Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 105 posts

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#61

Post by dpweb »

dontbeevil1992 wrote: post #57
plutonorm wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

in gestalt therapy this is called being at an impasse - you are in touch with yourself enough to know that you're not happy, but not yet sure how to change your life to be happy. long term I do believe it is better to be in touch with yourself even though there may be periods of discomfort or confusion. it's better to do that than to be humming along feeding your trauma until you reach the age of 50, have a mid-life…

Mid-life crisis is a real thing - didn't really expect it. But can be viewed in a positive way. Out of what can be a pretty terrifying psychological breakdown, can also be considered part of a process of evolution and discovery.

If you're perhaps grounded with the goal, I want to evolve into the person I really am, and should be. Remembering (or discovering) that most of what the world tells you and teaches you is just false. There are reasons why we want the particular things we want and upon deep examination those reasons may be found to be silly. This realization is heartbreaking cause then we feel we are past the mid-point - and have wasted our life!

But is a necessary step toward our real goal. It's a tough road, but I believe provides one more dignity than a lot of people's alternatives - numbing the pain with alcohol or drugs or chasing money or false idols so to speak. Not dealing directly with one's pain and difficult questions about oneself.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#62

Post by gigaflop »

plutonorm wrote: post #56
nonrandomstring wrote: post #42

Be careful with thinking that deep work, expanding your mind, culture, emotional and spiritual literacy, philosophical, psychological and political understanding will make you better. You will become different. Whatever measures by which you discern 'better' before, will be irrelevant, almost laughable to the person you become. And beware too that growth can itself become a preoccupation. If you have goals like be mo…

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

If you don't know, then you can't act to change. That's how I try to think about it. Once you're aware of the problem, you can start work to change it, even if slowly.

Somewhat related, I used to weigh 270lbs. I changed my mind and made some changes, and was down to 180lbs after 1.5 to 2 years.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#63

Post by hugohamelcom »

dontbeevil1992 wrote: post #57
plutonorm wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

in gestalt therapy this is called being at an impasse - you are in touch with yourself enough to know that you're not happy, but not yet sure how to change your life to be happy. long term I do believe it is better to be in touch with yourself even though there may be periods of discomfort or confusion. it's better to do that than to be humming along feeding your trauma until you reach the age of 50, have a mid-life…

Absolutely!

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#64

Post by hugohamelcom »

swatcoder wrote: post #45

What might be throwing off some of the commenters here: You're using language like "personal growth" and "inner work" to describe what just sounds to be professional development . Maybe professional capacity and personal identity are all tied up for you. That's certainly true for a lot of people here, including myself sometimes. But it's also maybe just an echo of working so long in an industry that tried to sell one…

I agree and that's definitively a good point.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#65

Post by DennisP »

benjamaan wrote: post #54

For context I studied mechanical engineering and have been a founding employee at two successful tech startups one mobile payments another a multinational dev recruitment marketplace - and a few others with mediocre success or exits over the last eleven years. I’m currently on a career break and travelling in South America. It’s been worrying to step away from my career and out that gap in my cv but it’s something I…

Sounds like your tennis coach should write a book.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#66

Post by nonrandomstring »

plutonorm wrote: post #56
nonrandomstring wrote: post #42

Be careful with thinking that deep work, expanding your mind, culture, emotional and spiritual literacy, philosophical, psychological and political understanding will make you better. You will become different. Whatever measures by which you discern 'better' before, will be irrelevant, almost laughable to the person you become. And beware too that growth can itself become a preoccupation. If you have goals like be mo…

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

Programming is what you do. It's not what you are. And lot's of what you've learned will not be wasted on the new you, who I wish every happiness to in the future.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#67

Post by mrnotcrazy »

plutonorm wrote: post #56
nonrandomstring wrote: post #42

Be careful with thinking that deep work, expanding your mind, culture, emotional and spiritual literacy, philosophical, psychological and political understanding will make you better. You will become different. Whatever measures by which you discern 'better' before, will be irrelevant, almost laughable to the person you become. And beware too that growth can itself become a preoccupation. If you have goals like be mo…

I discovered I don't enjoy programming at all and I was only ever trying to prove myself smart, because my father had hang ups about being stupid after getting brain damage. Programming itself is horrible, now I'm stuck in a career I hate (or rather I am now aware of my prison). I'm not sure knowing is better.

Programming provides enough income and ideally time outside of work that you should be able to slowly expand in any direction you want.

I will say I have always wanted to be a programmer but I've so far ended up being a better Systems Engineer, regardless though it doesn't worry me since at the end of the day, I am exchanging labor for money.(although I wont Rule out a career change!)

Now my job does have some added meaning in that I help to provide internet to rural areas and I can see myself in many of these end users and I can see how impactful it is to provide services. Real life and meaning and by extension happiness is beyond work, it encompasses work but is so much beyond work. Happiness is like gas in that it expands to fill the space you give it, if you look for happiness in programing, you might be miserable. If you look for happiness in being an excellent worker and craftsman then you might be a little bit happier but there are still probably larger spaces.

Of course people's brains(and hearts) are different so you may want to see a therapist and there is nothing wrong with that.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#68

Post by jackcosgrove »

I have invested a lot of time in my inner life, and evolved my worldview as a result. I consider it time well-spent, first because I am a restless person and a little bit of a perfectionist so it feels good to "improve" myself according to the latest yardstick.

Practically I have put this to use and made decisions in my professional life, mainly about avoiding behavior I consider unethical. I haven't been searching for meaning through my work, so not doing bad stuff is about as far as I've gotten.

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#69

Post by hugohamelcom »

neogodless wrote: post #22

It might help to consider the common language of what I believe you're talking about. > self-development > inner work This is more commonly referred to as "self-improvement" or "self-help" (depending on if you think you're just improving yourself, or more specifically addressing something you consider to be a weakness or shortcoming.) It means developing your skills or learning new ones, and coming to a new understan…

That's a really good point and perspective. I would say that I am interested in solving a specific problem or serving a specific use case by improving what already exists (making it better using) through the process of building solutions (being a maker). Would that be more clear?

Re: Ask HN: Have you invested in self-development and done inner work?

#70

Post by hugohamelcom »

olkingcole wrote: post #41

"Invested" in "inner work". Indie, maker, optimizer. Maybe it is just a different kinds of people thing but I think we shouldn't use business jargon language, with all the implicit values and associations that come along with it, to define, of all things, our fundamental mindset and relationship to ourselves. Don't frame yourself that way. Don't become another tool or asset to be burned up like so much VC cash in the…

That's an interesting perspective, I simply didn't know how to describe it better, how would you express it, I'd love to know :)
Post reply on HN