through your children.

You mean like trying to get your kid into programming, which is a bit more common around here?

You’re not living vicariously through your child if they are just doing the same thing you do for a day job.

Re: I was forced to be a child star. It was never my dream or my idea

#70

Post by satori99 »

nlnn wrote: post #26
irjustin wrote: post #8

Wow Will was such a part of my childhood watching Star Trek. Obviously, he didn't appear often but he was memorable simply because there were so few people as young as him on the show. Sad to hear this all around. This also brought back memories of me being required to play piano growing up. I hated piano, performing (recitals), playing in general. I was terrrribbleee (still am) and was put up in lessons for 12 years…

It's a tough one. If you discover a passion for something as an adult, you'll often wish your parents had pushed you into it as a kid. I feel this way about music, zero education as a kid, started late as an adult, but feel I'll never catch up. Though there's no way of knowing whether I'd have felt the same as a kid, or pushed back against it at the time.

When I was a small child I begged my mother to ask my teacher to excuse me from school music lessons. They were recorder lessons. And 20 children with recorders were giving me a literal headache every week.

My teacher excused me but reached out to my mother with the business card of a piano teacher she knew, as she considered music to be important.

I am eternally grateful that she did, and that I gave it a try, because even though I was never going to concert-grade piano player, it did mean I had enough music theory knowledge to play around meaningfully with early midi sequencers -- and those skills landed me a professional job in radio production straight out of high-school.

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