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The Agony of Eros: Dating

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Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#181

Post by insickness »

MezzoDelCammin wrote: post #155
TheOtherHobbes wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think if anything it underthinks it. It has turned into a Game Theory kind of problem. Dating sites used to have a lot of compatibility questions - I think OK Cupid still does - and they were useful for filtering by values. But filtering by communication styles is much harder, and I don't think anyone has attempted it. The core of the problem is that everyone is playing by different rules. You have no idea what the…

Well, IMO if You apply Game Theory on Your dating life, You'll ultimately end up dating a Game Theorist. I get that it's possible, You definitely can "game" the current dating scene, but the question I keep asking myself is "why do that". Personally, I value curiosity. If I see someone trying to game /optimize their dating profiles, it's a huge turn off for me simply because it wipes out a lot of possibilities and un…

By looking like you're not "gaming" your profile, you're gaming your profile. This is like saying you don't like people who care so much about how they look, yet you bathe, don't wear rags, etc. It's human nature to care about presentation and optimize for how we present ourselves.

Whether consciously or not, you're still playing the game if you're out dating. You're trying to get the best mate you possibly can while others are doing the same. You're not dating the ugliest, stupidest, most boring, low-status people you can find, even though that would be easiest. Welcome to the game.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#182

Post by solenoidalslide »

immigrantheart wrote: post #124
blfr wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most women are now in worse shape than the generations before them were at the same age. They may be obsessed with their physiques but mostly because this is a major failing point and obesity epidemic is real.

It is mostly for western/rich countries I think. Asian countries (rich and poor) still don't suffer from obesity.

Do you have any evidence to support that claim?

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#183

Post by bell-cot »

jdrc wrote: post #82
enw wrote: post #60

Hot take: men don’t want promiscuous women as long-term partners, fundamentally people desire long-term partners, and the commoditization of sex contributes to weak relationships and broken families.

Hotter take: men don't want long-term partners period, monogamy is social conditioning because it leads to stable and more successful settlements.

Ah... On the "men...want..." part, are you interested in what actual individual human men really want? Or just in a very simplistic, macho stereotype - which few men are likely to voice disagreement with, when it is repeatedly and forcefully voiced, in the context of a society where men often face harsh punishments (social and/or physical) for having non-conformist feeling on subjects like sex. And generally worse if they actually try to voice those feelings.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#184

Post by gigaflop »

benrapscallion wrote: post #67
fxtentacle wrote: post #9

I believe this very nicely ties in with "No one expects young men to do anything and they are responding by doing nothing" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31143279 We have turned sexual partners into an affluent commodity, thanks to apps. With a bit of paid boosting, you can show your profile to 1000+ potential partners and surely a few of them will have a favorable first impression. We've also successfully refr…

Humans don’t have a functional vomeronasal organ to sense pheromones, only a nose. And hence no functional pheromone signaling. This is abjectly incorrect information.

Anecdata of 1, but I've (in hindsight) realized that certain feminine smells seem to skip my nose and hit buttons directly in my brain, so to speak.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#185

Post by solenoidalslide »

ZephyrBlu wrote: post #175
hhjinks wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If we reframe this into societal terms, so that this doesn't get dragged into a "not all men want that" argument, why is it that most modern societies had/has rigid, monogamous family units? There are stereotypes for both promiscuous men and women, and clearly there's some degree of promiscuity in both genders. But the (vast?) majority of societies also adopted monogamous family units for most social classes. If men…

1) Societal stability 2) Most men are not capable of being promiscuous, even if they want to be

I think you meant to say that most men are not capable of polygamy? I would very much think that most men are capable of promiscuity.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#186

Post by durnygbur »

meerita wrote: post #58

The author clearly didn't studied the matter and she's speaking from personal and enviroment-she-can-perceive point of view, no offense with this part. After reading the entire post, I can see she's biased with her own perception on the matter. Reading other articles, who are also biased just make it worse. When you look at the data, you realize the dating world for men is close to doom. Only a small fraction of men…

> These men sustain Tinder economy, for example, as all the algorithms are made just to milk men money just to land some opportunity of attractions.

This goes even lower and darker. As a man pays for gold, platinium and gains infinite swipes, one discovers it's mostly profiles of scams, outright asking for money, proposals of findom, some women or fake profiles toying with you purely for their entertainment. A man doesn't even get sex for the money.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#187

Post by bell-cot »

xupybd wrote: post #64

I skipped all this being religious. I knew my wife for years. Over a year we started to hit it off and got to know each other as good friends. I asked her out and proposed one week later. Four months later we were married. It's old fashioned but our emotional and physical involvement was proportional to our level of commitment at every stage. It won't be the way most people want to go but it seems to have saved much…

So long as both partner's actual wants and feelings aren't too far off script (which sadly can be difficult, dangerous, or impossible to voice in many religious contexts), that is a vastly more efficient system.

In many ways, I see the huge, oft-miserable mess that we have now as a reaction to the too-often simplistic and callous imposition of that old religious system.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#188

Post by vmception »

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

> - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones.

This is a tale much older than social media or the internet. At this point we have bred for this predisposition. We’ll probably be better of acknowledging that.

Everything else you wrote is not new either.

US divorce rates hit an all time high in 1981 and has basically plateau’d. The divorce rate is skewed higher because of people in their teens and twenties (but still a bad, uninsurable, bet even if it was down to 10% or 5% for some populations). What can you possibly ascribe to social media?

Making out with random people for fun and/or attention is not new. This is the most peculiar post.

Social media is reflecting and perpetuating existing culture at best, if thats what you can come up with.

We have enough other reasons to vilify social media than ascribing ongoing and preexisting realities (that even happened actually more frequently beforehand!) to it

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#189

Post by immigrantheart »

jawarner wrote: post #121
immigrantheart wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see, well I'm not part of the cool kids then.

Do you really think dating used to be easy? I fail to see how "dating apps and social media" is the direct cause of the problems you mention, or that any of those problems are new to society.

yes, I think dating used to be easier.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#190

Post by virtualritz »

xyzzy4747 wrote: post #179
virtualritz wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

TLDR; Extrapolating both your points you should thus only have one partner for life. And never leave the house (just use delivery apps/wear an ABC suit when opening the door of your house to receive deliveries). The first objection you listed contains all the reasons to use protection. In general. I live in Berlin. A city where open/poly relationships are perfectly normal and common. The bday party I went to last Sat…

Berliners are a weird group culturally. This is the same bunch of people that went on an anti-Semitic and racist bender and massacred millions of people across Europe. I don’t think they are a good example of how life should be lived. Weird/crazy people being weird. Everything is acceptable to Berliners.

I can't find that funny. I have Jewish ancestry and never met my grandfather because of those criminals.

I assume you are joking because comparing Berlin 2022 with Berlin during the third reich can only either be a joke or an absence of basic understanding of European history between now and then so flabbergasting that it borders on imbecility.

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