Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#211

Post by sokoloff » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:07 AM UTC

I think there’s significant sampling bias at play.

When you’re talking with someone in person, it’s probably because of some relationship you have to them (neighbors, friends, school or work relationships).

Online interactions are much more self-selecting, meaning I’d expect people in those conversations to be more passionate about the topic(s).

If someone is disinterested in a topic in real life, you get an obvious signal of their disinterest. If someone is disinterested online, they dematerialize and are replaced by an online NPC who is, on average, quite a bit more interested than the typical person.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#212

Post by em-bee » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:12 AM UTC

accountofme wrote: post #209

em-bee wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

but online the relationship has the reverse effect. if i know someone in person, or at least have developed a deeper online relationship (through remote collaboration for example) i am going to treat time like i would in person, whereas if i don't know them as i don't know you it becomes much easier to say "you are wrong!" because i don't have to fear your negative reaction. as you say here, anonymity allows for a ce…

The difference is danger. The internet, when you are safe and sound in your home saying what ever shit you want with close to zero chance of getting punched in the face for it. Talking to someone on the street is different, you mouth off and there is a high chance you will get beaten, thus we are more polite. This is 2 dogs interacting but my thoughts are that it is similiar. In this metaphore the internet is the gat…

i don't know where you live, and maybe the wild west was like that, but in the rest of the civilized world, physical violence is rather frowned upon, so the risk for it to happen unexpectedly is really quite low, unless i am talking to someone who is already unhinged. otherwise we would have to have had a serious argument that escalated to a shouting match before physical violence becomes even remotely a risk factor.

as they like to say in china: don't start a fight, if you loose you go to the hospital, if you win, you go to prison

as i stated nearby, just the risk of changing your mood because i disagree with you, as this comment might do, is deterrent enough to have me try to make my point in a more friendly way.

this comment is intentionally snarky, because i feel the idea of physical violence as a risk just doesn't fit into my understanding of the world.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#213

Post by serf » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:14 AM UTC

UncleEntity wrote: post #86

OnionBlender wrote: post #76

Uncritical of what? I avoid talking about religion and politics with everyone (family, co-workers, acquaintance) for obvious reasons. Ignoring those hot button issues, I still need to be careful not to be critical of people. - At work I've had a co-worker nearly get fired for telling another she "doesn't know what she's talking about". He got "written up" but ended up finding a better job a short time later. - At wor…

— Some family members get super offended if you make any kind of suggestion on how they can fix a given problem. Some members of the species aren’t really looking for a fix when they are complaining about something but just need to vent. Life is much simpler if you simply nod and say “oh, that’s horrible”.

>Life is much simpler if you simply nod and say “oh, that’s horrible”.

that's one way to simplify things, but I'm glad that altruistic individuals who actually want to lift a finger to help still exist; albeit rare.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#214

Post by plaguepilled » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:21 AM UTC

I think dishonesty is a lot easier to detect online, so manipulative behaviour gets crowd-regulated quicker. Which, IMO, is good. Hacker News does it too.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#215

Post by nsonha » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:25 AM UTC

Because the internet is async, people have time to think and/or choose to be on communities to discuss issues. "Real people" actually have other things to do when you try to engage them.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#216

Post by em-bee » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:29 AM UTC

lazide wrote: post #161

bityard wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> On social media, thousands see your post That's either wildly optimistic, or most people spend a lot more time building up their online persona than I do.

How many do you think read this reply? At least that many, I'd wager.

that is actually an interesting question. it would be nice to see some statistics of how many people viewed the discussions, like the number of comments and upvotes.

maybe dang could give us an idea about the average number of views related to number of comments and votes.

is it 10 to one? 100 to 1? is it a similar factor for most stories? actually, i don't think it's linear because higher upvoted stories have a higher likelihood of being read because some of us use tools to only see stories with a high vote threshold

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#217

Post by ham-sandwich » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:36 AM UTC

3qz wrote: post #28

The main reason is that almost all content online comes from people who are mentally ill. Commenting or creating anything online is really weird. Normal people don't do this, so you're interacting with a very different group of people on your computer than in real life. > people in real life seem so much more complacent and uncritical compared to people online This is just to avoid conflict. I'm sure they feel the sa…

This seems deeply correct. Do you have an idea why it seems half the people on Reddit and twitter are trans?

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#218

Post by t-3 » Mon, May 16, 2022, 1:56 AM UTC

em-bee wrote: post #212

accountofme wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The difference is danger. The internet, when you are safe and sound in your home saying what ever shit you want with close to zero chance of getting punched in the face for it. Talking to someone on the street is different, you mouth off and there is a high chance you will get beaten, thus we are more polite. This is 2 dogs interacting but my thoughts are that it is similiar. In this metaphore the internet is the gat…

i don't know where you live, and maybe the wild west was like that, but in the rest of the civilized world, physical violence is rather frowned upon, so the risk for it to happen unexpectedly is really quite low, unless i am talking to someone who is already unhinged. otherwise we would have to have had a serious argument that escalated to a shouting match before physical violence becomes even remotely a risk factor.…

> i feel the idea of physical violence as a risk just doesn't fit into my understanding of the world.

If you don't purposely act as a rude and offensive person in real life you probably wouldn't encounter violence. If you are the type of person who levels insults and slurs, argues about religion or politics, or makes accusations of misconduct, you may encounter violence. As a rule, "upper class" people have codes of politeness and don't do these things, but it's not necessarily so for others.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#219

Post by HKH2 » Mon, May 16, 2022, 2:04 AM UTC

narag wrote: post #94

HKH2 wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Befriending someone makes it easier to convince them of something.

Not sure why you think I want to convince anybody. The original poster asked why people seems so conformist IRL, as oppossed to online. I just explained that most people learned that being Don Quixote is dangerous.

Sure. My point is that you can do it but it takes time; social etiquette is not just a formality.

Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?

#220

Post by HKH2 » Mon, May 16, 2022, 2:06 AM UTC

swayvil wrote: post #190

narag wrote: post #41

It's impossible to convince most people of even the most obvious truths. The wisest path is to fake agreement, keep your thoughts for yourself and move away ASAP. Online it seems you can get away with more honest talk without consequences. Or at least it used to. Now it's getting more like offline.

For some, agreement is submission and defeat, which cannot be tolerated. So word games happen. Word games are a big thing here, in the land of words, disconnected from reality. We can argue literally anything. Black is white, up is down, desirable is undesirable, disease is health. Thus we get a lot of bullshit. Science is one great shovel for clearing that away.

Science is also subject to word games.