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I need to stop being boring

patzhong.com

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Re: I need to stop being boring

#111

Post by kevmo314 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

I have the totally opposite experience. Everyone I know who has kids is bored: they've given up on their side projects and resigned themselves to jobs they constantly complain about but can't leave because they need to support their family.

So I'm not sure having kids really matters here. I think the mindset change is more important. It's easy to forget that the world has so many interesting things to pick up and do literally anything with, much like your child. My friends who have kids don't think that way.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#112

Post by nicbou »

jermaustin1 wrote: post #102
JKCalhoun wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get out and do boring things. Your mind will fill up the dead-space with creative ideas. Go on walks. Hike. Go on long road trips.

walking, hiking, and road tripping are my favorite things to do (walk daily, "hike" (just long walk since I live in flat Houston) weekly, and roadtrip monthly). And the entire time, I sit in silence just THINKING. Sometimes I record my thoughts out loud. But for the most time, I just use it as a way to keep my mind churning. Sometimes I come up with new side projects, or a design for a new piece of furniture, or just…

Cycling and motorcycling also feel like that, if you'd rather see more landscapes faster.

I consider saddle time "taking my brain to the park" so it runs around for a bit and tires itself out.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#113

Post by yoyohello13 »

willcipriano wrote: post #60
levesque wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell that to my very burnt out parent friends! YMMV

What they are really saying is "It was fun (going to the bar/playing video games/whatever) with you when we were young, but I'm not young anymore and have a family to spend time with, I wish you had one too so I could invite you to family oriented activities." but knowing that you won't understand they say they are too busy and tired.

You can invite people without kids to family oriented activities too. Maybe they would enjoy just hanging out with people.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#114

Post by renarl »

nonrandomstring wrote: post #16

> So what went wrong? My gut feeling is that I am boring. A lot of pain seems to come from a poor vocabulary about feelings. What is boring? It's a weak and flattened word like the feelings it's used about. Do you mean avolition, acedia, irascibility, dissatisfaction, insensibility, repression, discouragement, ambivalence, anxiety? The Psychology of the Emotions by Neal Burton is a fair place to continue the introspe…

I had a similar problem with emotions: specifically, limited emotional vocabulary and the inability to distinguish what I’m feeling. To help myself, I partnered with an emotion coach and created an app to expand my emotional vocabulary and come into contact with what I’m feeling. https://apps.apple.com/app/emote/id1609038427

Re: I need to stop being boring

#115

Post by nomdep »

“ but no one was really using the app. Including myself.”

That’s the problem! If you are the target user but don’t want to use it, the product doesn’t work as is, maybe the idea doesn’t work at all, or the focus isn’t right.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#116

Post by Volrath89 »

Elte wrote: post #77
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I said it was interesting, not-boring, and introducing me to more new people than I’ve met since college. I didn’t say it was always easy, but that’s fine by me because it’s not actually soul-crushingly difficult (again, another misconception popular among young people without kids that turned out to be wrong). The older I get, the more I realize that my friends who optimize for minimal effort (no kids, reluctant to…

I may be like one of your boring unfulfilled friends, except I have a single hobby that makes me feel a sense of purpose, whereas very few other things in my life ever really have. On a rational level, it seems to me that having kids will add a sense of purpose to my life, given how many people share this perspective. At the same time, thinking about the time and effort I will be forced to take away from the thing th…

What hobby?

Re: I need to stop being boring

#117

Post by shrikant »

chii wrote: post #21
nonrandomstring wrote: post #16

> So what went wrong? My gut feeling is that I am boring. A lot of pain seems to come from a poor vocabulary about feelings. What is boring? It's a weak and flattened word like the feelings it's used about. Do you mean avolition, acedia, irascibility, dissatisfaction, insensibility, repression, discouragement, ambivalence, anxiety? The Psychology of the Emotions by Neal Burton is a fair place to continue the introspe…

> All progress depends upon the unreasonable man. You need to stop being reasonable and yet there's an unreasonable man invading another country right now. I dont think progress depends on the unreasonable man. It depends on the reasonable man who would put in the sweat and blood, but might be inspired or paid by the unreasonable man.

Ah yes, but no true unreasonable man puts sugar on his porridge.

(Ironically, the reference for this is an article titled "No true Scotsman starts a war" https://web.archive.org/web/20190105005853/http://www.atimes...)

Re: I need to stop being boring

#118

Post by pkoird »

rr808 wrote: post #40

I'm afraid most tech people need to get out more. The job is hard, side projects are fun and you need to leetcode in your spare time to get a job. However its very easy to be boring. People benefit from making non-tech friends, play sports, travel, read novels, learn about spirituality, make music, build furniture but I dont see a lot of that happening. I'm a corporate cog and its my biggest regret.

That making friends bit is proving to be a bit difficult for me at the moment.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#119

Post by ChicagoBoy11 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

I think folks' mileage vary significantly on this, and partly due to a distinction I'd make between being bored and not having energy.

I used to know a family that was as creative as folks would come (immediate family had renowned authors, world class academics, illustrator, etc.), and it was clear that the children played such a central role in continuing to foster a culture that was very creative and "alive." But, it was also true that both parents had WFH jobs (this was over a decade ago), extremely flexible schedules, and were very well off to do. In that context, having kids can be the forcing function you describe, especially if the parents in question are folks already predisposed to being curious and interesting people.

However, I suspect most adults end up suffering from a lack of energy. The daily toil ends up sapping so much of themselves that the necessary energy expenditure to be more child-like isn't there, and you get your usual couch potatoes, nappers, seemingly disinterested zombies. For someone in that situation, adding kids to the equation ends up becoming just ONE MORE THING to completely drain them every day.

Re: I need to stop being boring

#120

Post by pkdpic »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #47

> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be. I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting. It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The…

I completely agree, having a kid is hard work but its put the universe into alignment for me more than I ever would have expected in terms of healthy priorities at work, balancing my ego-driven motivations out and in the direction and scope of my personal projects.
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