Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost

There is a lot to comment on here, but I'm going to look at this: > Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do

This isn't true. I'm sorry the person you're living with is having a hard time getting out of bed, but there are a lot of people out there who have very severe depression who are "successful". What you describe is just one form that depression can take.

Some of the rest of what you wrote has merit. To be honest, it just sounds like OP doesn't have a fully developed sense of self (very common, esp for people in his generation). If they connect with who they are, and pivot their philosophy in life to connect with what's important to them (their values) they should at least feel a little better. This is where working with a therapist can be helpful. I'd specifically think ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) would be helpful in a situation like this. But, I'll leave the therapy stuff to therapy people.

Caveat: this here website has about as much chance as giving you good advice as a post on a motorcycle or knitting forum. Maybe even less likely as people here are likely to share your pathologies. If you want above-average advice, you should be talking to qualified therapists.

I do note some interesting things about how you present your problem. You devoted an entire paragraph to your success and comfort. And in passing you mention that for a long time you've been rather morbid about your personal prospects past middle age. For someone who wants to talk about their depression, you'd think the emphasis there should be reversed.

I'm not saying you're bragging, I just think this indicates some potentially distorted thinking. Which is a huge opportunity for getting you out of this mess.

Some questions you might want to raise with a therapist: why did you think you'd be dead past 40 and why did you embrace that idea? Why do you present "the Wife" as the only opposition to that? You use a trope almost like your wife disapproves of you indulging in a vice, like trips to Vegas, but we're talking about the literal end of your existence.

I guarantee you'll discover interesting things, especially if your therapist uses processes like CBT and ACT, which are all about debugging your thoughts and assumptions. Also, some advice: lots of people call themnselves therapists or counselors, but I've found that those with advanced degrees are much better than not.

Ever run a marathon? I know it sounds daft but I know a bunch of people who don't need to work any more, and they all got into triathlons, Ironmans etc. They're all crazy about it. They usually have 2 per year but there's plenty of small events during the year that fill up the calendar. It's a social circle, a fitness club and a support group. My brother in law has been part of that scene for years, and after my sis died a few years ago, they helped pull him through it, hauling his ass out for runs and cycles. He even gets business through it.

I think an important part about therapy is the fact that you really do have to be willing to jump around a bit before you find a therapist who you are comfortable with.

All the therapists I've come across have been excellent at what they do. Yet, therapy is a 2 way process, and if anything, demands more of the patient than it does of the therapist. So if things are not working out definitely try someone else.

you've been dealt all the good cards (money, wife, house, no kids). you can literally do whatever makes you happy. you wanna go somewhere new? you wanna learn a language? move to another country? learn how to play the guitar? change jobs? change careers? the possibilities are endless. go crazy. think what would you like to try and try it.

it sounds crazy but i get ideas for things i wanna try from TV series (specifically, holiday destinations). i've been watching a lot of Netflix lately lol