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There's a chicken egg problem here: when you were labeled a troubled teen, you already were a troubled teen. What happened to you after was bad, but it wasn't all peaches and cream before. Finding the appropriate way to deal with troubled teens (even if it did start with poor parenting) is not easy, and this discussion seems like a one-sided caricature.
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I went to the Leys school in Cambridge as a border, and it was by far the worst experience of my life. I was burnt out for a decade and I turn 40 this year, only recently having gotten over the resentment. Much of this article rang familiar. Those British boarding schools are intended for upper class misbehaving teens who won’t conform. There’s no intent to educate, they’re trying to ‘break’ the pupils. A common tact…
and I’m not going into the sex stuff, but yes that was going on as well. Less with myself but it was all the way criminal. Shame on me for not going to the police. But as a young teenager you just don’t know.
> When I was labeled a ‘troubled’ teen, I obliged There's a chicken egg problem here: when you were labeled a troubled teen, you already were a troubled teen. What happened to you after was bad, but it wasn't all peaches and cream before. Finding the appropriate way to deal with troubled teens (even if it did start with poor parenting) is not easy, and this discussion seems like a one-sided caricature.
What the author, and other in this thread, describe falls so squarely into the unacceptable category as things can be. I always wonder how such things can happen at all. Until I read comments like yours, and when combined with the usual power imbalance and social pressure, it all falls into place.
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The author writes, > I was reckless, taking my mom’s car out for joy rides without permission, skipping class That may be after 16 years of doing outrageous things to get attention at home. Some psychologists in the 1950s [1] suggested kids will do whatever gets them attention while striving for a way to participate in the family. That can include bad behavior. If they don't receive attention for good behavior, then…
> taking my mom’s car out for joy rides without permission, skipping class Those are all just "things that kids do", or they used to be some years ago, pretty sad that "skipping classes" has transformed into a "reckless" thing that risks getting you, as a kid, quasi-institutionalised.
The field of "Positive Discipline" [1] or "Positive Parenting" provides workable solutions. There may not be a quick fix. The idea is to reinforce good behavior while weaning bad ones. There are a ton of podcasts and books on this topic you can find using those keywords. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_discipline edit: please explain your downvotes, thanks! As interesting as discussing the problems is, the…
The goal of parenting, so, should be to offer a safe environment for kids to become who they are and want to to become no matter what that is. And to prepare them for an independent life. None of that is easy, and yes discipline is necessary. As a tool, not as a means. If parents would just accept that their kids aren't going down the road the parents choose for them a lot of trouble and issues in parenting would already be solved.
>> The idea is to reinforce good behavior while weaning bad ones.
That's how you educate dogs, and even with animals there a limits to what is acceptable (and rightly so).
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As weird as it may seem, Paris Hilton was actually sent to one of these places and has spoken out about them and shed some light on them.
Tom Hanks' son also mentioned offhandedly that he was "sent away to a wilderness program:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy47RTZRy9w#t=3m29s "It's 4 in the morning, there's two huge dudes in my room, they're like 'You're coming with us', and they put in the back of a car and drove me to the middle of nowhere."
Why am I mentioning that? Because Tom Hanks, it seemed, was close to yell at Ricky to just stop throwing "dirt" around. He looked like a hit dog, almost like he felt being accused of something. Adding the fact that he send his own child to tough love program doesn't paint too nice a picture of him. At the very least, he took the, for him, easy way of parenting and can't lough about himself (or his social circle).
Is anyone else disturbed at the sheer number of people in this thread alone who are coming out about being forcibly sent to one of these camps? And I'm thinking that statistically HN's demographic probably swings more towards nerdy, well-behaved white boys from two-parent families who are middle-class or above. Not necessarily who I would have thought would have been at harm from this scam. So, if the demographic I b…
After all, we are talking about private programs here. The poorer folks are usually victims of the state sponsored, and sometimes enforced against the parents will, programs. Which are as bad as those private ones.
This is, of course, just a theory. In the end, so, I think that the number of abuse victims, pick any kind of abuse, is orders of magnitude higher then we all think.
The field of "Positive Discipline" [1] or "Positive Parenting" provides workable solutions. There may not be a quick fix. The idea is to reinforce good behavior while weaning bad ones. There are a ton of podcasts and books on this topic you can find using those keywords. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_discipline edit: please explain your downvotes, thanks! As interesting as discussing the problems is, the…
Why I downvoted? Because, to me, the linked approach is the first (well, actually already a couple of miles) step towards tough love programs. It goes against everything good parenting is. Because at its core, much like tough love, the goal is to create "conforming" children that aren't causing any trouble. The goal of parenting, so, should be to offer a safe environment for kids to become who they are and want to to…
"Positive Discipline" is nothing like the "tough love" described in this story. It's only "tough love" in the sense that you still give kids boundaries. There's nothing conformist about it. Rather, it encourages parents and kids to express themselves, allowing time for emotions to come out in a healthy way that encourages independence while reducing reliance on family members to step in and fix things that kids are capable of doing themselves. This all starts at a very young age, when you begin to sleep on your own, feed yourself, tie your shoes, etc.
> That's how you educate dogs, and even with animals there a limits to what is acceptable (and rightly so).
This is a discipline that's grown over the last 70+ years. Everyone responds to feedback. Learning, trial and error, evolution etc. apply to all species, albeit at different rates.
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and I’m not going into the sex stuff, but yes that was going on as well. Less with myself but it was all the way criminal. Shame on me for not going to the police. But as a young teenager you just don’t know.
Big hug