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On Aging Alone (2021)

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Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#331

Post by mancerayder »

baby wrote: post #214
seydor wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> to eastern asian cultures and indian subcontinent where multi-generational families mean you're never really alone. It's high birth rates that create such culture. Europe and US are not comparable , and over time people will get lonelier and lonelier unless they decide to adjust their way of life around this issue and stop living with 20th century standards. Cities should be designed with the single-person in mind…

The number of people I know who moved to nyc because “they really need a girlfriend at this point” shows how dense cities is the answer for single people

Or the wrong ones. Cities like New York and London are the worst places to date - unless you find yourself in the top percentage of 'attractiveness' which we can loosely define according to contemporary city standards - physical, financial and personality better be strong, and you better be young.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#332

Post by gooeykabuki »

ddhhyy wrote: post #13
jazzythom wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…

Tinder is murder. I'm 39, male, tall, attractive, fit, educated, etc. in a small-midsized city and it's extremely, extremely, rare to get a match. Very occasionally (1-2x/year, in my experience) things progress to a date/hookup. If you really want to use apps, I'd suggest exploring others. I've had the most success (relatively) with Hinge. I'd agree with sibling comment that meeting people out in the world can be a l…

How exactly did you heal yourself? Knowing what you know now, what was most effective?

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#333

Post by JeremyNT »

ca98am79 wrote: post #312
twelve40 wrote: post #303

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I heard this phrase many times, but I really don't understand what it means. Aside from being stated in extremely dogmatic form - like a claim to the ultimate truth - what, exactly, do we learn from this statement? To me (aside from being probably just an incorrect artistic exaggeration), it sounds like something ridiculously trivial, like "all people live different lives, but everyone dies" (ok, so what?) or "we all…

When I first heard this quote it really resonated with me. I think what it means is that unhappy relationships usually take on specific forms, while happy relationship are more generalized.

This is how I always understood it as well, with a bit of an added connotation that the supposed "happy family" doesn't even exist as such. We all can easily see our own particular versions of familial dysfunction, yet we can still look at "happy families" from the outside and assume that they have achieved some platonic ideal that our own family is incapable of.

There isn't really a "happy family" in Ana Karenina, not as such anyway - there are many different characters struggling with their own stations in life in different ways, even being miserable once they seem to achieve their near term goals.

Probably the closest you can get is Levin's self actualization at the end of the novel, but I personally take a pessimistic read on that too - we've seen him spend the entire book meandering and I have trouble reading it at face value that he's really done "settling" on his world view by the end.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#334

Post by gooeykabuki »

ddhhyy wrote: post #13
jazzythom wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

my tinder has been quiet for years. I’m looking for an attractive mate and I’m 1) not that attractive 2) fat 3) bald(ing) 4) old enough to be the father of those I consider 5) not rich or successful (yet) and worst of all if I got the pretty girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I don’t want to be that guy. What I want is to go back in time to when I was young. I guess dating just wasn't in my lot. Everyone gets…

Tinder is murder. I'm 39, male, tall, attractive, fit, educated, etc. in a small-midsized city and it's extremely, extremely, rare to get a match. Very occasionally (1-2x/year, in my experience) things progress to a date/hookup. If you really want to use apps, I'd suggest exploring others. I've had the most success (relatively) with Hinge. I'd agree with sibling comment that meeting people out in the world can be a l…

also drop your email in your profile.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#335

Post by thoms_a »

refurb wrote: post #193
Gigachad wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Listen to yourself. When you start talking about the signal to noise ratio and calculating the return on investment of social interactions, its time to step away from the keyboard and reevaluate your life. Your brain has been fried by hustle culture.

Very Gigachad comment, Gigachad! The most relaxing time for me is going back to the small beach town where my surviving parent retired. The pace is slow . It takes a few days for me to downshift from a “fit everything in you wanted to do” to the “lets see what the day brings” mindset. You might go for a walk, run into a friend and decide to just stop by for a coffee for an hour and catch up. After that? Who knows. Ma…

Well said. I'd also add that life has stages. YC-style hyper growth startup culture is suited for the young and ambitious. As we age, that immense drive of youth gradually declines. So it makes sense to use that energy productively while it's there for a chance at outlier success. But there is an age at which the slow and consistent life you've described becomes far more preferable to the constant hustle .

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#336

Post by thoms_a »

randomhodler84 wrote: post #285
baby wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re never going to find mr or ms right

I know, but I don’t care. I also believe that having children is deeply unethical given the state of the world. Birthing new humans into this dystopian hellscape we find ourselves in is torture. Humans waste far too much of their time on unproductive persists like relationships and families. Nobody outside these structures cares what is achieved and rightfully so, human influenced by neurochemicals to influence behav…

I know your line of reasoning is not popular, but I would like to add some nuance.

The empirical reality of this situation is that societies directed towards the maximization of individual desires (or "rights") will tend to be in conflict with creation and sustenance of communal societies. As such, we're seeing the breakdown of relationships, marriages, communities and even nations via social atomization. This is the result of liberal philosophy followed to its logical conclusion. The individual reigns supreme, and thus the community suffers.

Traditional societies throughout history had strategies for building families and maintaining communities, but the liberal West deems these anachronistic. We want to have our cake and eat it too, and we're learning this is simply not possible.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#337

Post by didericis »

Kiro wrote: post #329
didericis wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think companionship can be commodified, and I think any attempt to do so would be the equivalent of an opiate. While there may be specific contexts where it could have utility, I think it's far healthier to encourage those who lack the inclination or willingness to join communities to do so. That's why I mentioned leadership. I think we have a responsibility to give lots of opportunities and encouragement for…

If I lack willingness it's because I don't want to. Why are you trying to force me to do something I don't want? Just let me have the AI companion I long for.

There are multiple reasons why people might be unwilling to cure their loneliness with others, most of which I think relate to past rejection, lack of willingness to adapt and/or incompatibility with the people around them.

I’m not advocating force to address those issues. If you want an AI companion instead of people then that’s your choice. I just think it’s a poor substitute for actual human companionship and will not engender positive growth.

I keep coming back to the narcotic analogy. They have their place, and people are going to do what they’re going to do, but I don’t think encouraging the widespread use of narcotics in the future is a great idea.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#338

Post by wnolens »

randomhodler84 wrote: post #285
baby wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’re never going to find mr or ms right

I know, but I don’t care. I also believe that having children is deeply unethical given the state of the world. Birthing new humans into this dystopian hellscape we find ourselves in is torture. Humans waste far too much of their time on unproductive persists like relationships and families. Nobody outside these structures cares what is achieved and rightfully so, human influenced by neurochemicals to influence behav…

> Nobody outside these structures cares

Oof. Is that how you determine what is worth doing?

I think it's more accurate to say that nobody cares about anyone else OUTSIDE of personal relationships.

> Meanwhile some people are building things, yourself included, that have never existed before and push humanity forward.

Nah. We're just twiddling our fingers on keyboard until we die or have sufficient padding from the current economic climate. So SO much less worth doing than loving another person and providing the support for them to be their best self. Or raising a child to start with the knowledge and resources which took you a lifetime to learn the hard way.

To be frank, it sounds like you deeply want to be loved by others and yet avoid the only way to get it. I'm sorry.

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