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How to work with me

davidbauer.ch

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Re: How to work with me

#91

Post by closewith »

davidbauer wrote: post #70
dessant wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've skimmed your post, and I honestly feel like the content is not the main issue here, but the fact that it was written and published. You could share how you prefer to interact with people if the need arises , preferably by addressing them directly about the points that are relevant for your interactions, and without giving them the impression that you've handed in a list of preferences.

That's a good point, yes. I didn't intend to publish it first, but put it out there to learn from the feedback I'm getting. It's interesting how differently people who don't know me (see this entire discussion here) react compared to people who know me or have worked with me before. That's super helpful since future co-workers will most likely fall in the first group.

It's also possible the reactions you get from the second group are muted because they naturally don't want to offend you.

Re: How to work with me

#92

Post by PlugTunin »

willcipriano wrote: post #30
davidbauer wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you point to specific examples? This is very much a living document, always looking for ways to improve it.

The "My expectations when we work together" looks like it's copied directly from a HR boilerplate example somewhere. It sounds nice but I wouldn't know how to action any of that. Also if you are my peer, you setting expectations like that is inappropriate.

I'd rather work with someone who's honest about how they operate than with someone who uses action as a verb.

Re: How to work with me

#93

Post by lkbm »

I think this sort of document is a good idea, but skimming over it, I think it needs to shift to more of a two-way description. The "How to discuss and argue" section does this. The "How to efficiently work and communicate with me" section not so much. Looking at these items:

> Default to action. Often it’s best to just do it. Most decisions are reversible, so it’s better to see how things work out instead of overthinking them.

> Act like an owner: Make your own decisions when you’re confident enough. Solve issues yourself when you can. If you need support or want your ideas challenged, I am always there to help.

These are good, but doesn't address the reason people don't do this: they anticipate getting in trouble for making a decision their boss or peers disagree with. I'd recommend re-framing this as a semi-formal commitment about how you'll respond.

"You should make decisions on your own" is often secretly "...but if they're not the decision I would have made, I'll be mad". To count this, you need to explicitly promise not to respond that way. "If I disagree with your decision, I'll address it, but I won't hold it against you for taking the initiative even when I would have chosen differently."

Basically, make it more two-sided: "I prefer you to follow these guidelines when in interacting with me and I commit to [trying to] response in these specific ways."

In some cases it's not necessary. I like nohello.net and don't think it needs to spell out "I won't get mad if you don't open with a hello". But when telling people to do things that may get them scolded, you need to promise not to scold them.

Re: How to work with me

#94

Post by davidbauer »

microtherion wrote: post #90
bsuvc wrote: post #8

To me, it seems a little condescending to be told how to act toward someone. On some level it is helpful to know your teammates, but on the other hand it can come across as self centered, like you think you're special and require special instructions for interacting with. I'm sure you have good intentions in creating this, but if someone gave this to me I would instantly thing "oh man this person is going to be high…

I did not get that impression from the text at all — I wonder whether it was revised or whether it is because I am Swiss myself so maybe it fits within MY norms. In particular, I did not get the impression that the text makes any demands from co-workers that the author would not mutually grant them himself. Can you point out specific examples of language you found self centered or high maintenance?

I slightly revised it based on feedback from this thread here.

Re: How to work with me

#96

Post by davidbauer »

jimmyjazz14 wrote: post #85
davidbauer wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tongue-in-cheek title aside, I really do believe that it's helpful if a lot of people do write down some sort of user manual for themselves. These can be a great starting point for having conversations on how to best work together and spot potential areas of conflict in advance. In no way should these be seen as dictating the rules.

I probably wouldn't call it a "user manual" since that implies a list of the "correct" way to work with a person. Why not just call it a list of personal values (and preferences)?

Good point, thank you.

Re: How to work with me

#97

Post by jdowner »

I like it. I thought it was pretty calm and reasonable. Maybe some things could be worded a little better, but I'm not sure why there are so many strong, negative reactions about it.

Re: How to work with me

#98

Post by kkjjkgjjgg »

Throw6away wrote: post #87
kkjjkgjjgg wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

Wow, I’m gobsmacked at your example. Are you really arguing that transgender people are somehow abusing and disrespecting others by asking to be acknowledged as they wish to be? Would you be ‘abused’ if I mentioned my same-sex spouse and it violated your assumed reality?

You can ask and it is polite to adhere to the wish, but you can not demand it.

Ultimately you have no right to intrude on my brain, sorry.

"Would you be ‘abused’ if I mentioned my same-sex spouse and it violated your assumed reality?"

Probably not because I could see that your spouse has the same sex as you, so it wouldn't violate my perception? I don't get the point of your example.

The point of the "publicly state you believe in something that is obviously not true" is a symbolic subjugation of the person made to do it. It is "swearing in" to the ideology. Like Gallileo announcing publicly that the sun revolves around the earth.

Re: How to work with me

#100

Post by davidbauer »

bsuvc wrote: post #80
Spinnaker_ wrote: post #57

It's missing the most important section: "Known Bugs". I don't think the average person knows themselves well enough to write a user manual, myself included. This is an idealized version of how he thinks about himself. Reality could be very different. I'd be much more interested in a guide written by his wife or parents.

Yes! Put this on GitHub and let your co workers submit issues for the problems they have with you and pull requests for changes they want you to make. I'm starting to like this instruction manual idea more and more now ;)

Lots of merge conflicts guaranteed :-) Jokes aside, this is exactly what this should be: a living document and a starting point for discussions.
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