A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…
Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
321–330 of 452 posts
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#322Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#323I'm in my late 20s, but I noticed that people live as if they are forever. They spend half of their life working for survival, preparing and planning for their (!) future. Some people die in the process and never live to see that future, but some people reach that point and become aware of the finite time that just elapsed. Having physical needs met is trivial in our society. Everything beyond is self imposed sufferi…
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#324- buy and renovate a house in my town for my mother to live in as often as she is able to (she lives far away, with a separate family)
- take my mother to the country her family emigrated from, for a nice long trip
- spend a year in the country my wife is from, getting to know her extended family far better than I do
- run for local office in my rural community in order to fight for safer bike and pedestrian access to roadways
- spend a year or so studying to homeschool my daughter (if you want to learn something, try to teach it)
- get involved with a really cool local youth outdoor adventure group, perhaps even find a way to get hired (insurance!)
- identify the most effective means to tackle voter suppression tactics and fund it and otherwise help implement it
- build a wooden boat
- take my hobby fermentation hobby to a retail level, if not a distribution level
- go deep, in one way or another, on any one of the open source projects I am super interested in
- learn to play one of the instruments I put down as a kid (long list!)
- build or/and run a parenting community site that doesn't exist where I live
The grass is always greener, but boy would I love the ability to drop my busywork that pays the mortgage and do some of the above. Maybe, if you imagine yourself in my shoes, you can come up with some ideas that get you excited.
> I feel like I've hit my zenith already
I peaked in high school, and I realized that long ago. The company of a group that cares if you are on your way up is probably not going to give you much solace.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#325A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#326Some readings, which have been helpful for me (I'm also in my 40's):
https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-rauch-happiness-...
https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theatlantic.com%2F...
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/327097311_You_Only_... (particularly starting at pg. 37)
Bottom line: this is a natural transitionary period. To make it successful requires embracing that.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#327I don't know much about you, so it's not appropriate to tell you what to do.
Speaking from my own experience, I've prioritized work over just about everything else.
And I regret it.
I'm lost now because I haven't had enough 'life inputs' along the way to help me understand how I should live life. How I should spend time.
But in the past two years, I've come to term that I don't want to work forever.
So I started imagining my life after 45... starting with where I want to live. And it's not the U.S.A. Then I'm going to figure it out from there.
I've learned that I cannot "Agile" "Incrementally improve" my out of things.
I need a bigger external shock.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#328Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#329A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…
This is not a problem of therapy, but a question of meaning. We need meaning in live. And for a long time religion gave that. But we threw that out. We now try to get "profesional therapy help". But it hardly has any scientific backing, and no one but religion has been able (even though it fails often) been offer te give any deeper answer to the question to "whats the meaning of it all". The best solutions people lik…
Do you have any religious affinity, @0414throwaway? What's your story there?
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#330You need something transcendent, a bigger goal that keep you engaged in live, something big enough that inspire you, that you might never complete.
It could be art or technology or religion but I think it need to be something.
I am a bit in the same doldrum. It look like you are a builder and might need something to build, to be productive to be happy.
Also:
-friends -wife -family -kids -job/career -hobby/fun activities
Those are the normal component of life for 90% of people. Look to see if something simple is missing in the list, work on that.