> Don't numb it, master it and let it lead under control. Empathy is an incredible virtue, but it must be disciplined. Disciplined empathy is no longer empathy. And it is no longer virtuous. You are close to understanding, but keep going. Giving birth and nourishing, making without possessing, expecting nothing in return. To grow, yet not to control: This is the mysterious virtue. Chapter 10, Dao De Ching
Rather than saying "You are close to understanding, but keep going", it would be more helpful to explain why you think that disciplined empathy is no longer empathy. I agree with the previous poster, but I'm curious to learn what you mean.
Being vague as all get out is really on brand for advice from the Dao De Ching.
Having a higher than average amount of empathy seems to be a disadvantage in many ways. It seems in many cases to be correlated with anxiety and depression. It can be difficult for people with high levels of empathy to recognize the boundaries between their own self and the thoughts and feelings of others. As a kid I was highly empathetic, and it's something I've struggled with my entire life. It never really felt li…
I’m deeply sorry that you didn’t have the necessary support network to navigate your empathy when you were young. Now that you’re older, have you had any success in developing navigational skills and regaining your levels of empathy?
Thank you! I've only begun to put the pieces in the last couple of years while trying to figure out why my behavior is the way it is. Haven't made a ton of progress, but knowledge feels like a good first step. Planning to try to find a therapist, but one of the challenges is that many people in this position apparently avoid therapy, because they fear empathizing too much with the therapist, rather than focusing on themselves. It's rooted in a fear of enmeshment, and it's also why there's very little research about schizoid personality disorder, because those people generally avoid therapy. I suspect I may have SPD, but I don't want to self diagnose (and it's maybe too simple to label complex behaviors like this with one label anyway).
Don't numb it, master it and let it lead under control. Empathy is an incredible virtue, but it must be disciplined. I don't know enough neuroscience to know what the "right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex" is exactly but I know that you can over-ride/master it with reason and discipline. So I think there's something more to people allowing their better nature to slip under stress than simple brain chemicals. A colone…
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Right?
What are the odds that GP would post "I don't know exactly what these brain regions do, but I know that these transgendered people who had fMRI showing their brains function much closer to their identified gender should simply stop being transgendered by overriding/mastering the differences with reason and discipline."
I'm guessing zero... but because it's a study on empathy, it's totally a-ok to say "i don't know a thing about this, but since its not a problem for me, it shouldn't be a problem for you"
Interesting. I tend to put a high amount of trust in people and have rarely been let down. The cases where I was let down were exclusively with drug users earlier in my life, a very predictable outcome in hindsight. I don’t think the advice you were given was good.
> It seems in many cases to be correlated with anxiety and depression. So is intelligence. However on the balance intelligence is a pretty significant advantage. Empathy can be a super power for those who are able to control it - one that can be used for good or evil. Think high EQ, natural political instincts, very persuasive, ability to push emotional states onto people. The hypersensitivity you mention is the flip…
I think a big part of it is having a supportive and understanding environment growing up that helps you foster the empathy in a healthy way, while teaching you to build and maintain your own self boundaries at the same time. If you didn't have that, it can be very difficult to change it as an adult.
Well life is a struggle for all of us, no?
Many traits that are seen as desirable can wreak havoc on the lives of those who possess them. We envy those traits when we see them in others because we do not have access to their visceral experience, and lack awareness of their inner turmoil and struggles.
I think it important for all of us to extend ourselves grace. Living ain’t easy and we are often doing better at it than we think :)
Having a higher than average amount of empathy seems to be a disadvantage in many ways. It seems in many cases to be correlated with anxiety and depression. It can be difficult for people with high levels of empathy to recognize the boundaries between their own self and the thoughts and feelings of others. As a kid I was highly empathetic, and it's something I've struggled with my entire life. It never really felt li…
FWIW, I have a close relation that matches the pattern you’re identifying, and they have had very positive results from Internal Family Systems Therapy.
I've actually been researching Internal Family Systems! There are some things that make me a bit wary about it, but I think it may be worth trying.
FWIW, I have a close relation that matches the pattern you’re identifying, and they have had very positive results from Internal Family Systems Therapy.
I've actually been researching Internal Family Systems! There are some things that make me a bit wary about it, but I think it may be worth trying.
I think the therapist’s personality might have an impact (I could see certain aspects of it feeling a little “woo”), but it has been useful to frame and work through certain emotions/reactions/situations in a productive manner. My email is in my profile if you want to reach out.
Having a higher than average amount of empathy seems to be a disadvantage in many ways. It seems in many cases to be correlated with anxiety and depression. It can be difficult for people with high levels of empathy to recognize the boundaries between their own self and the thoughts and feelings of others. As a kid I was highly empathetic, and it's something I've struggled with my entire life. It never really felt li…
Empathy, also called compassion or karuna in Buddhism, is one of the most sublime mental states that exist. The trick is to learn how to experience compassion without also wounding yourself. This is what Buddhist practice teaches you how to do.
Having a higher than average amount of empathy seems to be a disadvantage in many ways. It seems in many cases to be correlated with anxiety and depression. It can be difficult for people with high levels of empathy to recognize the boundaries between their own self and the thoughts and feelings of others. As a kid I was highly empathetic, and it's something I've struggled with my entire life. It never really felt li…
FWIW, I have a close relation that matches the pattern you’re identifying, and they have had very positive results from Internal Family Systems Therapy.
+1: this comment describes me and I'm actively in internal family systems therapy. took me a while to get used to the style, but it's been beneficial for me.