Like others mentioned, I see a resume. I think taking a step back and consider alternative measures of contentment. The set of all things that make people "happy" might include things that you've previously ignored or disregarded because it had nothing to do with your professional advancement. Give it a try. Bad example: it might be as simple as taking ballroom dancing lessons or picking up golf, who knows.
Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
251–260 of 452 posts
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#252A lot of comments have said "stay in therapy" or "quit therapy", but my immediate reaction is that maybe you have the wrong (ineffective) therapist and need to switch . My spidey sense went up when you mentioned what "you told your therapist", full stop. I was at least expecting "what my therapist responded" or "what my therapist told me that didn't work". That really (spidey sense, no evidence really) implies that y…
This is not a problem of therapy, but a question of meaning.
We need meaning in live. And for a long time religion gave that. But we threw that out. We now try to get "profesional therapy help". But it hardly has any scientific backing, and no one but religion has been able (even though it fails often) been offer te give any deeper answer to the question to "whats the meaning of it all".
The best solutions people like Robbins or J. Peterson offer are: just keep running so you don't think about it.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#253You basically need to re-evaluate what gives you "purpose". For me it would be leaving tech and doing something else for a time; anything from janitorial work to welding to carpentry or ideally something outdoors (nursery?). One thing I thoroughly enjoy doing is volunteer work. I helped build houses for Habitat for Humanity and it was extremely fulfilling. I think if you have the opportunity to work part-time and retain your health insurance, find something you'd be interested in volunteering for that would give you that sense of purpose again.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#254Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.…
I'm 32, wish often enough to not live, think about unfairness around the globe.
I'm often enough dreading work.
My work ethic is very high, it is my hobby and I'm really good at it.
So if that's not being depressed, I'm just realistic?
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#255I’ll be blunt: It’s the height of egotism to believe you’ve seen it all. There’s always something new to explore and understand. Curiosity is the opposite of ennui, which it sounds like is what you have. You finally have the freedom to do things because they’re interesting, not because you need the money. Make the most of that golden opportunity!
If you need some inspiration, consider this comic: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2012-09-02
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#256I'm in my late 20s, but I noticed that people live as if they are forever.
They spend half of their life working for survival, preparing and planning for their (!) future.
Some people die in the process and never live to see that future, but some people reach that point and become aware of the finite time that just elapsed.
Having physical needs met is trivial in our society. Everything beyond is self imposed suffering by comparing oneself to others.
But for what purpose? Just to have more than someone else? Just to be better than someone else?
Nobody truly cares. Nobody cares about how fancy the technology is that someone built to make people click more ads online - even if that someone thinks he is doing god's work.
We came to this earth naked and we will leave naked. Just like my parents did. Any material possessions and people will be left behind. Most of us will be forgotten 2 generations ahead or end up as UTF-8 characters on wikipedia.
I can at least walk joyfully in the present and not suffer my imagination about the future. I can also make a conscious choice to not indulge in activities that destroy the planet for others. I don't think the older generations see it the way I do.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#257There is no zenith. Own your life. Get out of your head. Everything you've done up to this point has only been a prelude to whatever you choose to do next. If you choose to see those years as your zenith and stop doing anything, that's on you, it's not because you've supposedly reached some mythical temporal horizon. You've accrued experiences, skills, wisdom, perspective, understanding, relationships, and resources.…
> Our culture unfortunately worships youth
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#258Find God... I'm going out on a limb and will guess you don't have kids and your not religious... tell me if I'm wrong. You need purpose. you're the first year pro quarterback who wins the Super Bowl. You peaked too soon. What's left? We're not designed to be fulfilled through material riches. Your satisfaction in your work has run its course and you still have an emptiness inside you can't fill. Having children gives…
What does find God really mean? Just start believing in something I don't believe in? How does having found God fill your life with purpose or drive?
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#259If you're in the position financially to choose what you work on and not care about compensation, I have to say that's a very enviable place to be.
You obviously have talent and drive. Your problem now is you have nothing to direct them towards.
Perhaps you've noticed, the world is pretty fucked up right now. Why not get involved in something that matters? A nonprofit. Politics. Activism. Think a lot about what your talents could do to make a difference in the world if you apply them in the right place. It doesn't have to be a huge difference. Maybe you help a few families or even just one other person.
Your talent, your health, your financial situation are gifts from the universe. Pay them back.
Re: Tell HN: Turned 44 today and I'm lost
#260Earlier quoted context omitted.
Because everybody suffers. Everybody. It sounds like he's had the idea that if he flogs himself working hard, then there will be a payoff, and having done that for 25+ years, the result of his hard work is that it's brought him to a point that logistically and financially has left him secure and settled, but nevertheless has not delivered the expectation that the end point of hard work would be contentment. Now his c…
I am close to be financially independent. But I wish I was already. I have so much stuff to do, traveling, spending time with my family. Not having to worry about your day-to-day will lift so much burden and bs. I just can't understand how people who have already made it, struggle with finding purpose in life. As we type on this keyboard, children out there in world are dying starving, or because of some war .. and h…
Report back to us once you're independent and secure.
You're right - it doesn't seem to make sense that we suffer with all kinds of problems when there are more important things happening. But nevertheless, we still suffer all the time, and a lack of contentment at our core at a time of peace can be such a reason for suffering. In the midst of a war, life is heightened, and so there's no time for this more superficial level of dissatisfaction to emerge. But nevertheless, I can't imagine that you'd suggest to OP to go and fight as a mercenary in Ukraine as a way of relieving what he's finding difficult.