The Agony of Eros: Dating • Hacker News Board

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#71

Post by xupybd » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:19 AM UTC

jdrc wrote: post #55

jll29 wrote: post #38

This post gets it wrong already in the headline. At least if your happiness (instead of short-term satisfaction) is your objective, it's not about love but about love. Let me explain: the headline mentions "eros" for love, which is one of several (Greek) words for love, but focusing on physical erotics (lust). Nothing wrong with lust per se, but lust considered in isolation can be a selfish thing. Now "agape", anothe…

Eros did not just represent lust but also love. Agape is a context more limited to christianity, which kind of has anti-sexual overtone. But there were many Erotes representing all kinds of desire and attraction > Anteros ("Love Returned"),[1] Hedylogos ("Sweet-talk"), Hermaphroditus ("Hermaphrodite" or "Effeminate"), Himeros ("Impetuous Love" or "Pressing Desire"), Hymenaios ("Bridal-Hymn"), and Pothos ("Desire, Lon…

Really there is Greek specific to Christian use? That's interesting.

I'll have to look into that. It makes sense that different groups used different worlds. There are English terms like sanctification that you don't hear outside Christian circles.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#72

Post by WJW » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:19 AM UTC

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

Honestly this entire list was happening 20 years ago as well, although the Excel sheets were paper notebooks instead. Young people are going to experiment and make rash decisions that they regret later. That is just a part of growing up and has very little to do with social media or dating apps.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#73

Post by benrapscallion » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:19 AM UTC

fxtentacle wrote: post #57

smeej wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is true, but hormonal birth control all but destroys the innate ability to do this correctly. Most hormonal birth control functions by putting the body into a hormonal state that mimics pregnancy. If you're already carrying a baby, what you've evolved to look for in people to become close to during that time is actually people who are genetically more like you, rather than complementary. If for some reason you d…

wow TIL. But yeah, that intuitively makes sense. "Factorial ANOVA results showed that the group of nonpill users obtained higher scores on the PMI scale than the group of pill users (considering the fertile phase of the cycle)." where PMI = Partner's Masculinity Index https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S17436... In short, pill birth control reduced the desirability of features considered traditiona…

You TIL’d a lot of incorrect information. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vomeronasal_organ

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#74

Post by Zababa » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:19 AM UTC

beebeepka wrote: post #21

I cannot relate with the whole "dating" thing one bit. It's not just that I am old now. All I hear is "apps" and silly comments on "how we this and that". I'd go as far as saying avoid people who spew things like "we" on the internet. It's crap. They don't know you, and you don't know them. Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love. Don't fall into this app dating thing. It's a trap. Why else would th…

> Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love.

The issue with going to bars is that you meet the kind of people that go to bars looking for love. I don't go to bars looking for love, and I doubt I would have much in common with someone who does. The same thing applies to dating apps by the way, I've never used one and don't plan on using one.

I've met all my best friends by following my interests in a relatively social space. This ensures that I have something in common with the people I meet, and filters people to be people closer to me than people going to bars or using dating apps.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#75

Post by fxtentacle » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:19 AM UTC

benrapscallion wrote: post #67

fxtentacle wrote: post #9

I believe this very nicely ties in with "No one expects young men to do anything and they are responding by doing nothing" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31143279 We have turned sexual partners into an affluent commodity, thanks to apps. With a bit of paid boosting, you can show your profile to 1000+ potential partners and surely a few of them will have a favorable first impression. We've also successfully refr…

Humans don’t have a functional vomeronasal organ to sense pheromones, only a nose. And hence no functional pheromone signaling. This is abjectly incorrect information.

University of Chicago disagrees: https://journals.plos.org/plosgenetics/article?id=10.1371/jo...

EDIT: actually, they show that humans can somehow perceive MHC compatibility. So you might be correct in that I'm wrong on the delivery mechanism and pheromones aren't being used.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#76

Post by immigrantheart » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:20 AM UTC

antihero wrote: post #62

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

What exactly is “messed up” about open relationships and making out with strangers?

Seems like an oxymoron to me.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#77

Post by TheOtherHobbes » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:20 AM UTC

librish wrote: post #32

djbebs wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tbh ghosting isn't as bad as saying one thing and then making excuses to not go through it. I've been on dates where I thought it went well, I got the "let's do this again", and then whenever I suggested "let's do it again on X day?" I get excuses. If they don't want to that's fine, they don't even have to say no just don't reply! But the leading on is annoying...

I think you might be interpreting this wrong. The "let's do this again" after the date is meaningless, that's just a social nicety no matter how the date went. When you ask them out and they give an excuse and no alternative I would interpret that as she didn't think the date went that well. Which leaves you with a couple of options: If you also were ambivalent about the date you now have the option of just fading ou…

The phrase used to be "Actions speak louder than words."

If someone is perpetually unavailable, they're perpetually unavailable.

Of course it's clearer if the other person says "I just don't think we're a good match", but actionable ambiguity is much more common.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#78

Post by mancerayder » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:20 AM UTC

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

Every single item (minus Excel) was quite familiar before even the Internet, forget dating apps/sites.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#79

Post by [deleted] » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:20 AM UTC

immigrantheart wrote: post #56

Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. - People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends. - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some…

[deleted]

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#80

Post by SamoyedFurFluff » Mon, May 02, 2022, 10:21 AM UTC

fxtentacle wrote: post #35

astrange wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

nb you said "typically" but the study says "some", and doesn't comment on if it's typical for any larger groups. For myself, can't say 23AndMe has ever asked if I think my partner smells good. Unless you meant female animals.

Yes, with "females can typically smell" I meant that this is widely accepted as true in the animal kingdom. For humans, the effect appears to be there, but we don't have any stronger evidence. Then again, this might be unpopular to research due to its social implications.

> Then again, this might be unpopular to research due to its social implications.

In the contrary I would suspect that being able to identify the specific chemical combinations that would make you hot would sell like crazy and there’s already snake oil on the market for this.