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Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

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Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#341

Post by thiago_fm »

weakfish wrote: post #232
thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

Repeating what others have said, but as the person in question. I'm incredibly depressed in the sense that I struggle to find motivation to achieve fairly basic tasks such as laundry, feeding myself, etc + extremely numbed emotions, but I am high functioning through a combination of anxiety and force of will (I'm graduating with a decent GPA from a state school with a job lined up). It can be highly invisible; in fac…

Are you diagnosed, need to take medicine, is it chronic, do you need to visit your doctor frequently and have a lot of problems, even social issues...?

If not, then you don't have depression, you are just sad/bored like most of the people in this world and is misusing a word and kind of downplaying on depression.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#342

Post by thiago_fm »

Trasmatta wrote: post #92
thiago_fm wrote: post #70

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…

> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly hi…

Are you a psychiatrist?

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#343

Post by CodeWriter23 »

I hit a similar point (without the 8 figure sale of my startup) in my early 30’s. My mentor advised me to go get a copy of “Illusions” and hike up a local mountain to read it. It didn’t get me all the way to where I am today some 20 years later but it certainly changed my perspective on things in a foundational way.

Sounds like you need a challenge. Kinda like Steve Jobs walking back into Apple for $1/yr salary. Gun to the head + Guns to the deck, speaking metaphorically.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#346

Post by tasuki »

greenhorn123 wrote: post #19

You probably won't like this answer, but most people are lost in one way or another, they just put a brave face on it and pretend that they know what they are doing and why they are doing it. Find some older people to talk to and see how they managed getting through this phase, that will get you a lot further than talking to peers or younger people.

> You probably won't like this answer, but most people are lost in one way or another

The alternative is having lots of problems and being in an objectively bad situation. If you're just feeling lost, it means you have solved most of your problems - congrats! I find it never really gets much easier, or much harder.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#347

Post by lljk_kennedy »

omalleyt wrote: post #268

Yes, you have reached the zenith of your career. Congratulations. You are self-sufficient and able to provide for the financial needs of your family. This is a true victory. Now, it is time to focus on people other than yourself. Most other advice on here is awful; it amounts to different directions to run on the hedonic treadmill. Instead, you have to give back now. What good is there to be done, that only you could…

100%. This dude has hit the endgame and has the freedom of financial independence. Time to open the alpaca farm, or the breakfast cafe.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#348

Post by thiago_fm »

airstrike wrote: post #189
czbond wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work. There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy work…

> It is ok for your hobby to be work. I disagree and I also don't think watching TV qualifies as a hobby. Hobbies are something you set out to actively do and you're OK being mediocre at. Sort of like a pretend-job where there's no real pressure, only the joy of experimenting with it. Almost by definition, you want to excel at work. You're worried about promotions, being fired, hitting your goals, getting the comp nu…

100% true, it is exactly what I've meant with my comment.

Well, there is a lot of people that die everyday having wasted all their lives working and hating themselves because they've never made time for themselves, even if they could afford to.

As hacker news has a bunch of hustle culture bros, such argument doesn't resonate much here, it is sad to say, but even though this community motivate a lot of individuals to take charge of their lives and get into entrepreneurship, innovation and great contributions to society, at the same time, some people also end up getting trapped by money/compensation and pointless work, doing stupid shit they dislike or doesn't like as much and many divorces and sad stories, which are very rarely shared here.

OP has mentioned that he is basically done with his obligations in life and is sad, and then this cryptobro comes here to talk shit that those hustlers do.

If you want to waste your life doing amateur climbing, bowling or doing art and living off tips and being homeless, AND YOU ENJOY IT, this is what you should be doing. There will be always the Elon Musk's that will have 10 kids, 15 wives, 7 girlfriends and a couple hundred billions, you don't need to become another one.

It is the humanities, arts etc that make us humans and gives meaning to our existence in the universe. It isn't shooting fucking rockets to space.

Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

#350

Post by cdicelico »

alcover wrote: post #257
cdicelico wrote: post #171

There is no zenith. Own your life. Get out of your head. Everything you've done up to this point has only been a prelude to whatever you choose to do next. If you choose to see those years as your zenith and stop doing anything, that's on you, it's not because you've supposedly reached some mythical temporal horizon. You've accrued experiences, skills, wisdom, perspective, understanding, relationships, and resources.…

> Our culture unfortunately worships youth Yes. This cult burns everything around it. The word 'wisdom' is rarely uttered, and even sounds ancient.

Agree. The way I see it, not being in my 20s is an edge, not a liability. I don't have to suffer all the things young people are about to because I've already been through that part of my life. There's a lot you don't have to worry about any more once you get to the other side of it. Plus, I've had plenty of years to make mistakes and have a better sense of who I am (and who I'm not) and what I want (and what I emphatically don't) than ever. In my 20's everything was about screwing and appearances and destroying the old; now it's all about Love, Beauty, and Creation.

There's just no question to me—life really doesn't even begin to be amazing until all the noise quiets down sometime in the 30s–40s. That stage is important, we NEED to burn hot through that period and it's important, but it's by absolutely no means whatsoever some kind of "peak"—that idea is so much bullshit.

If there is such a thing as a "peak", I feel like it's probably more accurately something like the 50s, with a long tail through the 60s and beyond. Those decades make up (imo) the window where you can bring all the things you've lived to bear and live the culmination of all your insights—powerful stuff.

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