There's a lot wrong with society, and the expectations that are put on men which are ultimately damaging isn't talked about enough. Broadly, I think there's a sense that men must "earn" their worth through achievements, i.e. you are not born with inherent 'worth'. This belief is inculcated into us at a young age, explicitly or otherwise, and constantly re-affirmed by our media and culture as a whole.
There are two ironies to this. The first irony is that no matter what some people do, they will not reap the 'rewards' that was promised to them. This becomes obviously true when we remember that we don't live in a just world, at all, of which this fantasy of cosmic justice relies on. The second irony is that this fantasy of cosmic justice is inherently damaging and perpetuates injustice. We need to drop the idea that good things follow good people.
In your case, you're seeing it play out in the dating world, where issues of loneliness and the natural, human desire for intimacy are dismissed as being superficial complaints from basement-dwelling "incels". I am sorry that you experience this. Moreover, there appears to be no correlation between passions for a number of hobbies and lifestyles with what people are ultimately attracted to. Personally, I think we should drop the whole idea that there's a list of things men need to do before women can find them attractive. The same goes for women.
I don't know you personally, and I think these kind of issues hit at the most vulnerable parts of people so I don't want to sway you with any specific ideas of my own. So the only advice I can offer is cautionary: be wary of adopting only a masochistic epistemology. It is tempting to see the world through the lens of "I will never be attractive to women, no matter what I do" and finding every example of this to reinforce it. Everyone who has experienced the darker depths of the human soul knows that there is a pleasure in believing that whatever hurts is true. This leads to a vicious cycle of thoughts. This pessimism must be tempered by an optimistic epistemology. What that bountiful optimism looks like to you, I don't know, but from my experience, it is a missing 'second half' to the world that I had to consciously find which brought a healing and resiliency that deepened my relationship with myself as well as others. Best of luck.